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Original poster

Online dating- a new low

51 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 16/10/2022 19:43

Went on a date this morning with a guy I'd had some messaging/ video calls and phone calls with.
He seemed normal. I get there and see him walking in. He's at least a foot shorter than he said (not a deal breaker for me) but also incredibly scruffy and actually dirty.
I must admit I was a coward and made up an immediate excuse to leave. Might be time to give it a break for a bit! Where are all the nice men or even men who have a shower/make an effort?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 18/10/2022 11:46

Mermaidwaves · 17/10/2022 20:51

WatchKeys
Good for you that you met someone lovely, not quite sure why you're so keen to defend the above mentioned prats but you carry on.

If you think that deeming someone a prat and walking away from them is defending them, there's little point arguing with you.

Watchkeys · 18/10/2022 11:51

Cactuslove · 17/10/2022 20:52

It's the majority I'd say. Also met my ex OLD. He was able to hide a lot... I got in too deep and had two kids with a con artist. Now back to OLD since separating and full of men like above. Been ghosted by the first person I trusted, dated and slept with. Honestly it's utterly rubbish. And it is depressing in my opinion. Window shopping for a human being. Loads of explicit profiles. I'd much rather meet someone irl but that seems impossible these days.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter if it's the majority. Most of us are only looking for one person, and the rest will be unsuitable. It doesn't matter how unsuitable they are, unless you let it bother you. If things are utterly rubbish or depressing for you, don't do them. I find rugby utterly rubbish and depressing, but I wouldn't tell other people it was, because I don't count my opinion to be universal. It's not rubbish or depressing, that's just my humble opinion.

Your personal experiences don't mean that OLD is crap. Some like it, some don't, and that's because some, like you, allow things to drag them down. Some people ignore crap more easily, and have better boundaries about what they allow to get them down.

There's always dross. How much we enjoy lives is about how we choose to deal with it. Run away from anywhere it might be, and you run away from where the diamonds are, too.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 12:01

I think I am in the still enjoying it stage
I like dating generally - and I know it is just a numbers game!

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 18/10/2022 13:52

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Watchkeys · 18/10/2022 14:07

crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 12:01

I think I am in the still enjoying it stage
I like dating generally - and I know it is just a numbers game!

Sounds good. Don't let any idiots get you down or draw you into any unnecessary nonsense. There's many a fool out there.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/10/2022 17:48

crochetmonkey74

fair enough
that’s just unlucky !!!!

dirty hair and nails 🤮

toastedcat · 18/10/2022 21:03

You did the right thing! I'd probably have felt like I had to politely stay, which I hate about myself. How did you manage to excuse yourself and how did he take it!

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 18/10/2022 21:19

toastedcat · 18/10/2022 21:03

You did the right thing! I'd probably have felt like I had to politely stay, which I hate about myself. How did you manage to excuse yourself and how did he take it!

It's cringe but I said I just got a call from a friend and had to leave

OP posts:
idrinkandiknowthings · 19/10/2022 13:02

Oh, the tales I could tell about online dating.

One guy, in the middle of sex said, "You're fine down there considering you've had a kid". Just one of many precious nuggets. God knows why I even got to the sex stage!

idrinkandiknowthings · 19/10/2022 13:03

And he also lied about his height. Why do they do that? It's not like we're not going to notice!

QueenieL1 · 19/10/2022 18:12

Why do people say it's a numbers game? Isn't it more a question of luck.

lightisnotwhite · 19/10/2022 18:20

@crochetmonkey74 I think you should tell him the truth. He lied so you don’t owe him anything.
Tell him he lied about his height, that being shorter us not a dealbreaker but insecurity and talking bollocks is. Mention that it cost time and money to go on this date and that he clearly couldn’t be bothered to present himself well which is rude.

You aren’t going to see him again but maybe he’ll take it onboard for the next date he goes on.

Watchkeys · 19/10/2022 19:58

QueenieL1 · 19/10/2022 18:12

Why do people say it's a numbers game? Isn't it more a question of luck.

Yes, but you might get your good luck after 3 dates, or 17 dates, or 54 dates. So, unless you know which number of dates you get your good luck on, it's about numbers.

Daydreamscometrue · 19/10/2022 20:39

So many awful experiences on OLD I've lost count. Most of the conversations are simply just that. Men trying to get me to talk about dresses, heels and sex. Most have no intention of meeting and are just up for a cheap thrill.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 19/10/2022 20:39

I met up with a man who had clearly lied about his height - and his age. He'd clearly done it because he thought he wouldn't get any interest if he put his real age and height. Maybe - but did he think people wouldn't notice??

QueenieL1 · 19/10/2022 21:00

But it's random isn't it? It's not about the number of dates but the luck? I mean, if it was a numbers game, wouldn't it mean the more dates you have, the more likely you are to meet the right person. Only that often doesn't happen.

Maze76 · 19/10/2022 22:20

Met my ex husband online.. if only I knew then what I know now. I just see dating sites as a bit of fun- less stressful then hoping to meet your life partner online.

ManAboutTown · 19/10/2022 22:48

@idrinkandiknowthings

"One guy, in the middle of sex said, "You're fine down there considering you've had a kid". Just one of many precious nuggets. God knows why I even got to the sex stage!"

That made me laugh out loud. Sorry.

Next time you see him naked (if ever LOL)

Point and say Oooooh - it's like a cock only smaller

Watchkeys · 20/10/2022 09:34

QueenieL1 · 19/10/2022 21:00

But it's random isn't it? It's not about the number of dates but the luck? I mean, if it was a numbers game, wouldn't it mean the more dates you have, the more likely you are to meet the right person. Only that often doesn't happen.

Luck is a numbers game. The more times you try a think the more the likelihood climbs of you succeeding. You're operating with certainties. There are none. Nothing is guaranteed, even if you have a million dates. And some people meet their dream person after 1 date.

It is random, but you're less likely to meet your dream person online dating if you don't online date at all.

eggsandbaconeveryday · 20/10/2022 11:07

OLD has become more and more grim over the last few years. I now never meet someone without doing a facetime call first. That way I don't waste mine or their time if we can't get on just chatting. There are a lot of guys who just think that a photo with them sticking their tongue out at the camera is going to attract women and its the same with the guys holding fish 😅. Sometimes it feels like wading through mud

youlightupmyday · 20/10/2022 11:26

17 first dates here before I met my rather bloody lovely DP. Had all sorts of disappointments, all on first dates

Top 3:

  1. Lied about job amd lifestyle. Lived in a bedsit and bragged about buying the furniture off someone who had to leave the country in a hurry, for 300 quid. Sent me a message after I said I didn't feel the chemistry saying "No, I deserve a chance. You will meet me again"
  1. Got utterly smashed and told me all about his affair and being caught in bed by her 5 year old and also forgot where the loo was, everytime he stood up. Called me a cocktease and blocked me on my way home.
  1. So handsome and professional, I sat there giving myself internal hi fives until... he suddenly confessed his kink was fucking women while a lady boy fucked him up the arse.

There were other liars and aggressive dicks, another catfish also told me that he was great in bed and how he forced his girlfriend to deep throat even though she cried at first..

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/10/2022 14:11

I'm right on the cusp of giving up I think
I have been single for extended periods before and loved it but I am hating it this time (possibly menopause) I just feel so lonely and like I am missing a relationship. Doing all the normal stuff to meet someone in real life . I reckon I am on about 8 internet dates now- they havent all been terrible - some nice guys but no click.

Maybe I need a break for a bit

OP posts:
SnackyOnassis · 20/10/2022 14:20

Which dating sites are you using? I found that where some were hit and miss, some were all miss.
I hope you can still find some fun in the dating. I found that when I shifted my focus from finding 'The One' to feeding my curiosity. By just treating it as an opportunity to meet lots of different types of people outside my normal circles, I had so much more fun and learned a lot more about myself, got some new hobbies out of it too from things people had mentioned!

CousinKrispy · 20/10/2022 14:28

Nothing wrong with taking a break. I did meet a lovely man through OLD and am happy to say he's consistently maintained his personal hygiene! So there are some decent ones out there.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/10/2022 14:52

I'm using Bumble (most successful)
Hinge (not many in my local area)
and just started Tinder- had one date off there with nice guy but no click

I have quite a lot going on in my life at mo (old bereavement has resurfaced) so maybe my headspace needs a bit of self care

OP posts: