Do you ever think about your first love

[lilaclilypod]

I met my first boyfriend when I was 13 and we were together for 6 years. He ended it and it absolutely devastated me I then bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship throughout my adulthood, I'm now a recently single mum of 2.

Over the last 20 years we've had sporadic contact, usually one messages the other following a break up etc. we met up once about 10 years ago but I was talking to my current husband on pof nothing happened, I got married.

I split with my husband 3 months ago and he messaged me last week saying he'd split with his partner a month ago and asked if I'd like to meet up.

He's the only person who's ever treated me nicely (obviously up until he literally shattered my heart completely out the blue). I always remember the first time we met like it was yesterday, no one has ever looked at me the way he did. I've never felt the same about anyone else. I have no bad memories from our time together.

But this is a terrible idea isn't it, we aren't kids. Life isn't the same. I'm under no illusion we've both completely changed as people. Life was carefree then, now we both have baggage and kids. I think the truth is I never really got over it, I've regularly thought about him over the years. I'm also still adjusting to my marriage ending and I have absolutely no desire to introduce anyone to my kids for a very long time if ever whilst they're young.

I don't know the point of this, guess I just wanted to hear others opinion and experience.

If my sister will have my boys tomorrow then we'll meet for a coffee.. if not then probably next weekend now. He offered to take me out for lunch tomorrow but I'm thinking coffee is easier for a swift exit if needs be for any reason!

I'm so excited but so nervous. I think I need some fun and something to get excited about!

Yes, he’s one of my best friends and chief babysitter.

I think as your marriage has very recently ended, I would try to avoid meeting up for a while as you’ll be vulnerable and more likely to get stuck in the whirlwind of excitement when you do meet.

Go for it! I find myself in a very similar situation, just in the middle of separating from my husband . We’ve always kept in sporadic contact, birthdays etc but are now planning to meet. We were together 7 years and he was the love of my life. I’m trying to be calm and think we’ve probably both changed and nothing may come of this, and I certainly never intended for it to be so soon. But I think I’d always regret not doing it.

Good luck.

Ahhh I hope it works out for you
I know I'm a completely different person to who I was back then, and I'm sure he is too but who knows.

I definitely don't want to get serious soon. My boys are still very young, eldest is autistic and has struggled a lot with the change so no matter how carried away I get he will always bring me back down to earth. Nothing will stop me from giving them the stability they need. And anyone who doesn't get that isn't worth my time.

I think you’re doing the right thing.
Good luck.

For those who wanted an update.. someone said they were hoping to hear a happy ever after.. absolutely not!

There were so many reg flags. He seemed very different from the last time I saw him 10 years ago. I don't remember thinking this then.

For a start, he doesn't see his son. Apparently it's all the ex and a hate campaign against him but he's doing absolutely nothing about it. If he can't be arsed with his own son he isn't ever close to being good enough for mine.

And he was very clearly only after 1 thing which actually I wouldn't have minded and would be open to a FWB kind of arrangement however he absolutely stunk desperation! Talking about specific times we'd been together as kids and no one has ever made him feel how I did and that he remembers every time. And just as I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse he talked about fingering

Honestly I'm sat here laughing at how cringe it all was. But, I'm glad I went. Because I'd got him on the pedestal of being the perfect man, and he was then but I've very clearly changed immeasurably and he hasn't at all really.

Oh I wondered how it went! Well at least now you know! Fingering! 🤣 Good luck for the future! X

Nothing to lose by meeting him

alot to lose by building him into a fantasy

but meet and get back in the horse ?

Fingering
🤮
missed that update

Life is short OP and we only get one chance. I’d say go for it! There’s obviously a reason why you both repeatedly get in contact with each other

breaking up with somebody doesn’t make you a horrible person. He was 19. I know that doesn’t take away the hurt you felt, but we are allowed to leave relationships if we want to

Omfg!!! Yes, very clearly off the pedestal 😂. Thanks for the update :)

Well done, now you know and can have peace of mind.

And just as I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse he talked about fingering
Christ I nearly woke my 14 month old up laughing at this. Oh op, poor you but what a lucky escape. I imagine you dried out quicker than a puddle in the Sahara when hen brought that up 🤮

I was 14 when I met my first love, together for 8 years so very similar. We didn't have any contact at all for 18 years. I married and had 3 DC, he had long term relationships but never married. One day when single I sent him a friend request on FB (turns out he was single too and living abroad). We have been together 10 years now, married for 9 and our DC is now 8. I've never looked back.

At least you will no longer be thinking of him as the one that got away!

We broke up in 1983. He never wanted children, I couldn’t live without them.

I met someone and had a family. We stayed in touch here and there over the years, and after my 22 yr marriage broke up, we met up for coffee. That was 15 years ago and now we are very happily married. It is better than ever, better than it would have been if we had married young and we love every moment we have together. I hope you get the happy ending! Ours started with a coffee, too.

I still talk to my first love. I was 17, he was 23... i was infatuated until he cheated on me! We're now 47 and 52, still get really well :)

I guess that’s one clear way of putting the past behind you.. at least now you know!!
To answer your original question, I do sometimes think of my ‘first love’, yea. Only in a passing sort of way. He was absolutely gorgeous and he thoroughly adored me but he was prone to jealousy and I did the right thing dumping him, it allowed me to be free and just do my thing at 18 rather than towing the line and worrying about him and his reactions. I expect he doesn’t think of me so kindly, he suffered from depression following our split and apparently harboured a lot of animosity for a while.

I was so in love with first boyfriend. I idolised him. We had a magical year together. Then he cheated on me and broke my heart. I got a huge shock when I went back to my hometown to visit my sister last year and she casually told me he had died in of Covid. Even though I am have been happily married to or almost 18 years I was so shocked when she told me I couldn't breathe, then started shaking, then cried. I think my sister was surprised at my reaction. Glad DH was not with me. I have dreamed of him a few times since as he told me. Always memories about things we do did or places we went to together. Then I feel guilty when I wake up.

What an update.

You live and learn.

I must admit for a while I did try to rekindle the relationship, but then met another lovely lady.

With the first lady, now and then I wonder how the timeline would of been if we had stayed together, but these days I don't think we would be suited now.