Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can you tell me what you think about these dates?

31 replies

Nursemammato3 · 20/10/2022 07:08

I though I'd try online dating again!
Started chatting with someone that grew up in the same town as me and we eventually found out we knew some of the same people. Anyway, we were chatting for about a week, good conversation. He did appear to tak quite a bit but I put it down to nerves. We then arranged date 1, a coffee. Went well. It was only an hour but conversation flowed, mainly about growing up in the same town. Arranged date 2, a drink. Again, went well. He did talk alot again but I assumed he was still quite nervous. We arranged another date to watch a film at his and have a few drinks and he would get me a taxi home. He said he would pick me up, go for food and then watch a film. It felt comfortable as the more we spoke, it turned out his sister in law was one of my best friends at school. He went to school with my brother and they have been out for a pint a few times. Or dcs go to the same school. Anyway, all arranged. However, in between, last minute arranged another date as we were both free. He handed me some flowers, which I thought was a nice thing to do. He was talking about the following date that we had arranged and he was looking forward to it and he'd book a table, make something nice for dessert, get the wine in. This time we had a couple of drinks and again, he talked alot. In a space of a couple of hours, he spoke about his 'bad boy' days. I understand we all have a past. Would this put you off moving forward? He liked his cars, crashed a couple of them, walked home drunk and got knocked over, got into fights, told me he stamped on one guy. Alot about his mum. She tried to run his sister in law over about 20 years ago. Over another man involved. He joked and said, stay on the pavement when you meet my mum. I felt myself drifting, thinking this isn't a conversation I want to have. I swayed it a few times. He said, I'm not like that anymore, I'm making myself look bad. Since, he married, had 2 dcs and appeared to do quite well for himself. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable now about the next date. Is this a red flag? I know people change, grow up but it wasn't nice to listen to.
Then....at the end of the date, he went in for a kiss, I was ok about it but there was a bit of an odour afterwards! A bit of a bad taste/smell, I don't know but that wasn't too nice either.
Am I judging too quickly?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 20/10/2022 07:17

No, I'd knock that one on the head.

Meltingsocks · 20/10/2022 07:21

You don't fancy him, it's over!

Oopsiedaisyy · 20/10/2022 07:25

Next...

category12 · 20/10/2022 07:36

He stamped on someone?! 😩

He's failed a number of tests here.

He's also testing you to see what you'll stomach, don't forget.

You're not judging too quickly. I wouldn't see him again.

RewildingAmbridge · 20/10/2022 07:37

Surely if you know fine of the same people you can ask a friend who knows him. He's either portrayed himself poorly or he's a bit of a dick. Either way if you don't fancy him call it a day

Popvan · 20/10/2022 07:40

The stamped on someone is the line drawn under it.

dontputitthere · 20/10/2022 07:42

Yeah guys who stamp on people are not nice

That's the line for me. Fuck what the smell is.

category12 · 20/10/2022 07:50

RewildingAmbridge · 20/10/2022 07:37

Surely if you know fine of the same people you can ask a friend who knows him. He's either portrayed himself poorly or he's a bit of a dick. Either way if you don't fancy him call it a day

A man who tells you he's stamped on someone is more than a bit of a dick.

Arrivederla · 20/10/2022 07:54

Nope. Next!

RewildingAmbridge · 20/10/2022 07:58

@category12 in my experience (a career of working with high risk sexual and violent offending) people who actually do things like that don't talk about it. I suspect he thinks this is impressive and is exaggerating his own behaviour. Hence a dick.

category12 · 20/10/2022 08:05

RewildingAmbridge · 20/10/2022 07:58

@category12 in my experience (a career of working with high risk sexual and violent offending) people who actually do things like that don't talk about it. I suspect he thinks this is impressive and is exaggerating his own behaviour. Hence a dick.

(Thanks for the respect ma authoriteh card which is pretty meaningless on the Internet 🙄)

But anyway a bloke who thinks it's impressive to be violent and "hard" is also non-partner material. And I would continue to argue, more than a bit of a dick. Someone who thinks being a bad guy is aspirational is someone you don't need in your life.

icelollycraving · 20/10/2022 08:15

Grim. I’d be cautious about how I ended it. He’s either a bit of a knob who is talking up his ‘bad boy’ days or they happened. Neither are good.

Nolosomi · 20/10/2022 08:22

No, this would put me off. Nice people don’t ever ‘stamp’ on other people. The odour would be enough for me. I also wouldn’t be going to someone’s house to watch a film after only a few dates. Your need to dodge this bullet OP.

Mumofnarnia · 20/10/2022 08:25

Jeez the family sound crazy! He stamped on someone and his mother tried to run someone over! No way would I date someone like that! She might try to run you over one day if you get on the wrong side of her!

LookForTheLittleThings · 20/10/2022 08:28

Why would he be telling you any of this? He thinks this is impressive in some way? I would run a mile. I have been married for a long time and haven't had "dates" like this since I was in my early 20s but even then, they were so uncomfortable! You are seriously incompatible.

Seaoftroubles · 20/10/2022 08:31

He has told you who he is, so listen. Whether he's exaggerating or not, it's not good news, and as mentioned by category 12 he is already testing your boundaries. Give him a definite swerve O.P.

LookForTheLittleThings · 20/10/2022 08:37

I agree that he's testing your boundaries. Also just a flashback to a date like this... were you really okay about the kiss? Or did you just think it was something that was expected? Because you were already uncomfortable by that point by the sounds of things?

Original poster
Nursemammato3 · 20/10/2022 09:21

Thanks for the messages!
Umm yes, I think, in regards to the kiss. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable but it wasn't until I was home and reflected. Again this morning.

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 20/10/2022 10:39

No thanks. If nothing else it's the talking way too much about himself. And of course stamping on someone. Getting into a couple of fights as a teenager is one thing but that is really violent.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 20/10/2022 12:55

You are getting the ICK !!!

loottie · 20/10/2022 13:04

I mean I'm sure I'm guilty of over-sharing on a date, but this guy?!?

He wouldn't be someone I'd entertain dating, I doubt we would have much in common.

The fact you have to ask on here clearly shows that you are put off him (rightly so imho).

Plenty more nutters out there you could date.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 20/10/2022 13:08

Who the fuck stamps on someone? What was the outcome, did he kill the poor sod? His family sound like terrible people too - plus the stink- get rid asap.

category12 · 20/10/2022 13:11

Plenty more nutters out there you could date.

😂😁

Watchkeys · 20/10/2022 13:19

I think it's a worry that you're having to ask others.

He's plainly put you off. Why aren't you responding to your own feeling? Who do you think the authority is on how long you have to give someone before writing them off?

Go by this metric: the right person will not have you posting on forums wondering if they're exhibiting red flags. That's it. If you feel like 'asking the audience', end it. With the right person, all you'll think is 'god, he's lovely!'. As soon as questions get raised in your head, you're doubting him. You won't doubt the right person.

See this guy as 'dumping practice'. Practice how to walk away from someone keen with as little discomfort as you can. It'll stand you in good stead, knowing how to do that.

emptythelitterbox · 20/10/2022 13:27

Running over people and stamping on someone? He and his family sound a bit trashy.
Probably a heavy drinker who does bad things when drunk.
Anyway, if you have to post here about him, it a no way to seeing him again.