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Original poster

Do you ever think about your first love

71 replies

lilaclilypod · 22/10/2022 10:13

I met my first boyfriend when I was 13 and we were together for 6 years. He ended it and it absolutely devastated me I then bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship throughout my adulthood, I'm now a recently single mum of 2.

Over the last 20 years we've had sporadic contact, usually one messages the other following a break up etc. we met up once about 10 years ago but I was talking to my current husband on pof nothing happened, I got married.

I split with my husband 3 months ago and he messaged me last week saying he'd split with his partner a month ago and asked if I'd like to meet up.

He's the only person who's ever treated me nicely (obviously up until he literally shattered my heart completely out the blue). I always remember the first time we met like it was yesterday, no one has ever looked at me the way he did. I've never felt the same about anyone else. I have no bad memories from our time together.

But this is a terrible idea isn't it, we aren't kids. Life isn't the same. I'm under no illusion we've both completely changed as people. Life was carefree then, now we both have baggage and kids. I think the truth is I never really got over it, I've regularly thought about him over the years. I'm also still adjusting to my marriage ending and I have absolutely no desire to introduce anyone to my kids for a very long time if ever whilst they're young.

I don't know the point of this, guess I just wanted to hear others opinion and experience.

OP posts:
secondtonone · 22/10/2022 12:01

Not my first. I have a child with him, so we talk all the time and those feelings are long gone.

But my second... every single day since I met him. Actually met him during a break up with the first, 20 years ago. But we never managed to work it all out. He died a few months ago and I have so many regrets, like not meeting up with him last time he was home, and then still not going to visit him just before lockdown.

He hurt me a lot over the years, but I still wonder 'what if?' It likely would never have worked out between us, but l wish I had been braver.

MakeItRain · 22/10/2022 12:10

There are some reasons to leave it and some to go for it! You could either leave it, because you've put him on a pedestal and really you don't know him now, so you're looking for a fantasy version of him. You're also in a vulnerable position having just left your marriage. In my experience that's the worst time to think about meeting anyone else, because let's face it probably ANYONE would be better than your ex, and you'll be vulnerable to missing red flags and problems.

OR... you could meet him because you've always kept in touch, your memories are basically good and his reasons for splitting up with you at the age he did are actually fair enough really.

I'm quite on the fence, but in your shoes I'd probably meet for a coffee despite any reservations, and see what happens!

wowzersididntexpectthat · 22/10/2022 12:32

Yes. He's on my school FB group. I've always felt he was the love of my life.

I posted about something a couple of years ago and he responded asking how I was. I responded quite breezily (and then obviously checked out his profile)!

burnoutbabe · 22/10/2022 12:40

i often think fondly of the cute young 14 year old i fell for (also 14) and dated until 17.

I then like the facebook posts of the now 49 year old man, and see the now (just like me) now middle aged, put on weight, losing weight chap.

(he is fine, married 2 kids, me too, just he definately isn't the cute boy i fell for all those years ago)

getsomehelp · 22/10/2022 12:48

I dream occasionally of mine, he ends up hurting me again in the dreams !
He did try to contact me a few times, by letter, & once asking me to meet him as he was working locally. I didnt reply.
He is married (to someone who looks strangely like me) with a golden family.
Successful & Wealthy & lives in the converted farm with roses round the doorframe, that he said he never wanted...
I expect he's happy, but still a philanderer

Rushingfool · 22/10/2022 12:52

Meet up. You might find he's nothing like the rose-tinted version you've been holding on to, and it allows you to move on. If nothing else, it'll stop you, in years to come, thinking "why didn't I meet up with him?". Just don't go headlong into another relationship with him. Take your time.

Noxpox · 22/10/2022 12:59

@lilaclilypod I think the only way to know is to meet up. It doesn’t have to be anything other than 2 old friends catching up. Then go from there. FWIW I was in this exact situation. First love ended when I was around 18/19. We both always held a torch. Had sporadic contact between other relationships when they ended. Then well over ten years later we met up, gave it another go. At first it was great reminiscing and all those first love feelings! But after a month or so I realised we were living in the past. I reverted back to my teenage self when I was with him but that wasn’t me anymore. We weren’t the same people. It started to not feel right and we didn’t continue it. Still friends now but at least we know it’s best left in the past. I don’t regret trying though as it closed that chapter.

MMmomDD · 22/10/2022 13:04

What do you have to lose if you meet up?
You both have grown up by now and have life experiences that shaped the adults that you are.
Your fantasy is based on your memories of you as kids. So - meeting him will be good for many reasons.
At a min - you’ll see if your fantasy is just that - or you get along and fit as adults as well.

Rachaelrachael · 22/10/2022 13:19

In your shoes I would have to meet up with him! If you'll don't you'll spend the rest of your life thinking about him and wondering what could have been. If you meet him, either things will progress or you can get closure knowing he isn't the same person you've fantasised about all these years and move on

Kabbalah · 22/10/2022 13:20

No, never have. We went our separate ways when we finished our "A" levels. He wanted to take time out and backpack around Asia and Australia. I couldn't be doing with all that and went straight to University as a student Nurse/Midwife. It was a bit upsetting at the time, he was truly beautiful, but I didn't dwell on it and went on to meet my husband in my second year.

Never heard from him again.

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 22/10/2022 13:25

I married my first love, we met at 16 and got married at 19 - we’re in our mid-thirties now and still very happily married. It was real when we were kids and it has only grown deeper. Go for it!

ArcaneWireless · 22/10/2022 13:27

I have no bad memories from our time together.

But you wrote this first He ended it and it absolutely devastated me

By all means meet him but keep a little wall round your heart for now. Date. Have fun. But don’t slide into this because it is easy and comfortable for him. (And you)

I don’t much think of my first love. I see him around now and again but we don’t tend to acknowledge each other.

He went out with me for a bet.

Original poster
lilaclilypod · 22/10/2022 20:01

You have convinced me to go for it, I agree that if I don't I will always wonder. I don't need to rush, I can still be independent, it doesn't need to be serious, I'm not ready for serious. As some people said, it will either work out or it will give me closure over something I've held onto for many years! It has literally been the only thing I have thought about today and if I don't do it then I'll always question it.

You regret the things you don't do right? What's the worst that can happen!

OP posts:
Rachaelrachael · 22/10/2022 20:08

Ooh yay, I'm excited for you! Keep us updated 😀

PurplePansy05 · 22/10/2022 20:10

Yes. Regularly. I think we met at the wrong time of our lives. He's had a failed l9ng-term relationship, then a failed marriage and a failed engagement and never settled properly. Never had children, although I know he wanted them. I came very close to divorce myself and definitely thought about the what ifs a lot then.

Bonniewann · 22/10/2022 20:11

Every day.

He's sat next to me.

Bonniewann · 22/10/2022 20:12

In fact it's our 22 year anniversary of starting to date today.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 22/10/2022 20:13

lilaclilypod · 22/10/2022 10:13

I met my first boyfriend when I was 13 and we were together for 6 years. He ended it and it absolutely devastated me I then bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship throughout my adulthood, I'm now a recently single mum of 2.

Over the last 20 years we've had sporadic contact, usually one messages the other following a break up etc. we met up once about 10 years ago but I was talking to my current husband on pof nothing happened, I got married.

I split with my husband 3 months ago and he messaged me last week saying he'd split with his partner a month ago and asked if I'd like to meet up.

He's the only person who's ever treated me nicely (obviously up until he literally shattered my heart completely out the blue). I always remember the first time we met like it was yesterday, no one has ever looked at me the way he did. I've never felt the same about anyone else. I have no bad memories from our time together.

But this is a terrible idea isn't it, we aren't kids. Life isn't the same. I'm under no illusion we've both completely changed as people. Life was carefree then, now we both have baggage and kids. I think the truth is I never really got over it, I've regularly thought about him over the years. I'm also still adjusting to my marriage ending and I have absolutely no desire to introduce anyone to my kids for a very long time if ever whilst they're young.

I don't know the point of this, guess I just wanted to hear others opinion and experience.

I think about him an awful lot. I still adore him.

slipperclip · 22/10/2022 20:14

I love my first love still. I think about him every single day

JustCheckingItsYou · 22/10/2022 20:19

Reunited with mine after 20 years. He’s older, chunkier with less hair but still gives me butterflies.

Aria999 · 22/10/2022 20:22

I think go for it.

I am married to mine. I wasn't his but pretty sure he's over her!

Spanielsarepainless · 22/10/2022 20:24

I do. I looked him up and forty years on he appears to be unmarried and living in the same village. I dumped him when I went to university, not my finest hour, I must admit. It would be nice to meet for coffee or a drink but I can't see that happening.

mollymole999 · 22/10/2022 20:35

When will u meet him? We need a fairytale ending update OP

Shunter350 · 22/10/2022 20:38

lilaclilypod · 22/10/2022 10:13

I met my first boyfriend when I was 13 and we were together for 6 years. He ended it and it absolutely devastated me I then bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship throughout my adulthood, I'm now a recently single mum of 2.

Over the last 20 years we've had sporadic contact, usually one messages the other following a break up etc. we met up once about 10 years ago but I was talking to my current husband on pof nothing happened, I got married.

I split with my husband 3 months ago and he messaged me last week saying he'd split with his partner a month ago and asked if I'd like to meet up.

He's the only person who's ever treated me nicely (obviously up until he literally shattered my heart completely out the blue). I always remember the first time we met like it was yesterday, no one has ever looked at me the way he did. I've never felt the same about anyone else. I have no bad memories from our time together.

But this is a terrible idea isn't it, we aren't kids. Life isn't the same. I'm under no illusion we've both completely changed as people. Life was carefree then, now we both have baggage and kids. I think the truth is I never really got over it, I've regularly thought about him over the years. I'm also still adjusting to my marriage ending and I have absolutely no desire to introduce anyone to my kids for a very long time if ever whilst they're young.

I don't know the point of this, guess I just wanted to hear others opinion and experience.

I just feel ( as a guy in his '50's ) that life is too short.
Date each other as adults. Get on with it.

Highfivemum · 22/10/2022 20:46

You were both so very young. Of course I would meet up. Your bigger single. Be friends no harm in that. If later on it develops then good also.