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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel really hurt by this.

52 replies

Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:09

I don't know if I'm over reacting because I'm pulling back from this friendship lately.

Friend has mobility issues, sore joints and such, she's overweight and lives in a flat with no lift. She's depressed and the Dr thinks she may have something wrong in terms of her painful joints.

Anyways I came round today to help her. Spend a good 6 hours doing one room. She's a hoarder I guess. I did around a dozen trips down multiple flights of stairs with rubbish. Organised everything. Cleaned her windows. Dusted and cleaned. Hoovered.

It's was exhausting.

In her kitchen was a really cool, ornate bowl from Tkmaxx for Halloween. I said ooh I love it, she replied that she hasn't even used it and probably won't. I said "ill buy its off you! I'll give you twenty quid" (was joking and laughing knowing she paid £10 for it)
When I'm getting ready to leave she brings the bowl in and asks me if I want it. I thought it was a present for helping but she asks for £20. I say no thanks and she drops to £15

I feel really upset. I didn't want anything for helping and didn't expect anything at all, but to help and then her try to sell me something on way out?! At an inflated price?

It's not a money thing, I borrow her money when needed and she wouldn't hesitate to ask if she needed it.

The kicker was half the stuff we decorated the room with once cleaned was stuff that I gave her when I changed my decor. For free of course!

Just feel like a bit of a mug.

OP posts:
Anydaynowonewouldhope · 17/10/2022 23:12

Does she have poor social skills?

she just might not have been sure what to do - you said you wanted if for £20 so maybe she thought she was doing what you wanted?

or she could be a user

hard to tell in the context tbi

Original poster
Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:17

I don't think she has?

And she knew it was a joke as she laughed too.

OP posts:
Anydaynowonewouldhope · 17/10/2022 23:19

Well then she’s taking the piss

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2022 23:24

So the cheeky fucker tried to make a profit off you after all you’d done for her?!! Wow, she does not deserve a friend like you.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 17/10/2022 23:31

You do far too much for that woman. She's not a friend, she's a user.

OppsUpsSide · 17/10/2022 23:31

I didn't want anything for helping and didn't expect anything at all

and yet…

Maybe you have the poor social skills? You offered to buy it for £20, she offered you it for £20, and yet, you are offended because having helped her out and expecting nothing in return you didn’t expect to pay the £20 you offered for an item that belongs to her?

🤯

Original poster
Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:33

I didn't offer to buy it. It was a joke, I could go to tkmaxx and get one for a tenner. In the room, in the contact, it was clearly a joke that we both laughed at.

And of course I didn't expect anything. Why would I? Friends help each other out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:35

If she would have said 'here, take this, it's a gift for helping me' I wouldn't have accepted. Because that's not why I did it.

Who in their right mind would think 'I'll arrange to go do 6 hours of labourous cleaning on the off chance I may be gifted something random from their kitchen' 😂

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 17/10/2022 23:36

You lend her money a lot?

she probably thought you were not joking.

btw I once helped a friend clear out her hoarded stuff because her landlord served notice and she had to move somewhere smaller.

I will not be helping someone in that way again. Some people won't help themselves. I think I just enabled her. It's too long a story for now. But I don't blame you for distancing yourself.

Floomobal · 17/10/2022 23:38

Why would you go and do all of that for her? She’s clearly not really a friend.

Original poster
Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:39

Maybe she didn't.

But even so, why would she try to increase the cost?

I would never in a million years do that to her.

And that's the crux of the problem.

Even if it was a misunderstanding, if she just helped me like that there's no way I would ever try to make a quick tenner off her in the same breath.

I just don't feel like she's a good friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:39

Floomobal · 17/10/2022 23:38

Why would you go and do all of that for her? She’s clearly not really a friend.

Because she literally has noone else. Not a single person in her life.

OP posts:
Smallonesaremorejuicy · 17/10/2022 23:45

You are a good friend, but don’t be taken for a mug .

GGGD · 17/10/2022 23:46

She exploits your time, effort and financial status. I hope she’s paid back the money she’s borrowed from you. Stop allowing her to wipe her feet on you. See her for what she is - a disrespectful user. That’s why she has no one else in her life.

ZooTropia · 17/10/2022 23:49

Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:09

I don't know if I'm over reacting because I'm pulling back from this friendship lately.

Friend has mobility issues, sore joints and such, she's overweight and lives in a flat with no lift. She's depressed and the Dr thinks she may have something wrong in terms of her painful joints.

Anyways I came round today to help her. Spend a good 6 hours doing one room. She's a hoarder I guess. I did around a dozen trips down multiple flights of stairs with rubbish. Organised everything. Cleaned her windows. Dusted and cleaned. Hoovered.

It's was exhausting.

In her kitchen was a really cool, ornate bowl from Tkmaxx for Halloween. I said ooh I love it, she replied that she hasn't even used it and probably won't. I said "ill buy its off you! I'll give you twenty quid" (was joking and laughing knowing she paid £10 for it)
When I'm getting ready to leave she brings the bowl in and asks me if I want it. I thought it was a present for helping but she asks for £20. I say no thanks and she drops to £15

I feel really upset. I didn't want anything for helping and didn't expect anything at all, but to help and then her try to sell me something on way out?! At an inflated price?

It's not a money thing, I borrow her money when needed and she wouldn't hesitate to ask if she needed it.

The kicker was half the stuff we decorated the room with once cleaned was stuff that I gave her when I changed my decor. For free of course!

Just feel like a bit of a mug.

Why do you borrow money off her??

EmmaH2022 · 17/10/2022 23:57

Zoo I think the friend borrows money from OP.

Welshgal78 · 17/10/2022 23:59

Yes it's just poor English, she means she lends money to her friend but instead she wrote "I borrow her money"

Azandme · 18/10/2022 00:01

Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:39

Because she literally has noone else. Not a single person in her life.

Show quote history

I wonder why...

ThatsTheWayIHikeIt · 18/10/2022 00:10

What do you get out of this friendship OP? Does she enhance your life in any way?

I have a friend whose husband is very tight with money. I've lost count of the favours I've done her, lifts I've given her and her children etc. When one of my fence panels was damaged in a storm I asked her husband if he would pick up the new fence panel for me as he has a van. It was about a mile down the road. He delivered it and I said "Thanks, do you want any petrol money?" assuming he'd say don't be ridiculous, but he asked for a fiver! Massive step back taken. Bloody cheek.

Weatherwax13 · 18/10/2022 00:13

You must feel completely used. She should be ashamed of herself.
Step back and it'll force her to start working her own life out. Atm she has no reason to as she knows you'll come running.

Aprilx · 18/10/2022 00:14

Bonniewann · 17/10/2022 23:33

I didn't offer to buy it. It was a joke, I could go to tkmaxx and get one for a tenner. In the room, in the contact, it was clearly a joke that we both laughed at.

And of course I didn't expect anything. Why would I? Friends help each other out.

Strange joke. It’s not funny and a weird thing to joke about. I think she thought you meant it, that is all.

Randomword6 · 18/10/2022 00:18

Welshgal78 · 17/10/2022 23:59

Yes it's just poor English, she means she lends money to her friend but instead she wrote "I borrow her money"

Snobby much? Using borrow and lend interchangeably are common in some parts of the UK, so it is good English.

Original poster
Bonniewann · 18/10/2022 00:23

Aprilx · 18/10/2022 00:14

Strange joke. It’s not funny and a weird thing to joke about. I think she thought you meant it, that is all.

Show quote history

The joke was the fact that I knew it was a tenner and I always pay over the odds for that stuff. I don't drive and buy alot of Halloween tkmaxx stuff on FB pages and end up paying double with fees, postage etc..

So she said it was a tenner so I said 'I'll give you 20' referring to our earlier convo about me over spending on tkmaxx Halloween items.

OP posts:
MyStarBoy · 18/10/2022 00:37

I think you’ve got every right to feel insulted.

The very least she could have done as a small gesture was to give it to you for all of your very hard work and effort.

Personally I can’t stand mean/tight people and I know I would end up dropping her.

Welshgal78 · 18/10/2022 00:37

Randomword6 · 18/10/2022 00:18

Snobby much? Using borrow and lend interchangeably are common in some parts of the UK, so it is good English.

Show quote history

Not snobby at all. Just because something is common doesn't make it correct. Someone was confused as to why the op was borrowing money from her friend because the wrong word was used. No matter how many people use a word incorrectly, it won't make it right. You cannot borrow someone a book or some money, you can only lend someone a book or money. The same applies the opposite way, you can't lend someone money but mean you are taking money from them. Borrow and lend are not interchangeable.

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