How do I get him to pull his weight?

[mysparkleismissing]

In terms of housework and running through house

We both work ft. Me 50+ hours put of the house his 37 but 2 of those days at home. He just doesn't see washing needs folding or putting on, things need to go IN the dishwasher not next to it, the empty toothpaste goes in the bin. Dinners are generally down to me and I've cooked or catch cooked and he reheats.

Last night I got in at 11pm he remarked we don't have a shop delivery booked for tonight (it normally magically gets delivered on a thursday night)... no cos I'd not go around to organising it. He did nothing, generally he only adds the things he wants like particular drinks or snacks. I went to bed fuming after clearing the washing bins kitchen etc etc.

Tonight he asks me shall we do a click and collect.... erm... shall WE.....

I was literally so angry it feels like I could explode at times

We have this conversation often, we have a cleaner as trying to fairly split housework between us was ridiculous... I know how pathetic that sounds and I'm not proud at all.

Pls be kind

What amazes me about this is how common it is that men are morally content to sit and do FA whilst watching the person they’re supposed to love flogging themselves sorting the kids, working, cooking, cleaning etc.

I can only think there is an internal assumption that we like it, or are inherently ‘better’ at it or born to it. All misogynistic ideas that they probably grew up with watching their own mother do they same. It’s not just men, some women have those same false assumptions because it’s all they’ve ever known.

Well not in my house. It’s a partnership. And that is how my son has grown up and how he is with his partner. And my dds don’t automatically assume domestic servitude but will do their bit and so it goes…If you have kids you are committing them to the same fate unless YOU change. He won’t do so you have to.

You make a stand and say that from now on everything is split. You expect him to do his share - not to be managed or told what to do but to step up like a grown adult. Tell him in a very serious tone that it’s affecting your respect for him in the relationship. Then piss and moan and make a fuss each and every time he doesn’t. Don’t compensate. Cook your own food and do your own washing if he doesn’t start pulling his weight. Be angry. Yes, it will make life difficult and awkward for a time but it’ll certainly get the message home. You need to keep this up and have the stamina to see it through so he knows you mean business.

It’s radical action and a complete change in mindset for both of you that will solve this, not passive seething and ranting on MN.

🤣🤣🤣

Yep another person who truly believes women are born to it but men need hand holding and their brows mopped. WTF.

🙄

Like they do at work? 😆😆😆😆

You can't.
You can report your thread and tell them you want it to be deleted.

Is it that you don't like people's opinions?

Try leaving his dirty dishes and rubbish in his car (on his seat) so that he can’t ignore them. Stop doing his washing or cooking and make his life a lot less comfortable. Or just divorce him.

Tbh yours does more than mine does so I have no advice

Just know you're not alone

Tell him you need him to do it. If you've been the one in the house who books deliveries don't be mad at him for not doing it. He can't read your mind.

What amazes me about this is how common it is that men are morally content to sit and do FA whilst watching the person they’re supposed to love flogging themselves sorting the kids, working, cooking, cleaning etc.

I'm amazed that they don't think or care that we get tired. They don't see that we're doing everything and it's exhausting.

You don't share a child? i'd consider leaving.

What an absolute waster you brought into your son's life, and of course you married him.🙄

Wasters only make life harder🤷🏻‍♀️

Your son deserves better than this, not to mind you.

My wife is like this. I have no advice sorry.

This ⬆