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Original poster

Friend's birthday on dating site

38 replies

Crochetter · 24/10/2022 02:10

My friend has found her bf on a dating site. She has set up a false profile and has been talking to him so knows its him.
They have been in a relationship for 4 years , they don't live together and he recently moved 3 hours away for his job.
She felt he had been a bit distant but they meet monthly and he assured her all was okay and he still felt the same and wasn't looking to end things. She saw a notification from a popular dating site pop up on his phone and then she created the false profile and he was quick to swipe and message.
She's torn between setting up a meeting between him and the 'date' and then turning up to confront him or telling him via phone that she knows and its all over.

I don't know what to advise

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 24/10/2022 13:33

@pinkolu me too! 😄

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 24/10/2022 13:44

Me too! Supposed to be working but just spent way too long reading the whole coffee shop date thread. Hope your friend does the same OP, legend!

CarefreeMe · 24/10/2022 14:32

Why is she wasting any more of her time on this low life.

K would have ended it the second I found out he was on there.

It sounds like she wants to carry on with it and meet him there because she’s not ready to come to terms with the end of the relationship.

Tell her to screenshot the messages so he can’t delete them and tell him it’s over because he’s been arranging to meet up with other women on dating sites.

Don’t say it was her but say one of her friends sent her the screenshots.

I wouldn’t even get into a conversation with him. She just needs to say it’s over and why and be done.

Original poster
Crochetter · 24/10/2022 15:46

RedAmber · 24/10/2022 13:11

Found it

To make my bf wait hours for his blind date http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3129992-To-make-my-bf-wait-hours-for-his-blind-date

Thats fab. Tempted to get her to do that, if he hadn't already met me I would have gone along as the 'date'
Didn't ask what photo she has used, I assume a stock photo from the Internet.
Seems quite an even split between blocking him without setting up the date and those advising her to set up the date and either not go or to get someone else to.

OP posts:
altmember · 24/10/2022 15:59

So after 4 years of being a couple, and not living together, he's moved 3 hours away and now they only see each other once a month. What sort of relationship is that? It doesn't sound very serious. Do they have any medium/long term plan where they'll end up living together? If a partner of mine decided to move that far away without some sort of agreement on how we'd end up, then I'd assume they didn't value the relationship and that they were vacating it.

Obviously no excuse for cheating though, but it doesn't sound like much of a relationship to be losing.

dontputitthere · 24/10/2022 16:00

altmember · 24/10/2022 15:59

So after 4 years of being a couple, and not living together, he's moved 3 hours away and now they only see each other once a month. What sort of relationship is that? It doesn't sound very serious. Do they have any medium/long term plan where they'll end up living together? If a partner of mine decided to move that far away without some sort of agreement on how we'd end up, then I'd assume they didn't value the relationship and that they were vacating it.

Obviously no excuse for cheating though, but it doesn't sound like much of a relationship to be losing.

Well yeah. She's due to move in with him in the new year. Her house has just sold.

That the kind of thing you mean?

Flamingosarentreal · 24/10/2022 23:51

i'd want closure but that's the sort of person I am .

Original poster
Crochetter · 06/12/2022 00:22

Update-She's still talking to him on the dating site as the other woman. He's apparently booked a hotel for 2 weeks time for them to meet up. She's not planning to turn up but is going to delay it until after the check in time so he will have to pay still.
He has been house hunting for them on the weekends she doesn't see him and thinks he will be moving in to the house she is buying...
She is planning on dumping him on the day she completes. He doesn't know she has an offer on a house already.

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 06/12/2022 00:30

Surely she turns up, they are both amazed that they both like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain and theyvthen livevhappily ever after?

Lonelylonelylonely · 06/12/2022 06:03

A hotel is a bit forward for a first date isn't it? Or is her profile set for the area where she's currently living and he's just going to the area to meet "her"/fake date?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/12/2022 09:02

I wouldn’t do the date to confront
way too much emotional energy

id encourage her to delete him and fade

as and when he texts don’t reply

if he pushes - send a screenshot and say ‘bye’

she probably feels like shit

Original poster
Crochetter · 06/12/2022 09:39

She put her location a little way away from him so he's travelling and staying in the hotel. They are meeting in the bar-or so he thinks

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 06/12/2022 10:39

Crochetter · 06/12/2022 00:22

Update-She's still talking to him on the dating site as the other woman. He's apparently booked a hotel for 2 weeks time for them to meet up. She's not planning to turn up but is going to delay it until after the check in time so he will have to pay still.
He has been house hunting for them on the weekends she doesn't see him and thinks he will be moving in to the house she is buying...
She is planning on dumping him on the day she completes. He doesn't know she has an offer on a house already.

Your friend is brilliant!
Get the champagne ready for when she simultaneously completes on her house and ditches this cheating loser from her life!

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