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Original poster

Online dating- a new low

51 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 16/10/2022 19:43

Went on a date this morning with a guy I'd had some messaging/ video calls and phone calls with.
He seemed normal. I get there and see him walking in. He's at least a foot shorter than he said (not a deal breaker for me) but also incredibly scruffy and actually dirty.
I must admit I was a coward and made up an immediate excuse to leave. Might be time to give it a break for a bit! Where are all the nice men or even men who have a shower/make an effort?

OP posts:
NotJustAnybody · 16/10/2022 22:15

You might get more traffic if you move this to Relationships and there is an ongoing thread for OLD.

What was he like on the video calls, could you tell what his over all appearance was like then? Had he just come from work? Did you leave immediately?

If this is your first date, don't let that put you off. If it's a long line of let downs then yes, you can take a break.

MNHQ
PipMumsnet · 17/10/2022 10:47

Hi OP, please let us know if you would like us to move this thread to the 'relationships" board where you might get more support and advice. You can let us know by using the report feature. MNHQ

Fuwari · 17/10/2022 14:55

I've been there. Guy I was talking to had sent me photos from 5-10 years previous (they were on his profile too). He turned up and he actually looked grimy! He looked a lot older, he'd lost loads of weight (not in a good way), unshaven with scruffy clothes. I can slob around in PJ's all day at home but if I'm leaving the house I make an effort! Especially if it's a date.

I can't say OLD has ever really worked out for me. I first did it in the early 2000's and in 20 yrs it's got progressively worse. I have had relationships in that time, so haven't always been on there but dipped in and out. I've called it a day now. I can't do it any more. I'm not sure I'll meet anyone in real life. I wfh and don't go out all that much. But I won't resort to OLD again. It's not the answer.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 17/10/2022 19:09

Not my first date, I did leave immediately.
Just flabbergasted at the total lack of self respect!

OP posts:
PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 17/10/2022 20:03

What did he look like on the video calls?

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:22

Why do you think it's cowardly to leave behind someone who has faked their profile and failed to tidy themselves up for a first date? What would the brave thing to do be?

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:37

OLD really is the pits, I've just had a guy message me from a location 3 hours drive away asking me to go and chill at his house, two messages in! Yes mate, I'm going to just jump in my car, drive 3 hours to London and have sex with you a complete stranger. I am not a free escort service!

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:39

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:37

OLD really is the pits, I've just had a guy message me from a location 3 hours drive away asking me to go and chill at his house, two messages in! Yes mate, I'm going to just jump in my car, drive 3 hours to London and have sex with you a complete stranger. I am not a free escort service!

One man being a prat doesn't mean OLD is the pits. Just forget him and move on.

Cactuslove · 17/10/2022 20:43

Ahhh OLD is so so so painfully depressing. I'm so fed up with it. I had someone message at 4am on Saturday night asking if I was available to meet. Ugh.

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:45

WatchKeys
Sadly this is not just one man!! Anyone who has done OLD will know this, this is depressingly a regular occurrence, and yes I have moved on.

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:46

Cactuslove · 17/10/2022 20:43

Ahhh OLD is so so so painfully depressing. I'm so fed up with it. I had someone message at 4am on Saturday night asking if I was available to meet. Ugh.

There have always been men like this. It's not a fault of online dating. You don't need to feel depressed about it. Just laugh at the poor fool who has to sink to such depths, and forget.

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:47

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:45

WatchKeys
Sadly this is not just one man!! Anyone who has done OLD will know this, this is depressingly a regular occurrence, and yes I have moved on.

I have done OLD. I moved on from prats and met someone lovely. Didn't find the prats depressing for anybody except themselves.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 17/10/2022 20:47

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:22

Why do you think it's cowardly to leave behind someone who has faked their profile and failed to tidy themselves up for a first date? What would the brave thing to do be?

This is a really good point. Sometimes the hardest option makes for the better outcome. It would have been more cowardly to stay and feign an interest.

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:51

WatchKeys
Good for you that you met someone lovely, not quite sure why you're so keen to defend the above mentioned prats but you carry on.

Cactuslove · 17/10/2022 20:52

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:46

There have always been men like this. It's not a fault of online dating. You don't need to feel depressed about it. Just laugh at the poor fool who has to sink to such depths, and forget.

Show quote history

It's the majority I'd say. Also met my ex OLD. He was able to hide a lot... I got in too deep and had two kids with a con artist. Now back to OLD since separating and full of men like above. Been ghosted by the first person I trusted, dated and slept with. Honestly it's utterly rubbish. And it is depressing in my opinion. Window shopping for a human being. Loads of explicit profiles. I'd much rather meet someone irl but that seems impossible these days.

stillvicarinatutu · 17/10/2022 20:58

It's absolutely shite .

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 17/10/2022 21:31

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 17/10/2022 20:03

What did he look like on the video calls?

He looked normal and clean etc but in real life not so much!

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 17/10/2022 21:32

Watchkeys · 17/10/2022 20:22

Why do you think it's cowardly to leave behind someone who has faked their profile and failed to tidy themselves up for a first date? What would the brave thing to do be?

I think I was thinking it was cowardly to make up an excuse

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 18/10/2022 07:50

You don't need to be perfect and respectful to people who lie to you. You don't owe him anything. You simply made it easier for yourself, and quite possibly for him.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/10/2022 09:34

Jesus

when you say dirty can you elaborate

I don’t think it’s OLD per se
but you need to really update your screening process maybe ?

IndiGlowie · 18/10/2022 10:08

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:37

OLD really is the pits, I've just had a guy message me from a location 3 hours drive away asking me to go and chill at his house, two messages in! Yes mate, I'm going to just jump in my car, drive 3 hours to London and have sex with you a complete stranger. I am not a free escort service!

I would have told him this .

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 10:34

you need to really update your screening process maybe ?

dunno what else I could do really- already do messaging, video calls etc before meeting IRL

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 10:35

by dirty I mean literally dirty- unwashed hair- very dirty fingernails
coat with lots of marks on- generally unkempt and awful

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 18/10/2022 10:39

NotJustAnybody · 16/10/2022 22:15

You might get more traffic if you move this to Relationships and there is an ongoing thread for OLD.

What was he like on the video calls, could you tell what his over all appearance was like then? Had he just come from work? Did you leave immediately?

If this is your first date, don't let that put you off. If it's a long line of let downs then yes, you can take a break.

@NotJustAnybody "If this is your first date, don't let that put you off."

I presume you mean not put off dating in general as it would definitely put me off the charmer who rocked up for the date!

Watchkeys · 18/10/2022 11:45

crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 10:34

you need to really update your screening process maybe ?

dunno what else I could do really- already do messaging, video calls etc before meeting IRL

Meeting someone for the first time (and every time) is part of your screening process. You can't screen somebody reliably from their online advert of themselves. People lie and embellish, as you know! Walking away when you did is great. Healthy boundaries. It's very important to have a good strong 'Nope!'