Over thinking / anxious attachment

[blurer]

Hi all

I've had a few posts under my old name about relationship issues and the crux of every single one is that I'm insecure, have anxious attachment style and over think every little detail

In general I'm quite confident and outgoing - it's only romantic relationships I struggle with

My current DP is amazing but I'm starting my usual insecure/neediness, over reacting over nothing. Just generally self sabotaging it

I really really like him and am determined not to sabotage this! I've had therapy before and messaged tonight to book more sessions

In the meantime can anyone recommend any books/podcasts, general tips to help me! I've had such good advice one here in the past about that being the issue but how do I overcome it?

Ok thank you both so much that is very helpful. I have had the shower, had some food and sipping ONE glass of wine.

Like you blurer we have no ties. We do not live together etc and I guess you are right about wanting to see me etc but I would dearly love a proper good night message tonight. I just really do think that is my reassurance silly as a lot of people would see it.

Im going to take on board all of what has been said to me and try just push the negative feelings out. I also will head up for an early bedtime tonight and try to sleep and not lie there thinking again.

Thank you x

I know it's easier said than done @Igglepiggleslittletoe
As much as I'm suggesting things to try and help, I'm the same as you and know exactly how you feel!

Funny how one small text can have such an impact on your mood!

Hope you get a good sleep 💐

I would dearly love a proper good night message tonight. I just really do think that is my reassurance silly as a lot of people would see it.

@Igglepiggleslittletoe nothing beats a nice good night message :) :) :)

How often do you contact him/ message him if he hasn't? Or do you mostly leave it up to him to contact you?

Hope you're feeling better this morning x

Oh we are both in constant contact. Actually he would message more if he hasnt heard from me. I got a sweet message before bed last night so feel good today. Its silly really but you kinda rely on certain things after a while i guess.

Thanks again for yesterday. I appreciate it x

All is well in the world then 😊

He doesn't have to always message but it just makes the day/ night better when he does, right? 🤗

Oh he always messages it was just with no cuteness and I love the cuteness and cheesiness etc. It is just 'us' really so of course I over analyzed everything and came up with things that were not there. Still got my first thing in the morning message, a couple before he headed off as he is working away this week and then since he landed. All is good in the world but i need to remember all is always good in the world if my head would stop spinning.

Anyway, therapist this week. Lets hear what they have to say!

@blurer totally get what you mean. I think I have that too. Been with my guy for 8 months. He started really well with cute messages and check in during the day. We started off seeing each other 2/3 times a week. Live ;0 mins drive away and work commutes can be over an hour from each others.

He has been stressed and both working long for last 6 weeks. we had a period of trying to meet up but he cancelled a few times. My head if was he isn’t really interested-him he was trying and disappointing me. We gave up trying during the week. I did say it was making me think he wasn’t interested, he said no he was trying but couldn’t commit to time as work is mental. He said he felt secure and happy so didn’t see the need to constantly text.

We are only seeing each other at weekends. He used to check in and now not so much. In person he is great and loving. But seemed to have gotten into a pattern of not making an effort during the week. He says he is working till 10pm and I start work next day at 8am. Really isn’t feasible during the week.

but his actions match his words. We have holidays planned for next few months and tickets bought for events. He is planning to spend Xmas with me etc.

mine stems from past boyfriend that faded me out and I did the pick me dance. He also cheated. Current boyfriend knows this and says all is good. I feel I get needier when I feel him not being what I think is attentive. However he is really blunt and I think he would say if not interested. We do need to live with a compromise and both learning.

ironically he chased me loads and was very keen at the start which was off putting. He says he knew i was put off and dialled it down after a few months as he was scaring me.

Hottimesahead - how was he scaring you at the beginning?

@Lovefilms he was really keen. I wouldn’t say he love bombed me, but being available and wanting to impress. Very affectionate too. he was a gentleman and not rushing to have sex, but just keen to spend time and texting loads.

in my head I couldn’t understand why he was so keen on me and it put me off a bit. But I think I realised it was more me being scared of getting hurt, so wouldn’t let him in.

he said I love you first - he was drunk and it slipped out in a text.

I recommend you read or listen to the book ‘attached’ by Amir Levine. It explains all this and a total eye opener . You will have a better understanding of yourself and how to deal with it .

I am anxious in relationships unfortunately for me this participated to the end of mine. My now ex bf had enough tbh and wouldn’t reassure me after a while.

Well I had my first therapy session today. The more I talked the more I can understand where my feelings of mistrust come from but in the case of my other half they are totally misplaced. I have not been raised by healthy functioning parents nor ever in a healthy relationship before and I think this is almost like a self sabotage thing in me but the therapist said he can absolutely explore my over thinking and anxieties more as we go on so that is positive.

Also got my nails done this morning (day off work) and was telling my nail practitioner (i know her, not a total stranger) about some of the things and she tells me she does a thing called Access bar therapy and has offered me a session tomorrow free if I want to give it a go. I read into it and sure no point turning it down. accesspossibilities.com/pages/access-bars