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Original poster

Tight husband abuses joint account

37 replies

Thewifefury · 17/10/2022 00:06

I've just been reviewing expenditure on my joint account which my DH and I use for bills and food shopping and I am horrified at how my husband appears to be using it for himself...over and over again. If we go on a night out I'll be buying drink rounds for us both from my personal account and on the very same night out he has been using joint account for his rounds. He has form for this. Once when we were away on holiday we ran out of the currency so we both went to a cash point and agreed to take £200 out each - later I found out his share had come out of joint account. I've recently been getting overdrawn notices (which is why ive forensically reviewed the account) he keeps saying its down to the electricity bill increases, which is having an impact - but frankly a drop in the ocean to his withdrawls! In July he made £1000+of additional spends including cash withdrawals of £200 at a time and his £350 dental bill! I am furious. He earns more than me and contributes proportionally more to the account, but we have agree what it can be used for and he is blatantly not sticking to the rules. How do I deal with this nonsense without having a massive barney?

OP posts:
Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 17/10/2022 00:19

Presumably he has another account, if the cards look similar could you suggest that he’s ‘accidentally’ using the wrong card as they look so similar and it’s causing an overdraft issue so to stick a bit of bright coloured tape on them so he can tell them apart?

TheSmallAssassin · 17/10/2022 00:24

Just sit down with him and go through the statement and point out where it doesn't meet your agreement?

GreenManalishi · 17/10/2022 00:30

There will only be a massive Barney if he denies it or tries to justify it, which makes him something other than tight.

Present him calmly with the statements and all the additional withdrawals. Go through a few more so you can show it's not a one off. Add up the total over the last 12 months say.

Tell him you're no longer prepared to share a joint account, you've cancelled your direct debit to it. Tell him that you're curious to find out what solutions he can come up with going forward that don't involve you being taken for a massive mug.

toomuchlaundry · 17/10/2022 00:44

What sort of things are you expecting to pay on personal accounts. If you were both on a night out I would have thought that would be a joint account expense and dental treatment too, if it was general dental treatment

BlackberryCat · 17/10/2022 01:01

The only way to deal with it is to show him the statements and discuss it. My Ex and I had a joint account for bills and rent. I would be very upset if I found out he’d used it for drinks and stuff.

It sounds like your DH is being very selfish and living above his means while expecting you to stick to budget. That really isn’t fair of him.

Bre10 · 17/10/2022 01:08

If I was you, I calculate ghe exact amount he took out, and take it for myself. Discuss it with him, and I'm sure that he will take it more seriously if it was the other foot

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2022 01:23

He knows exactly what he's doing. You can't trust him.

Paq · 17/10/2022 02:12

Cancel your contribution to the joint account until you are even again!

MastieMum · 17/10/2022 11:48

This happened to me, but I didn't realise until we split up and suddenly found that the money in the bills account suddenly went lots further... I also agree that he likely knows exactly what he's doing. It won't change unless you challenge the status quo.

Pinkbonbon · 17/10/2022 12:29

Don't put any more money in that account.

I'd also ask him to return to the joint account everything he took that he was not meant to.

If he can't do that or if he continues this behavior, fuck arguing with him, just divorce him. Because you can't trust him and without trust the marriage is over.

billy1966 · 17/10/2022 13:07

Pinkbonbon · 17/10/2022 12:29

Don't put any more money in that account.

I'd also ask him to return to the joint account everything he took that he was not meant to.

If he can't do that or if he continues this behavior, fuck arguing with him, just divorce him. Because you can't trust him and without trust the marriage is over.

Agree.

This is very deliberately dishonest.

If he doesn't repay that money immediately I would take it that he is deliberately trying to screw you financially and I would actively protect yourself.

You know he is tight, he is now trying to financially abuse you.

Wake up to the truth quickly and protect yourself.

Oh if you are afraid of a barney then he sounds abusive.

Perhaps Women's aid should be who you call for support.

Luckynumbereight · 17/10/2022 14:02

I’d be more than willing to have a massive barney over this, and so should you.

theemmadilemma · 17/10/2022 14:13

We agree anything coming out of the joint account that isn't a bill or food shop.

I'd be massively pissed off.

heartbroken22 · 17/10/2022 14:16

You're being taken for a mug. Sort it out before it gets worse. Don't put a lot of money in the joint account and use what you need from it like he does. See how he feels. Needs a taste of his own medicjne.

Sparkletastic · 17/10/2022 14:27

Suggest he pays his full salary into the joint account since he prefers to use it for everything. That will stop his nonsense one way or another.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/10/2022 15:07

What is he spending his 'other' money on - gambling, prostitutes? I would be putting nothing in the joint account from now on.

HappyHamsters · 17/10/2022 15:12

Take your name off the joint account, let him pay for the food and bills then give him a cheque for exactly half the amounts. Or you both pay the same amount into the joint bank account, anything extra of his comes out his own account. His excuse will be he puts more in.

beachcitygirl · 17/10/2022 15:19

One of two ways to deal.

Sit him down & explain - if he acts up then
👇🏻

Call him a tight bastard & ask what the hell he'S playing at? And ask him to replace the funds.

Or not mention it to him at all.

calculate the exact amount he has taken out of the joint account for Personal use &take that out yourself & put it in personal accountS

If/when he brings it up. I would be all offended and "I've only taken the same as you" then it's him causing a Barney & not you.

Then end joint accounts or have a joint account for mutual bills with NO cashline card.

Piss taking asshole

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:20

I'd want to know exactly what he needs that much cash for.

WizardOfUK · 17/10/2022 15:27

If it results in a massive Barney, then so be it. I'd be willing to fall out over this.

I'd sit him down and go through it all, I'd then ask him when he's going to put the £1000 back in that he spent last month

WizardOfUK · 17/10/2022 15:29

You can play it two ways

Firstly raise it as you have your op, that you're accusing him of abusing the joint account

Or secondly that he's not realised and used the card by mistake

Either way he needs to replace the money spent and stop doing it.

You will learn a lot about him by his reaction to this

Shoxfordian · 17/10/2022 15:30

I think you actually need to have a massive Barney about it: he’s basically been abusing your trust

Pansypotter123 · 17/10/2022 15:42

Is he tight generally - I mean not just regarding this joint account?

Wombat27A · 17/10/2022 15:47

I'd have a massive row too.

I have a great DH, doesn't mean we can't have a decent row every so often.

DahliaDreamer · 17/10/2022 15:54

Stop putting money into the account