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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I cant believe he just said this…

50 replies

Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 19:14

But I did say something first so..
not threatening tho!

”your going to make me hit you”

im dumbfounded

I know it was a heat of the moment thing

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 19/10/2022 19:24

And so it begins… I wouldn’t be sticking around with anyone that spoke to me like that.

he’s already pushing the threat that if you stand up For yourself or disagree with him he can resort to physical violence and it’s ok because you deserved it and brought it in yourself… this is intimidation. It’s bullying. It’s threats. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

it does not matter what you said or did. This is never an acceptable response.

would you speak that way to a child, family member or work colleague? No. Because you know it’s unacceptable across the board.

End your relationship safely.

he’s shown you his true colours.

YukoandHiro · 19/10/2022 19:27

Leave. He's a threat to your safety.
When someone tells you what they are, believe them.

Soubriquet · 19/10/2022 19:28

Unless you are physically picking his arm up, and swinging it into your face you are not making him do anything.

Leave before it’s too late

Monty27 · 19/10/2022 19:28

You need to end it.

CrispyNoodles · 19/10/2022 19:30

Run, don't walk, OP....

Ekátn · 19/10/2022 19:30

I once got told ‘you made me do that’ when he went for me and stopped himself. I told him to fuck off and never saw him again.

What could you possibly have said that made him think that was an ok thing to say?

Mom2K · 19/10/2022 19:30

Well you know now what he thinks. He's given you a warning to shut you up. And WHEN he hits you (not if, but when) it will be your fault. He has told you.

And you are already making an excuse for him that it was just the heat of the moment. It's not. Normal, nice mean don't threaten verbally or physically. This will get worse and that comment alone is enough to instantly end this relationship. Please be safe 🙏

Mom2K · 19/10/2022 19:31

Normal, nice men*

Planesmistakenforstars · 19/10/2022 19:33

No one makes them hit you. They choose to hit you. This is a warning and a way for him to excuse himself and blame you when he does get violent. Which he will. Take this as a warning and run.

FinallyHere · 19/10/2022 19:34

So sorry OP

It would be when, not if. Unless you get out, now. Do you have family who you can visit? They can help but the really good support with gone from woman's aid. Good luck

ThingsIhavelearnt · 19/10/2022 19:36

YukoandHiro · 19/10/2022 19:27

Leave. He's a threat to your safety.
When someone tells you what they are, believe them.

Your house get him to go - his house leave

joint house report to police and log it and leave

Whadda · 19/10/2022 19:36

Believe him.

Original poster
Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 20:00

He’s never said anything like this in 19 yrs or hit me thats why im shocked

OP posts:
Original poster
Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 20:01

he said something to me about eating and i said erm who r u? Il eat wat i want

OP posts:
JessesMum777888 · 19/10/2022 20:01

Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 20:00

He’s never said anything like this in 19 yrs or hit me thats why im shocked

He’s going to.
Trust me, please please don’t make the same mistakes I did.
Lots of Love x

EllesB · 19/10/2022 20:04

Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 20:01

he said something to me about eating and i said erm who r u? Il eat wat i want

Dude what the hell.

I don't care if you've been together for a century something like that would have me running for the hills.

Original poster
Amyireland1 · 20/10/2022 06:37

Thank you @JessesMum777888 amd im sorry you have been through it hope your ok now

OP posts:
SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 20/10/2022 19:54

Men who talk about hitting you are men who are going to hit you.

sweatervest · 20/10/2022 20:55

when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Oprah said this and I wish I'd heard it years ago.

I hope you're safe and have a plan b, c, d and e sorted. Act quickly. (said with experience)

Fairislefandango · 20/10/2022 21:03

So his 'heat of the moment' thing wasn't caused by something unreasonable you said, then? It wasn't heat-of-the-moment at all, was it? It was to punish you for standing up for yourself when he was making a controlling remark about your eating habits. I'm guessing the initial remark wasn't out of character, and he's ramping things up because he doesn't like it when you don't just go along what he says.

Like others have said, run don't walk. He's preparing you to accept domestic violence and trying to pave the way to you thinking you've driven him to it. Don't stay with a man who can even begin to think like that.

Original poster
Amyireland1 · 21/10/2022 06:17

Thanks @Fairislefandango i can see it from this point now

he’s now acting like nothing happened and being really nice & considerate

OP posts:
Original poster
Amyireland1 · 21/10/2022 06:18

Thanks @sweatervest sorry you have also been through this

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 21/10/2022 06:22

This is how my ex husbands violence started after 8 years of marriage. You ask yourself why the hell he suddenly changed. I would think OP that there has been a subtle pushing of your boundaries for years cul.inating in this threat of violence ce. Watch out.

deeperthanallroses · 21/10/2022 06:22

Hitting you will be a heat of the moment thing too. That’s not an excuse.

he will pretend it didn’t happen because it would be uncomfortable to talk about since he is in the wrong and anyway he didn’t do anything wrong since you did make him react that way (this is how it looks in his brain, it is totally wrong) but he knows enough he’s in the wrong to be nice to you….
and that’s what he’ll do next time and the time after including when he hits you (he might say sorry but you made me the first time he hits you) until you make him talk about it. Much better to do that now.

OperaStation · 21/10/2022 06:36

Amyireland1 · 19/10/2022 20:01

he said something to me about eating and i said erm who r u? Il eat wat i want

That’s all you said?!

His reaction is extreme and unforgivable. You need to leave.

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