Page 2 | Husband wants to call it a day after 40 years

user1471082124 · 15/10/2022 19:43

Summerfun54321 · 15/10/2022 19:40

Where do you live OP that you say “carry out” rather than take away? (Totally missing the point of the thread).

This is a Scottish turn of phrase

AnonWeeMouse · 15/10/2022 20:08

MelroseGrainger · 15/10/2022 19:27

Jeez, the easy and instant vitriol towards men on this site never fails to surprise and disappoint me. Why does he deserve a “fuck you” given the very scant information supplied here?

if the OP had instead said “he’s been pulling away for years, we’ve been distant for some time. I actually had to be reminded it was our 40 year anniversary. We were going to have Chinese tonight but when I asked him to order it he just dug his heels in and told me no, for no reason. That was when I just said we should go our separate ways” then you’d be praising her for LTB!

Take a look at yourself and your responses as you weigh into other people’s very real, very raw relationships. It’s not always LTB.

OP, wishing you every happiness in the future as you move on from a very significant part of your life. Best of luck.

Show quote history

For someone so keen to tell everyone to read what the OP has said, you evidently missed the part where the OPs husband had 19 month affair. Every day, for 19 months, 570 some odd days, their Husband lied to them..

So yeah..
Fuck the OPs Husband and his takeaway.

Kinneddar · 15/10/2022 20:14

This is a Scottish turn of phrase

Never heard it used here in relation to food. A carry out is drink a Chinese meal would be a takeaway.

tableanadchairs · 15/10/2022 20:16

I am Scottish and we call it a carry out !!!

PinkSox · 15/10/2022 20:24

How do you feel about it OP? If my grumpy dh of 36 years announced he was leaving I’d be over the moon! Other than him packing up and heading out the door I can’t see any other way out of this boring, destructive marriage.

I appreciate you may feel differently. Would it help you to talk about it?

silverclock222 · 15/10/2022 20:30

Carry out is for alcohol, food is as per the food eg chippe, chinese

Jumpking · 15/10/2022 20:30

Oh @Pearl372 Such a rush of emotions going through your head no doubt.

When my 20 yr marriage ended after I discovered 4 years prior he'd been cheating for 6 years, I saw it coming a mile off. It's so hard to fix after that sort of betrayal, isn't it?

Limping through another 10 years must have really taken it out of you.

But it really is time for you to find you again. It's so hard to start with, but time is really your friend. I now absolutely love life without my ex. One day I'm certain that you will too. Sending you love and strength.

Greyarea12 · 15/10/2022 20:44

Pearl372 · 15/10/2022 18:21

I’ve gradually withdrawn doing things for him, been pulling away for years.
we have been just pretending to each other that things are ok.
tonight he wanted Chinese carry out, but expected me to order it.
when I refused, he announced, Think it time we called it a day😆
He expects me to jump when he says so.
im the type of person, if you ask me to do something, and I don’t want to do it.
I dig my heels in.

So he's going to hold the threat over you as a form of manipulation.

Your response - yeah your right, why haven't you left already.

Why don't you be the one to end it for good and tell him you won't be bullied and manipulated into bowing down to him in the hope it will make him stay.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 15/10/2022 21:01

Go and make a new life for you, OP

Your story is great warning for anyone considering staying with a cheating partner.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2022 21:04

Fucking hell, op, you're not dead yet. Stop wasting your life in this shit marriage. A very close family friend divorced her husband after 43 years and she says it's the best thing she ever did. She never knew she could be so happy and relaxed.

ICanHideButICantRun · 15/10/2022 21:17

You've stayed together far too long, OP. You sound downbeaten, but there's a whole new world out there waiting for you.

The things to consider now are: your finances, your home, your children. Can you tell us more and we can help you?

DarkShade · 15/10/2022 21:45

MelroseGrainger · 15/10/2022 19:27

Jeez, the easy and instant vitriol towards men on this site never fails to surprise and disappoint me. Why does he deserve a “fuck you” given the very scant information supplied here?

if the OP had instead said “he’s been pulling away for years, we’ve been distant for some time. I actually had to be reminded it was our 40 year anniversary. We were going to have Chinese tonight but when I asked him to order it he just dug his heels in and told me no, for no reason. That was when I just said we should go our separate ways” then you’d be praising her for LTB!

Take a look at yourself and your responses as you weigh into other people’s very real, very raw relationships. It’s not always LTB.

OP, wishing you every happiness in the future as you move on from a very significant part of your life. Best of luck.

Show quote history

Don't really get this - it's not a to-LTB or not-to-LTB situation is it? The relationship is over. He cheated on her 10 years ago and the relationship has been dead for a while. He wants takeaway but expects her to do it. I hardly told her to do him damage did I? Merely with enthusiasm reiterated the "boo to that guy" feelings she would be entitled to feel at her cheating, demanding husband of 40 years finally leaving over a takeaway.

Original poster

Pearl372 · 15/10/2022 22:12

live in Scotland.
I’ve never recovered from the affair, he just wanted it forgotten about.
he didn’t have a clue, I’ve been suffering PTSD.
i feel he treats me as a maid and Taxi driver, for when he wants me to drive, when he’s had a drink.
Everything is an effort for him.
Has to be asked to help, for example, when his adult children were setting up their new homes.
He has to be reminded to visit his elderly widowed mother.
He has always been thoughtless.
But if anyone phones to go to the pub, he’s off like a shot.
we are both retired.

OP posts:

KhaleesiDothraki · 15/10/2022 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Previously banned poster - this has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MMmomDD · 15/10/2022 23:40

You don’t like him, you clearly resent him.
Your description of your life sounds like a total misery.

Don’t you think your life would be better without him?

Seaoftroubles · 15/10/2022 23:57

Pearl, life is too short to be stuck in a marriage where he cheated and yet still treats you like a maid and a taxi service. Don't waste any more of your precious time; get your ducks in a row, then prepare to live a new, and happier life where you have freedom and autonomy.

BCBird · 16/10/2022 07:09

Prioritise you and your needs. I doubt this is something you have done for a very long time. Best wishes

EndlessMagpies · 16/10/2022 12:50

Don't waste your retirement on this depressing state of affairs. He's never going to change now, is he? Take him up on his offer, and start enjoying life instead.

I know it is a huge step when you have spent so long with one person, but just think of the opportunities that could lie ahead for you.