When to know when you’re expecting too much!

[stairyfairy2]

I’m talking to a guy from Bumble, and the first date when really well. It’s actually refreshing because he had really good conversation, was a lot of fun and we did have a kiss at the end.

It’s so refreshing texting and having actual entertaining conversation, and it’s not just all geared towards sexual comments or anything! It feels like he liked me for me.

But also I don’t know if I’m expecting a bit more flirt, but we have only been on one date. I definitely find him attractive, and I said this and that I enjoyed myself. He then said “I had a great time, made me laugh a lot. You’re very good looking, your body is great btw and I think you know where I stand on wanting to see you again!” He then offered another date and place.

So all seems so far so good, there is obviously banter and a bit of flirting but should I be expecting a bit more complimenting or comments though? I feel like I know where he stands but also I have only met him once and I wouldn’t want it to be overdone.

“Your body is great”

Personally I’d be a bit offended by this. Implication is… your face isn’t so great!

You’re very good looking, your body is great

Tbh, that would put me off so early on.

Makes it sound like he's reduced you to what you look like and the rest is irrelevant.

So, no, I wouldn't want more of that.

Why did he phrase it as 'your body is great by the way'? I'm imagining you might have expressed body insecurity?
I wouldn't want too many compliments at that stage they would feel insincere and shallow because we don't know each other well enough and he hasn't seen me naked yet, so until we had sex I take all the compliments with scepticism as guys tend to go all out to get you to bed but that's me.
If you want more, that's your own love style and language.

“When to know when you’re expecting too much”

when you start the kind of thread you have done here after meeting someone… once

I got the ick from the body comment. Nothing like feeling like a piece of meat on your first date.

Not sure what the point of this thread is though if that's not your problem!

Honestly, the compliment he DID give you would have had me running for the hills after just that. But the way I read your OP and your question, you solicited that comment, were happy with it, but now want more?

Each to their own I'd say, but yes, I'd say you want too much and that if you got it, the kind of man who gave it to you is unlikely to be the kind of man you want to keep around.

Yeah the body comment is too much, why is he telling you that 🤢
I wouldn't be with someone who rated me on that so openly.

What sort of things do you want to hear from him though? He has said complimentary things.

but should I be expecting a bit more

Who do you think decides what you 'should' want, in a relationship (or in any other area of your life)? Who is the authority you bow to? Where are the levels of 'acceptable' written, that you respect?

This guy... Sounds like some of the guys I dated at 19-20 with his 'you have a smokin' bod' type comment, ie a bit immature/superficial/objectifying. But you know, each woman to their own, some women like it, and it sounds like you actually want to hear more flattery, not less.

"It’s so refreshing texting and having actual entertaining conversation"
What about enjoying this bit though?

You've been on one date and you didn't know each other before. If you like him, what's wrong with actually wanting to get to know each other and have good conversations?

This early on the guy won't want to put it all out there and say a million nice things to you in case that sounds too needy/clingy/ eager, or make you think he's put you on a pedestal. Once you know each other better and the guard is down, he will likely tell you all the things he likes about you, and how he can't stop thinking about you. If you both get to that stage.

Let the relationship develop at its pace and don't overthink/be so anxious. You take the fun out if. If you want it to flourish, let it breathe.

Have previous partners paid you lots of compliments that early on? You know you're fun/good company/beautiful/[enter adjective], think about why it's important for you to hear it from an almost-stranger.

Agree with the others, that body comment is just yuck and would like my fanny close up like a clam out of water

“I had a great time, made me laugh a lot. You’re very good looking, your body is great btw and I think you know where I stand on wanting to see you again!” He then offered another date and place.

FFS how much more high maintenance are you planning on being?
The guy gave you a bloody lovely compliment, focused on your personality before talking about how attracted he is to you, has the grace & discretion to not be your standard OLD pushy sex pest ... & has already fixed the next date with you - but you want MORE?

This poor guy can't win can he? He's been totally upfront & put himself out there for you.

But clearly OP doesn't feel the same way, as she hasn't referenced that at all - just that she wanted MORE flirtation than this guy she's only met once has already offered.

To be honest, my last ex was potentially a bit of a lovebomber. Paid me compliments non stop from the very beginning - and we lasted 2 years!
So I’m thinking I’m probably used to that. I feel like I’m expecting loads of compliments etc so that it doesn’t feel platonic, but I think actually he’s just a really nice guy

Hopefully OP is planning on being as high maintenance as she needs to be, in order to get the partner she is best compatible with.

He probably can't win, because he's already not meeting OP's requirements, and that's fine, contrary to this comment, which is likely to make OP feel that she ought to silence her wants and needs, and go along with what you think is appropriate, @KettrickenSmiled

If he doesn't make you feel fab, stop seeing him, OP. It's that simple. You want someone it feels good to be with, not someone who has you questioning yourself and your expectations.

Your expecting too much. He gave you some compliments

Did you compliment him back?

This.

Can you explain how much complimenting people what type would meet your needs?

Not asking to be sarcastic. It’s difficult to understand what you do want.

I don’t see the issue with body comment. He also commented on your sense of humour. You are funny and he fancies you. I think that’s fine for a first date.

Yeah was about to ask if you've had a lovebombing experience... Sometimes it's better to build affection slowly but still say nice things to each other 10 years in, otherwise nothing compares to those early days.

The guy I'm seeing for example... A couple of times I'd tease him along the lines of 'I was expecting more of a reaction to my outfit' or similar. He'd then confess that he could barely focus during the date because I looked good, but didn't want to say anything in case it seemed superficial/forward. Guys just often don't want to come across as sex pests/ too keen early on.

I do think that the what he's given you so far is a nice balanced level of attention.

No. That's when you know to not see the person again, because they already don't meet your expectations.

You don't adjust yourself to fit other people's behaviour. You adjust who you choose to spend your time with, to fit your expectations.

In other words, if you feel disappointed, leave.

What more compliments do you want?? You've met once. What do you actually want him to say?? He can keep repeating the same thing but in different words but what's the point.

You sound hard work!!!

If OP wants 100 compliments, and meets a partner who naturally gives her 100 compliments of his own accord, that's not hard work for either of them. How much work you would find OP to be is irrelevant, unless you're planning to date her.

It's amazing how many people seem to think that we should change what we want according to what our date offers us, or according to what other people think of us.

This. What a crass comment.

If you want this you are going to date more than your fair share of arseholes.

I'd prefer a bloke who wanted to have an actual conversation online and the flirting and complimenting was done in person and appropriately for the time. And not too much because that smacks of charm not sincerity.