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Original poster

Friend's birthday on dating site

38 replies

Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:10

My friend has found her bf on a dating site. She has set up a false profile and has been talking to him so knows its him.
They have been in a relationship for 4 years , they don't live together and he recently moved 3 hours away for his job.
She felt he had been a bit distant but they meet monthly and he assured her all was okay and he still felt the same and wasn't looking to end things. She saw a notification from a popular dating site pop up on his phone and then she created the false profile and he was quick to swipe and message.
She's torn between setting up a meeting between him and the 'date' and then turning up to confront him or telling him via phone that she knows and its all over.

I don't know what to advise

OP posts:
ThatAussieGuy · 24/10/2022 02:12

I would suggest she has no reason to cause herself grief. He's trash. Move on, Don't create drama for yourself

TheCurseOfBoris · 24/10/2022 02:22

It's over anyway. If she wants the satisfaction of calling him out on being a cheating git then yes, go for it. Or, just block and move on, leaving him wondering.

Original poster
Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:28

Obviously the title should say boyfriend not birthday.
if she sets up the 'date 'and goes to it he could say, he knew it was her all along and twist it back on her and she will believe him.

I am not his biggest fan anyway and so I don't want to advise with that bias

OP posts:
ThatAussieGuy · 24/10/2022 02:30

Yes, she is giving him control to try to manipulate the situation if she meets him. It's clear what he did. Kick him to the curb

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2022 02:30

Your friend needs to block him immediately and move on with her life. It's quite telling that he moved so far away from her after 4 years of being together, isn't it? Confronting him will just be a waste of time and make her look desperate.

Original poster
Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:38

She is supposed to be moving in with him in the new year- she has been waiting for her house to sell which it just has.
In some ways I really wish she hadn't told me or asked my advice. I can't be objective as I think he's an idiot.

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 24/10/2022 03:04

Can she get someone else to meet him on the "date" that way he can't say...

"I knew it was you all along"
"I wasn't going to meet her"
"I was just curious"

Or any of the other bullshit he will try and use

Polecat07 · 24/10/2022 03:28

Now I have Kate Bush 'Babushka' stuck in my head, but yeah, this just seems like an agonising time wasting exercise- she knows what he is now, just cut him loose?

Smineusername · 24/10/2022 03:42

Set up the date and don't go

ThatAussieGuy · 24/10/2022 05:32

Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:38

She is supposed to be moving in with him in the new year- she has been waiting for her house to sell which it just has.
In some ways I really wish she hadn't told me or asked my advice. I can't be objective as I think he's an idiot.

That's a bit of a mess for her but still the only smart thing to do, is run

JangolinaPitt · 24/10/2022 05:37

Set up the date some where inconvenient for him and don’t go
or send a friend he doesn’t know
them just block
either way it’s over so don’t actually go or engage in any dialogue about it.

oopsfellover · 24/10/2022 06:15

Well sounds like she’s thinking it through herself really, but if I had to advise I’d say end it by phone. The fake date option sounds a bit convoluted and risky to me.

Bookworm20 · 24/10/2022 12:13

He is on a dating site and actively talking to another woman (her fake profile). Theres really not much more to say is there. She needs to not sell her house and mover in with this cheating loser.

If she wants to draw some sort of line and find out how far he'd take it, then yes tell her to set up a date.

KettrickenSmiled · 24/10/2022 12:23

Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:38

She is supposed to be moving in with him in the new year- she has been waiting for her house to sell which it just has.
In some ways I really wish she hadn't told me or asked my advice. I can't be objective as I think he's an idiot.

Then she has bigger issues than causing herself grief & drama by staging this confrontation/'date'.

What stage is the sale process at - is she able to pull out?

I would advise her NOT to go & meet him - it will make her miserable & he is likely to manipulate her in all the ways PP have said.

girlmom21 · 24/10/2022 12:46

Tell her to cancel the house sale and text him telling him anything still at hers is at his moms, then block.

dontputitthere · 24/10/2022 12:49

What's her conflict?

He's a cheat. Does she need more proof?

First things first. Sort out the house sale

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 24/10/2022 12:51

Why can’t she just block him and not let him into her house any more? Why all the drama and skullduggery?

RedAmber · 24/10/2022 13:09

I did this OP, and had a "live" thread on here.

I arranged a date with BF at a certain time and place, then kept delaying it to see how long he would stand outside the cafe!

Some mnetters would have walked passed him if I'd posted earlier but they didn't have enough time. It was funny but also heartbreaking.

And of course some mnetters thought I was a troll!!

Made me feel great too. I never told him it was me! Obviously dumped him soon after!

I'll see if I can find the thread.

Madagascary · 24/10/2022 13:10

It’s like the pina colada song.

RedAmber · 24/10/2022 13:11

Found it

To make my bf wait hours for his blind date http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3129992-To-make-my-bf-wait-hours-for-his-blind-date

MichelleScarn · 24/10/2022 13:13

Whose photo is on the fake profile?! Do they know?

KitchiHuritAngeni · 24/10/2022 13:14

She should set up the date, don't go, then ghost him and block him on everything. If he finds a way to get in touch, ignore him completely.

pinkolu · 24/10/2022 13:17

Is your friend using someone else's photo? Or is it someone with a photo-less profile he's willing to meet up with?

IncompleteSenten · 24/10/2022 13:18

If she was my friend, I'd tell her to dump him.
Send him a text with screenshots of his old profile and say we are over. Don't contact me again

Then she needs to look for somewhere to buy where she is .

Thing is, she knows he's cheating.

If she wants to convince herself he's not then she will. It is entirely her decision to pretend to believe him if he comes out with any bullshit.

pinkolu · 24/10/2022 13:27

RedAmber · 24/10/2022 13:11

Found it

To make my bf wait hours for his blind date http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3129992-To-make-my-bf-wait-hours-for-his-blind-date

Just read through this. Absolutely love it!!