Am I overthinking this or am I right to be reconsidering?

[fairaisle]

I have NC'd for this as I'm paranoid and pathetic.

Sorry for the ramble.

I've been seeing a new guy for around four months. He's really nice and had been single for over 5 years before meeting me. I don't see that itself as a problem at all. But certain things he's alluded to have made me question his attitude towards women. For example, one time I was complaining about work and he responded with "you could quit and get an OnlyFans, I've seen what content does well and I'll help you". Another comment about how he was only single for so long because "women have impossible standards, I was nice to them all but nobody would give me a chance" (is that really true?). And other things that I won't list out for the sake of brevity.

Anyway, today he's reposted one of those "the first three words you see define your year" things on social media and said his three words were sex, ass and wine. Various friends have commented but one stood out in particular: "Minus the wine (he doesn't drink), this feels quite accurate for your current year based on all the stories you've told us involving a certain someone". He's then responded to this friend "F (my initial) has made it a great year despite all the crap going on in the world 😉".

I feel like I'm massively overthinking this. I'm not a prude by any means and of course I expect him to talk to his friends, but I don't expect them to post stuff like that online. It feels kind of disrespectful? I don't know how to explain exactly how I feel but it's really getting to me.

Am I making this into a big deal when it's really nothing? Or am I right to feel a bit concerned?

In combination with the other comments he's made (like the one about OnlyFans), am I hugely overreacting to be considering walking away? He's been lovely to me and I feel stupid to have reached this conclusion based on one social media post. Maybe I'm reaching but these comments just remind me of men who objectify women/incel culture/that kind of thing, and I don't think those men ever truly change.

Any thoughts very much appreciated, thank you in advance

Eww no, gross.

Thats honestly horrid, how old are you? Maybe if you’re 25 and he’s inexperienced I could let it pass (with a frank discussion and a genuine apology). But otherwise no, that’s just creepy and gross and you’re right, he sounds like an incel.

Personally this would put me right off, I guess if otherwise he seems decent then you could have an honest discussion about how disrespectful and gross you find that sort of “banter” but I’m not sure I’d bother. Why do you want to have to teach a man to be mature, respectful and aware?

I’m sorry if I read that I’d think you were big into anal and your relationship was just sex and he’d been telling his mates about you and I’d feel embarrassed for you.

with his other comments it seems to me this is just about sex to him.

@Macaroni1924 I don't consider myself super hot but I have put a lot of effort into my appearance over the last ~2 years and have gone from someone very average to someone with a decent face and a banging body (if I do say so myself, I worked damn hard for it in the gym!). I was never considered pretty growing up and never received compliments on my looks, so now I think I get lured in by anyone who tells me I look pretty.

We did a weekend away on the beach and I remember feeling ecstatic when he told me I looked great in a bikini. I did not expect him to post pics of me posing in a bikini on social media for all to see, another thing that made me feel a bit weird but at the time I naively took it as a compliment. Now looking back I see so clearly that it was basically just a "look at me, I've got this girl, aren't you all jealous" type post.

another thing that made me feel a bit weird but at the time I naively took it as a compliment

If something makes you feel weird, that's it. Don't interpret any intention into it on his part, good or bad. You feel weird. That's it.

He posted pics of you without your consent? Another reason to dump.

Bloody good for you OP.

Now stop wasting it all on Jay out of The Inbetweeners.

I don't intend to discuss things with him, I don't really see the point. Like I said, I don't think these men ever change. I might as well just walk away with the sliver of self respect I have left rather than listen to his bullshit excuses.

I feel really quite stupid now to have been sucked in and to have let things slide for months. Best I can do now is forget and move on :)

No loss of self respect. You've realised what's up, you've realised what's bothering you, and you're walking away.

That's dignity.

Absolutely. And thank yourself that you've only put up with his shit for a few months. Congratulations for that.

The fact his friend posted that publicly and he will know you will see it is his way of telling you how he is speaking about you behind your back he is clearly sharing all rhe gorey details of what you will do.

The man is treating you like a piece of meat and letting his mates enjoy the fiery detail. One of them has just let you know.

If you're happy with ending it without getting dragged into a discussion about why you're uncomfortable, I'd tell him you're ending it as you're not satisfied enough with the sex. Just say you've been hoping it would improve but it's not happened and you can't do it anymore 😂

I think I know this man OP! Is his first initial "T"?

How humiliating?!?’

absolutely disrespectful and how dare they write such comments in FB for all to see!!

no decent man would do this or allow such things to be said. The fact that it is obvious he has been discussing your sex life with them is just vile.

dump and run

He sounds absolutely dreadful. Raise the bar.

He's an 'A' but you have my sympathy for knowing someone similar!!

I'm so glad you're getting rid of him.

Thank you for all your comments. I'll definitely go forward with a better appreciation of what I do and don't find acceptable, regardless of what anyone else has to say.

Your boyfriend has offered to assist you in entering into sex work. he thinks he is qualified to help you do, due to the extensive time he spends wanking over this himself.

This is it in a nutshell.

Absolutely this. He was testing the water with you.

Well done OP! : )

You weren't stupid to give this guy a few chances, OP. Sometimes nerves make people say really stupid crass things on a date.

But really, I felt sick when I read you could quit and get an OnlyFans, I've seen what content does well and I'll help you. And it only got worse from there. At first it just sounded immature. Then the misogyny started showing.

You could do so much better, OP.

Sleezebag. Gross. Dump.

OnlyFans is fucking gross, that would be enough for me.

Sex, ass and wine?

Says it all

Sorry op, just seen that you've seen the light.

Onwards and upwards eh!