Contact at my house

[SpinningFloppa]

Does anyone allow their ex to come to their house for contact? Most people seem to be against it but what if it was the only way for them to have contact then is it really that bad? Surely the children getting to see their father is better? Does anyone allow this and if so do you stay out of the way in another room etc or go out?

Some abusive men can use contact with the children in order to punish the woman.

Can he not use a contact centre?. He can and likely should make more effort here.

Don't do it. It's not your responsibility.

No concerns about abuse so contact centre wouldn’t be appropriate. More wondering if anyone is in this situation and how you find it and how to make it work

I did for a year till he tried his chances with me and then we went another route. I thought for the best he see them here so I could supervise but it did not work.

I did for a while during covid. Never again.

It's not a good plan.

Thanks for the comments but it’s either that or he doesn’t see them at all so just trying to find the best way to make it work and hoping to hear from some that have made it work.

Kids easily pick up on tension. We did it for a while but it was not good for our daughter. I'd rather she didn't see him than spend time each week in an environment with two adults who hold so much resentment towards each other.

It's not great if he cannot provide a place to maintain contact with his kids.

If you were faced with this, I am sure you would move heaven and earth to provide a place to spend time with your kids, not expect your ex to provide that place.

The outcome that he won't see his children at all if this doesn't happen is controlling and manipulative and designed to make your responsible for his decision making and finding solutions for him in 'the best interest of the children.'

Why can't he have the children at his home?

HMO I don’t want the kids there either to be honest

Contact centres can facilitate contact regardless of there being no abuse. You can pay and have a private arrangement. I don't think it's a lot.
Also there are other places that facilitate contact, eg family assessment centres also take private clients. But I think this is an expensive route.
Also child minder may help out?
Is it that he handy see the child/s for quite some time?
There are options, pm me if you want to.

I would avoid it if you can, or encourage him to take them out if that's possible. my ex comes over to see our daughter sometimes as I prefer it over her going back to our old home, as he has kids from his previous marriage, who don't accept her, and she's always upset when she comes back. So I prefer it if they have an activity, collect from preschool then usually back to mine.. but when he's here, he goes back into his mode of not making an effort and just watching tv! I now try to plan things so I'm not around him, or make myself busy in another room ... It's fine for now, you just have to not get too emotionally drawn in and accept it for what it is, but it depends on the situation with your ex. also if you were to date later etc it won't be ideal.

Can’t he take the kids some where? More expensive in winter but the park and library are free. Are there any free museums in your area?

I've a family member that allows this. Works fine for them as they get on well.
He looks after them overnight at hers,while she stays at her boyfriends.

Questions you need to ask yourself.

Will he respect its your home.
Will he be respectful to you.
How long will the visits last.
Is he a good Dad.

Following this with interest. Ins. Similar position, my ex has moved out the family home to stay with his mum (5 mins away) He collects our son from school for a few hours at family home until I am in from work. I feel this is best for our son as he can go out to play etc with this friends who are nearby. However, due to his unreasonable behaviour towards me, controlling, withholding money/car I no longer wins for this to be the case and that he should take him to his mums. Our son deserves a happy healthy mum, and I am not comfortable with him being in the house when I get in as his behaviour makes me anxious. What's your honest thoughts? Am I being unfair to our son?

I would let him take him to his mums, unfortunately my ex has no family but I would definitely prefer that if he did

That sounds good sounds like it works for them

No he won’t take them out to places we tried that and it didn’t work.

Why won't he see them unless it's at your place?

If he's a decent bloke and you trust him not to go rummaging in your underwear drawer or stealing your telly, then you could go out while he has time with the kids? I'd certainly absent yourself in some way.

Wondering what circumstances there are that means yours is the only option. Do you mean Dad only shows if it is at yours?

Nothing unusual at all. My ex used to spend Christmas/ BH's with us for a few years post divorce. He also had use of our home every other weekend to spend quality time with our children. Surely adults can put any differences aside for the benefit of the children?

Mine now adults with children of their own, often express how important it was to them as children that we all got on well.

Thank you, I don’t personally know anyone that does but I also don’t think it’s a terrible as people say.

he can’t have them at his it’s a hmo and I don’t want my children there either.

We do it absolutely fine. But, we get on well. Probably better now than when we were married. So, he comes to mine, and I go out to work. No problems.
It's just easier for our girls to get to school from my house, so it just makes sense.

How is this the only option? Why didn’t days out work? My dad moved pretty far away when he and my mum split, so going to his mostly wasn’t an option. Instead he’d take us to the cinema and then for tea, or swimming, to parks etc. Why can’t your ex do that?

Because he couldn’t be bothered