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Original poster

What to do? DP's beard hurts me every time we kiss

45 replies

greyinggranny · 20/10/2022 15:35

I really like kissing DP. He likes kissing me. His beard or rather, bristles, grow outwards. They spike me every time we kiss. I mean, really hurt - to the point that I now shy away. He doesn't want to shave them off. His right I guess. He's not into 'products' to soften them.

Part of me can see his reasoning. Another part of me thinks that he's neglecting to consider that every time he leans in for a kiss, he's bloody hurting me! Who would even do that?

If you have a bearded partner, how did you get around this?

OP posts:
Threadkillacilla · 20/10/2022 15:37

They should feel better after it grows a bit, it's when they keep trimming.

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/10/2022 15:38

I love my partners beard (have only ever known him with one) but it's a full beard, not bristles, which I think makes a difference.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/10/2022 15:39

It’s because it’s stubble rather than a beard I expect. My husband has had a beard since I met him, married 33 years, never been an issue.

FistFullOfRegrets · 20/10/2022 15:40

'Not until you shave that off. It's hurts & I'm fed up of being hurt' worked well for me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2022 15:41

He doesn't want to shave them off. His right I guess. He's not into 'products' to soften them.

And you don't want to be in pain, so don't kiss him. Really. Your choice/his choice. His choice doesn't trump yours about YOUR body. It does about HIS.

I agree that the mid-stage is horrible, full beards don't hurt but look awful.

Bookworm20 · 20/10/2022 15:41

There isn't a way around it. His beard hurts you when you kiss. Nothing you can do about it. But there is something HE can do about it. So perhaps ask him, whats more important. His spiky old beard or kissing you without inflicting pain!

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/10/2022 15:43

Would he not consider beard oil? That's essential maintenance I'd say! Will soften it quickly too

IncompleteSenten · 20/10/2022 15:43

I'd stop kissing him.

No kiss in the world is worth stubble rash.

He doesn't want to shave it, that's fine. He has to accept that you don't want to feel pain.

Shoxfordian · 20/10/2022 15:46

Stop kissing him and he can make his choice

WakingUpDistress · 20/10/2022 16:01

Please stop doing anything that is hurting you/you feel uncomfortable about/you don’t like.
The fact he wants something does t mean you ha et to suck it up regardless of how you feel about it.
Its true for anything really. A sex position, his beard, moving house etc….

So yes, his body, his choice. He can keep his subtle/beard. In the mean time, stop kissing him fgs.
Each and every single time you give him a kiss despite the fact you dint enjoy it, you are telling him that it’s nit that bad and can be ignored. Each time you kiss him, you are telling yourself (and him) that your feelings don’t matter.
THEY DO. Stop acting as if it wasn’t the case.

Ten have a conversation. He can try and grow that beard quickly so you can resume kissing (assuming it reaches a stage where it’s comfortable fir you).
Or he can get rid if it.

Oh and don’t let him go down on you.

mathanxiety · 20/10/2022 16:05

You don't owe him a kiss.
If he thinks you do, it's time for a rethink of the relationship. You're not there for him to do whatever he wants to without complaining and regardless of whether it hurts.

mathanxiety · 20/10/2022 16:06

.. wants to you...

Mumoblue · 20/10/2022 16:14

Have you highlighted to him how it’s kinda gross that he doesn’t care that he’s hurting you just bc he’s not “into products”?

I’m the same, in that I have extremely sensitive skin and kissing someone with a beard makes me want to rip my own face off. Refuse. It’s his face that’s doing the harm, why should you suffer.

novalia89 · 20/10/2022 16:15

I totally get that, It's my scalp that it hurts, or just pokes it. But I tend to just move away. A kiss is much trickier, so ask if he can grow it a little if possible so it isn't as firm?

MMmomDD · 20/10/2022 16:18

If he doesn’t want to shave - fair enough.
But ‘not being into’ produced that can make it softer and hence not hurt you - really?
What next - he decided he likes a kind of sex that hurts you - but ‘not into’ reigning it in?

I think this sort of selfishness is just the beginning of longer term situation where his needs are more important than yours.
Not sure I could be in a relationship with someone like that.

Eeksteek · 20/10/2022 16:21

Late DH went on and on about having a beard. I find them painful at the stubble stage and painful and icky after that, and deeply unattractive at all stages. I said he could have one, of course, but it wasn’t to touch my skin. Ever. He opted not grow one, and went on and on about he he wasn’t ‘allowed’ one. I stand firm. They hurt. It’s not coming hear me. End of.

Penguinsaregreat · 20/10/2022 16:23

Why won’t he use products?
id day stop kissing him. Not great for a relationship but it’s his choice.

Shodan · 20/10/2022 16:25

On the rare occasions when DP lets his stubble grow I limit kissing. I also offer to rub his face/other tender skin with an emery board so he can get an idea of what it feels like for me to kiss Stubble Man.

He usually shaves ASAP.

peachgreen · 20/10/2022 16:26

He either starts conditioning it (it works!) or shaves it off, or you stop kissing him

MaxTalk · 20/10/2022 16:26

Kiss someone else instead.

Soubriquet · 20/10/2022 16:27

Mine grew his stubble into a beard. Whilst it was growing it hurt. Now it’s fully grown it’s fine!

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/10/2022 16:28

He's not very nice is he?

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 20/10/2022 16:31

My ex was like this. I love the look of stubble on a man and much preferred the way he looked with it, but his stubble was so coarse it really hurt my face, especially as he was quite a passionate kisser and would really “get into it”!

Eventually it got to a point where if he came round to see me without having shaved I wouldn’t kiss him until he did, and it really affected how I felt about him tbh. It was like he was making a statement that he didn’t want to kiss me, as he knew that if he hadn’t shaved I couldn’t do it.

He would always shave before bed so he knew that if he wanted sex he had to do it. I could probably manage the next day too. But anything longer than that meant it was so scratchy my face ended up so red. it just meant that all the casual snogs and foreplay that I enjoyed in the evening before we went upstairs all went out of the window and it went from not kissing for 3-4 days to having a shave and expecting sex, so it all felt a bit transactional.

Recently had sex with a new guy who also looks beautiful with a bit of stubble, but his is much softer and didn’t scratch at all, so I think it’s just the wiry nature of some mens hair that is the issue. Those who don’t mind it have clearly never kissed a man with a beard like a yard brush!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/10/2022 16:36

My DH once decided he would grow a moustache. I didn't like kissing him with a moustache, so I didn't kiss him. I didn't demand that he shave it off because what he does with his face is his own business, but equally what I do with my face is my business so I didn't tolerate him suggesting that I should just get used to it. Eventually he shaved it off.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 20/10/2022 16:41

Make him wear one of these.

What to do? DP's beard hurts me every time we kiss
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