Husband wants to call it a day after 40 years

[Pearl372]

It’s finally come to a head

More information/ back story needed OP !

He had an affair 10 years ago, that lasted 19 months.
I was blindsided

OMG that's awful what happened after all that time?

How do you feel? Sad, relieved, shocked, nervous, angry ...

fee numb.
couldn't even celebrate my 40th anniversary recently, felt like a hypocrite.
wanted it to just pass unnoticed, but family members reminded my husband.
he didn’t even know it was 40 yrs .

I’ve gradually withdrawn doing things for him, been pulling away for years.
we have been just pretending to each other that things are ok.
tonight he wanted Chinese carry out, but expected me to order it.
when I refused, he announced, Think it time we called it a day😆
He expects me to jump when he says so.
im the type of person, if you ask me to do something, and I don’t want to do it.
I dig my heels in.

Sounds like it might be the best thing for you. You get to live your life from now on without being told how high to jump

“ Yep, great idea….I will leave you to contact the solicitor and estate agent on Monday “……… good luck OP xx

Just because the relationship has lasted a long time, doesn’t mean it’s actually working.

You don’t sound happy and I think you’ll look back in 6 months time when you’re happy again and wish you had made this decision years ago.

Ducks in a row etc etc

Big changes ahead then. Good luck. It's never easy but I ended up doing so much more once my marriage ended.
Sometimes I miss how comfortable life was, but there is no doubt it wasn't as interesting as now.
I guess it's hard either way, and you choose your 'hard'?

I wish you both peace and contentment.

Do you think your marriage never recovered after his affair?

You don't sound happy. Do you think you might be happier on the other side?

He's doing you a favour. Let him get on with it. It might be easier to ignore the problem and to keep up the pretence, but is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Welcome to YOUR life. It's a new one, but it's yours. Enjoy it.

If you took time out of the workplace to look after children and he has greater savings, investments, or a much better pension than you because of it, don't forget that when dividing up your assets.

Time to spread your wings.

Well there’s 2 of you in the marriage and he clearly has had enough. You can’t get much out of a relationship that one of you has left already.
Be brave. 40 years is great but the next few years where you aren’t worrying and looking after someone who doesn’t care will be absolutely fantastic and a blessed relief,

Good luck. We only get one life, as far as we know, so go for it. Better to be on your own and content than together and unhappy. Be brave.

After 40 years.. no doubt carrying the strain of the usual life type of things, houses, kids, shipping, birthday remembering, appointment reminders, making tea and more and more and more.

Go build a life for you and your interests, even if those are interests include many short term partners . 😉

Sounds like you’d be happier without him!

Do you think you’ve just sleep walked through the last 10 years? Are you ready to go it alone?

Of the friends where I know there has been an affair only one couple are still together (over 10 years ago) but their relationship has changed. Every other couple has separated a few years down the line, usually when the woman has realised that she can’t pretend anymore.

Good for you OP. Fuck him and fuck his takeaway!

Jeez, the easy and instant vitriol towards men on this site never fails to surprise and disappoint me. Why does he deserve a “fuck you” given the very scant information supplied here?

if the OP had instead said “he’s been pulling away for years, we’ve been distant for some time. I actually had to be reminded it was our 40 year anniversary. We were going to have Chinese tonight but when I asked him to order it he just dug his heels in and told me no, for no reason. That was when I just said we should go our separate ways” then you’d be praising her for LTB!

Take a look at yourself and your responses as you weigh into other people’s very real, very raw relationships. It’s not always LTB.

OP, wishing you every happiness in the future as you move on from a very significant part of your life. Best of luck.

Where do you live OP that you say “carry out” rather than take away? (Totally missing the point of the thread).