How do reconcile the fact you may never have sex again?

[stillvicarinatutu]

I had a terrible sex
Life from 19 - 42 . Then a good one for 5 years. Then a really really good one for a few months .

Now single and 50 . Can't foresee any scenario where I'd be in a relationship again.

How do you reconcile this ? Having had Pandora's box opened and realising good sex was possible- how do you just pack that away again ? It was one of the reasons my very long marriage broke and now I'm kind of wondering if it was worth it for a few years of decent sex compared to 30 years of companionship and solidarity.

I can't undo what's gone - but the thought of being now completely celibate and not in a relationship for the rest of my life feels - pointless?

Anyone relate ?

You are 50, not a 100.
What is really stoping you???
If you want to have sec but not be in a relationship - why not find a FWB? Tinder, or other apps surely can be helpful for that.
And if you actually want to try to have a relationship - there are plenty of men in their 50+ on dating apps.

It sounds like your last relationship ending really affected you. But you don’t need to be/act/feel old before you actually are.

Have you tried dating apps ?

If you have I applaud your optimism.

If you haven't I suggest you try .

Most men on dating apps want a shag .

Most are married , or undatable because they're bigots , sexist, have inflated egos , or are just dicks . Have you actually tried this ?

Have you clicked on bumble or tinder and looked at the men on there ? I've been stood up , catfished , one guy even left me a lovely review on the date venue giving me a one star calling me a slut because I wouldn't go on a second date .

Try it then come back and tell me there's lots of lovely men out there on dating apps .

I'm an attractive, fit , career woman . They either want a shag piece or are so up their own arses .....

I've been on dating apps for 3 long long years .

I dont just want a fuck buddy .

Just for perspective- last guy I matched with on bumble said women are "a waste of skin " and the. Told me he was t "vanilla " . I blocked and unmatched. He was 57 . Clearly thought he was something. Wasn't bad looking. Was ugly from the first sentence.

OP I have had a similar trajectory with sex.

The way I look at it is that I'm one of the lucky ones who knows what it is to have mind-altering sex. I will not have bad sex again. Ever. It's definitely possible to get a guy who wants to get his d*ck out, but that's not what I want. And I will not compromise. If that means no sex forever, so be it.

And knowing that I will not be subjecting my body to bad sex (actually when you know what really good sex is, the "bad sex" seems like it shouldn't even be called sex) feels ok, mostly. Which is not what bad sex feels like.

Doesn't mean that it's how I want life to be, but I try not to play it out long term in my mind and if I do then I come back to the above.

I definitely hope there's amazing sex out there waiting for me though!

I do accept/understand dating apps are depressing, but I don't accept that means you've no prospect of a relationship in future! I think there is a possibility and you might have a better prospect by searching in real life rather than online?

So you only want sex in a full relationship? Your comment "they only want a shag piece" made me wonder why that wasn't okay? They want a shag piece, you want a shag piece, that's the bit you have in common. You can have great hobby sex with someone you wouldn't want to introduce to your friends or spend the weekend (out of bed) with. However if you only want sex that comes with the full package then I think you just never know what's around the corner. You're young, you're in a rough dating patch but this can change. You have decades left to meet another fantastic lover. For now I'd embrace self love more fully, light yourself some candles, go try some of the amazing new toys that are around these days and date yourself. You don't need two to tango!

Can't foresee any scenario where I'd be in a relationship again.

My 96 yr old widowed grandmother had a boyfriend before he passed away.

So I'm not entirely sure why you think, at 50 you will never ever ever have a boyfriend/partner again.

Sure, dating apps are shit, but there is the rare person on there and there are other ways of meeting people than dating apps.

My aunt met a guy seeing live bands in a country hotel.

My older friend met a guy in her 50s through his niece when she tried ceili dancing and the niece enquired if she was single and set her up on a date.

Are you usually this extreme and "wah it's all over!!!!" about things.

Just for perspective- last guy I matched with on bumble said women are "a waste of skin " and the. Told me he was t "vanilla

There are weirdos and paychos in the world.... Surprise.

What you should be grateful for is that he's so dumb as well that he put all that out on the table from scratch .... Whereas he could've actually hidden it til he'd got sex, wasted your time, engaged your feelings etc.

That's a case of dodging a bullet when the gun owner is kind enough to show you the gun and tell your they're fucking crazy.

They just all seem to be oddballs or players .

I are t really one for casual sex so yes I meant sec as part of a relationship.

Everyone else in my world has moved on and has a significant other. I just don't seem to be able to do it .
I am currently wfh so I don't see anyone anymore in real life .

No disposable income until next March so even tho ha like going for a drink with friends is difficult.

I'm really good mates with neighbour who is also single - she jokes I'm like her wife as I cook for us most days and we always get together Fridays for a girlie night at hers .

On line dating for me has been an unmitigated disaster. Had two short term relationships from it but both had issues beyond me . The guy I really connected with had autism and suddenly decided overnight he didn't love me . Like a switch went and that was that ! So I'm really really wary now . And most men of my age online have some kind of issue or backstory that has an undercurrent of not really liking women much .

And most men of my age online have some kind of issue or backstory that has an undercurrent of not really liking women much .

I don’t want to seem rude, but this is exactly how you posts come across with your issues with men.
I’m 52 and my last 2 relationships with women have been pretty awful, but that’s not to say the next one won’t be fantastic and maybe I will meet her tomorrow

Really mate ? I was married 25 years and we were actually fine and still mates - you know when a guy opens a conversation with women are a waste of skin and I'm non vanilla?? Fuck off . Which is most online . Makes me laugh - One guy used photos that must have been 15 years old. Pathetic. And now yeah - cannot be arsed . My photos are current, I'm honest on my profile and actually if I didn't gel with someone I would leave a fucking 1* review of the cafe calling them a slag .

That's been my lived experience.

Understandably, you sound a bit bitter.

Sorry.

There is still hope though. I'm not actually sure it's the thought of no more sex you're concerned about, it's a partner and being in love that you're worried about never having again.

That sounds soul destroying, OP.
If you're short of cash, try some free Meet Up events, join a walking group, borrow a dog...
A friend had some success when she joined a group to clean beaches of litter!
These activities will also get you outside in fresh air.

Yes . Probably.

I have 2 dogs .

Oh vicar. I don't "know" you but I know you here and you seem like a decent spud.

I'm older than you and I met my current man at work. I had been single for 15 years with only casual shags since my divorce.

I tried online dating. For about 2 weeks. I'm too weird and picky to be arsed with it.

You know - I get loads of matches .
From 21 years olds sending their wanking videos (oh what a turn on) to toothless bald old men trying their luck .

If I sound jaded is because for 3 years online I've had countless dates . I get dates . That's not the issue . I've now stopped actively dating. Because it's futile . I do t connect with many people

Currently chatting to a 47 year old fireman.
Seems nice .

But I've stopped doing the running.

Had. 38 year old musician last week chatting away until
He made it quite clear he was pining for a lost love and just wanted a shag .

I think it’s interesting that you say you don’t want casual sex, you want a relationship - but the OP only references sex. Not love, romance or companionship, just sex.

Possibly you actually do want casual sex, if you’re honest with yourself? If so, there’s nothing wrong with that! Enjoy yourself.

I'm actually still fairly alright for an old bird

No I don't just want sex I've never been much good at the self esteem thing after . I guess what I want is a connection with sexual attraction that's great .

Not sure we needed a picture! 🧐, hoping to pull on here?!

Pull what !? I just think people picture me as a vicar 😂.

No definitely not wanting to pull on here . I blotted the worst bit out (face!)

I don't want to pull .i want to meet someone,

Just from past experience here people associate my name with dawn French 😂. Vicar and all that .