This is long winded but I would really appreciate anyones thoughts, opinions experiences because I'm in a place where I don't really know what I'm thinking.
I met my bf in May after several weeks of phone chats, texts and facetime following online date site and we hit it off quickly. I think he is funny, kind, respectful, great chemistry and he makes me feels very comfortable even though I have self esteem issues. He works hard and is also a single parent to his 2 children (5&10).
He talks about seeing that we could potentially have a future together and thinks over the next year or two of moving in and blending our family together. But honestly something isn't sitting right with me. I understand that as different people we choose to parent slightly differently and that's fine but in my opinion we are worlds apart.
I pick my sons (3) lifestyle to help him to be confident, loved, happy and to include myself and his dad who are on the same page. He has a routine for bedtime, eats a variety of food (not just healthy but take out and chocolate too lol), we have friends to hang out with and I take him when he is not at nursery to activities like playgrounds, community groups, swimming etc. I am picking his school based on how I feel he would do there even if I have to drive a few miles instead of walking and although I am strict about behaviour he is very rarely told off becuase I do my best to teach him to be independent but also kind.
Bf on the other hand is completely opposite. Kids go to the closest school even though it is in a "needs improvement" category and it shows by their complete lack of education. They don't have manners, eat any good food, clean their rooms and leave the house is a disgusting mess which bf doesn't care about. The oldest is nice if a bit clueless but younger (5) is horrid tbh. He is rude and nasty and aggressive, behaviour I would not tolerate. And they stay up all night watching ipad and at the weekend just gone I clocked 10hours in one day which isn't unusual.
Hypothetically if we were childless we get along in every way and in our relationship there is no red flags, but to look at his house and kids there is so many flags I couldn't count! It makes me worry for how a deeper relationship would make my son either miserable because they lived together with separate rules and boundaries or he would start to copy this behaviour and I would go mad.
I'm not trying to say I am a perfect mother and he is not. Of course I love mine but am not blind to mine having tantrums and bad behaviour occasionally as a normal part of growing up. I just don't know how to deal with the thought of living together with all 3 kids being full time in one home or would it be the beginning of the end for us? Even though the issue would be about blending not between us.