Looked at escorts online

[Shannon771]

Hi,
I really need some objective insight and feedback on this situation. I have a fiancé and we share
a home in England. Fiancé (age 54) came back home from visiting his grown son in Canada (where fiancé is from originally). As soon as he got back home I picked up his tablet to look something up and an escort website popped up!
It was for a higher end call girl service (in the town fiancé was visiting son, and also where fiancé visits every few months). I have never seen any of his web history prior to this and we have only been living together for one year when this happened. So I saw that he looked at 18 different profiles of escorts but I didn’t see where he had contacted anyone or anything like that. But he was clearly looking at many profiles! When I asked him about it he was mortified and he said that he had been clearing out his old emails while visiting his son and that some porn emails popped up and also the escort site just popped up and so he looked at it out of curiosity. He said it was a pop up and he only looked but I feel like looking at 18 pages of profiles is quite a bit. He said he had no idea that escorts would ever even be online which I find very hard to believe.
i just don’t know what to think. He had a previous marriage of over 20 years. Any advice?

that he looked because he just couldn’t believe that escorts would advertise online like that! I mean really

What, he had to look through 18 of them to believe it?🙄

He may have a great rep professionally but let's face it, a professional, public and social persona is a facade. People don't know you personally.

His son knows him personally and has accused him of being a cheater, and a serial one at that.

THIS.

LOL you'd really have to be a fool to believe this lie.

I'm younger than him, a female and I remember prostitutes advertising in phone booths .... He would've seen that too. The internet has been going commercially for over 20 yrs and he's surprised prostitutes advertise on there, like any other industry. In fact even more likely to use an anonymous platform.

His surprise/marvel appears decidedly fake and disengenuous.

He's trying to claim he's so straightlaced and innocent he was shocked/marveling at it.

A normal man in his 50s who's got a good job, married 20 yrs, other relationships, travels internationally etc. and we're supposed to believe he's a slack jawed, shocked yokel whos browsing prostitutes because he just can't believe they advertise online.

I'm not buying it, not many people would.

I also thought span filters were good enough to filter out porn emails now too, especially unsolicited, not signed up for emails.

I haven't had any unsolicited porn mails in Hotmail, yahoo and Gmail for a looong time.

Well exactly! He’s a very well traveled well educated person. He’s also a very skilled liar apparently.

He said he was clearing out really old emails and some of those types of emails were on there. 🧐

So he's checked out 18 profiles in the town that he was staying in? That's a deliberate search and nothing at all to do with pop ups. What a wanker.

Just to go through the process too; porn emails are usually fairly obvious, and would not be novel to a 50 yr old man; he didn't have to open them. But he opened them.

Pop ups don't have to be clicked on, he clicked on to lead anywhere, he clicked on them.

Once on the main website, having seen what it was, he browsed 18 local sex workers profiles. He didn't need to click on the porn mail, click on the pop up or stay on the site let alone browse 18 profiles.

But anyway .... I would suspect the porn mail, pop up etc explanation is a lie,nor partially a lie anyway.

In spite of being a mature, experienced, presumably intelligent IT literate professional he was also ran accidentally afoul of the dating website you met him on and mistook how to make his profile inactive.
Or did he.

Is his grasp of technology so poor when it comes to work?

Not that skilled as it's totally unbelievable.

When I clear out emails, I check box them and delete them.

I don't open them, unless I really don't know what they are.

That's not usually the case with porn emails. They make it clear what they are because they want to prompt/entice the recipient to open them.

*Pop ups have to be clicked on to lead anywhere, he clicked on them.

Yes it is. However the manner in which he says what happened is very adamant and as if he’s absolutely telling the truth. Meaning he’s good at lying. Or maybe I’m just gullible.

Sorry op I wouldn’t fall for his lies, even his son calls him a cheater

Some people are like that.

You're not gullible it you wouldn't have started this thread.

It's totally natural to be thrown by someone you're supposed to trust telling you adamantly that they're telling the truth about something and question yourself.

Yes and that’s exactly what happened. Also it’s nearly impossible to get a reality check because I can’t go to family or friends with this! But I’m certainly getting one here!

You have sufficient information to end this. No matter how he comes back to you, you can calmly say “I don’t trust you so the relationship is over”. There really is no arguing with that. You could spend forever trying to get more evidence but at what cost/benefit? You know enough to know he’s not the man you thought you met.

My Mum always used to say “I don’t profess to know much about relationships, but I know this much: without trust, there is no relationship!”. Words to live by!

Absolutely and very well said! It’s going to be a lot of stress to sell this home and get out and find a new home, etc but the trust has been broken and this person is clearly not who he pretends he is.

My husband did the same. He convinced me he hadn't done anything. I took him back and 4 months later I discovered 100% he had been visiting escorts

This. Particularly about what you said you can say with just one line , end it and walk away.

Some things don't need analysing, or to convince yourself otherwise, or some big big big reaction towards the other person.
One line if they even deserve that, and on your way.

As I’m sat here I have had not one escort email or pop up from escorts in my local area. Anyone else?
I’ve certainly never mistakenly clicked one.or 18 times after that!
you no what he’s done.
you’ve remembered other things now.red flags billowing everywhere op.
mand yes it will take logistics to sort the house.but the freedom and life back on track will be worth it.a house sale isn’t the end of the world.staying with someone you don’t trust kinda is.
at least with sorting out the details of house etc it will give you something to focus on. That can take the emotional toll off a bit.it means you can’t sit and wallow because you have things to sort.

I hope you're a troll @Yasmin2025

Or a bloke.

The idea of a woman in 2025 typing that out and posting it is too depressing.