Would you bother going with me this date?

[Redberries85]

Hi - just wanted your advice. I haven’t dated for a while after coming out of LTR about a year ago. I am online but I haven’t really met up with the guys I’ve been talking to as no one has yet caught my eye
and I’m feeling quite apprehensive.

My friend passed my number onto a friend of hers and we liked each others photos, similar interests etc. (He told my friend that he was a bit worried that he felt physically unfit and not looking his best).

We messaged back and forth a few times and were planning to meet up at some point. He then would wait a month between sending me a message so I just left it.

I then get a message out the blue saying we should go for that drink and I just say no, it’s too late. He then asks again politely/apologising the next night and I cave, only because my friend says he really is a lovely guy but rubbish at messaging/ his job means he’s extremely busy, yadayada. Date was booked weeks in advance so we haven’t chatted. It’s now 4 days till date and I messaged saying where should we go etc. Trying to break the ice etc. He has seen my message sent yesterday and he’s been online and ignoring it again. Should I just forget this - or see if he messages. It’s the lack of effort that’s rubbish but my friend says he’ll be so different on date. Maybe this is all normal and I’m expecting too much.
WWYD?

Sorry title should say - would you bother going on this date?

Nah, this one is not for you. Block and forget.

I wouldn’t bother. If he works so much, and messages so little, I think he’d be really frustrating.

I wouldn’t personally 😬 yes he might be different on a date but could you deal with his lack of effort if you liked him x

I would not. He's not shown any interest or respect for you, I'd cut my losses now.

No I wouldn’t.

That level of effort is far less than I deserve and far less than you deserve.

That’s what I thought, if he replies today - should I still go?

The funny thing is I am actually looking for a laid back situation rather than someone who wants a heavy relationship but this guy is another level

Good, way too much effort just to get the first coffee in the diary, I wouldn't bother as it would drive me mad!

If he replies to you, you could go, but I wouldn’t be chasing him.

Of course not! You’re complaining about the lack of effort but still willing to go.

I really think you need to look at your boundaries before you start dating. You sound like a people pleaser and you need to be concentrating on what is best for you.

Definitely not! If he treats you this shit before he has even met you what would e be like as a potential partner?

Throw this one back in!

Waste of time.

Sounds like it's your friend who really wants to get this off the ground not him. Maybe your friend is putting pressure on him as well as you but neither of you are that bothered.

I'd let this one go, set boundaries for yourself before pursuing dating and only try and get out there in the non virtual world and meet people face to face

True. I’m probably not ready for dating altogether hence why I was apprehensive

God no.

He took a month to respond to you 👀

I don't want to sound brutal, but he doesn't seem all that bothered. If someone is really interested in you, you will know.

Let this one go before he messes with your head anymore. I.e. block him.

Nope. Even factoring in the fact that you’re not looking for anything major, he’s still got you dangling. Your gut is telling you no, listen to it.

No. It’s just rude. You don’t need that.

Do people expect replies quite soon after (within a few hours? Etc). I’m just trying to understand what’s normal communication in the dating world

But you’re right, I should have just said no when he asked again

God I couldn't hang around for a date books weeks in advance I mean I'm not in the dating game but surely so much could happen in that time to change your mind.

it would be a no from me. Plus I agree could be the mutual friend pushing him into it.

I wouldn't go. If it's this hard to get a first date off the ground it will only get worse. Poor manners on his part.

@Redberries85 if it was me I'd leave it & see if he gets in touch before the day you're meant to meet. That would definitely be the end if it. If your friend says anything just tell her if he wants to meet anyone/date, he needs to sort his shit out, but not with you!

if he gets in touch to arrange the date, I'd go. It'll get the 'first date post LTR done, he might be great in person & you can see how his communication is afterwards. It's A date, not marriage!

No. If/when he replies tell him you think he’s too busy for a relationship and wish him well

If he gets back to you today I’d go, but only if I wanted to.

he def does not sound like relationship material sadly

No. He had his chance. Bin.

I'd go and decide if he was worth it after meeting him. For all you know his reading and writing might be bad.