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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you think people ever just "settle" ?

53 replies

simplepueman · 14/10/2022 13:21

They are getting older,say approaching 40-50 and just settle out of fear of being alone?
Or not meeting anyone else?

OP posts:

JamSandle · 14/10/2022 13:27

Of course.

EachandEveryone · 14/10/2022 13:29

Of course but I would say younger than that. I know loads of women that settled with someone in their mid thirties because the bloke was nice enough and not going to give them any drama. I would say you are less likely the older you are.

Meseekslookatme · 14/10/2022 13:32

Early 40s
I had settled, then left him for someone that gives me butterflies every day. 18 months later and it's still the same.
DON'T settle is the best advice

Carrotzen · 14/10/2022 13:32

Yes of course. People settle for all sorts of reasons. It's their choice

JanesBond · 14/10/2022 13:40

No. I don't think people ever settle.

butterfliedtwo · 14/10/2022 13:41

Many people who want children do, I think, and earlier than when they're 40.

SpinningFloppa · 14/10/2022 13:43

Of course they do....?

Oceans12 · 14/10/2022 13:45

I think it depends on the options available to them and how realistic they are.

That's it, really 🙂

Bearsporridge · 14/10/2022 13:46

Most people settle for something, it’s just that settling for certain attributes is frowned upon.

I gave up on my teenage dreams of a bad ass, motorcycle driving, rebel, heart throb.

Rebeljustforkicks · 14/10/2022 13:47

Yes definitely.

NoSquirrels · 14/10/2022 13:47

Everyone ‘settles’, in one way or another. Doesn’t make it a bad thing necessarily.

Eatingjumper · 14/10/2022 13:48

Lol, people settle all the time! It's not even remotely restricted to the 40 plus category. Wanting kids, wanting the family life they never had, feeling that they are not "whole" unless they have a partner, wanting the validation of being chosen, feeling safer with someone less attractive (in many senses of the word) than yourself, financial security, those with low self esteem who feel like noone would want them often jump at anyone who shows interest....I could go on. Ofc the advice is that you shouldn't, but I'd wager there are more people who settled than didn't. It's not always a bad thing though.

MaxTalk · 14/10/2022 13:59

Of course then have an affair later in life when they have the family foundations.

LoekMa · 14/10/2022 14:03

This website wouldn't exist if settling wasn't such a wide spread phenomenon

WizardOfUK · 14/10/2022 14:05

Yes, I think it can be for lots of reason, they don't want to grow old alone, companionship, financial reasons.

GetThatHelmetOn · 14/10/2022 14:07

Of course, there’s a time in life people give up, we all get there sooner or later whether that’s with a new guy we just met in OLD or the bastard we have been married to for half a century.

Original poster

simplepueman · 14/10/2022 14:08

My friend is 38 and a lesbian.
Within 7 months the first person she's dated in years,she's moved her in and got married now planning a ivf baby.
It all just seems mega rushed
Slightly worried about her tbh

OP posts:

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 14/10/2022 14:10

Loads of people settle. But I'd guess that those at 50 are less likely to settle than those panicking about their biological clock.

Creasedlinen · 14/10/2022 14:13

Yes people settle and actually I think they often turn out happiest. A really good friendship, rather than a passionate affair has far more longevity. Maybe both would be the ideal, but a love of my life situation can be claustrophobic and doesn't leave room for people to develop with age/experience IMO.

notme1969 · 14/10/2022 14:19

Everybody settles up to a point. You are never going to get 100% from one person, there always has to be something you compromise on.

I believe I settled with my first husband, I did love him at the time but ignored a lot of things that I grew to hate over time, but I was 30 and single and felt the clock ticking. We had DS1 within a year of moving in together and I think had we waited we would have split up sooner.
Husband 2 is probably the one who ticks most of my boxes, but there are still things about him that aren't what I was looking for in my 20s. The good outweighs the bad though.

MothershipG · 14/10/2022 14:21

My cousin recently admitted to me that she had settled, she wanted children and time was passing... Kids are nearly grown now and I'm not sure the relationship will survive the empty nest.

pinkolu · 14/10/2022 14:23

simplepueman · 14/10/2022 14:08

If she was going to settle would she have been single for so long?

The fact she's been on her own for so long prior to this would indicate the opposite to me. She's been waiting on something special and now found it?

momtoboys · 14/10/2022 14:24

Absolutely.

girlmom21 · 14/10/2022 14:24

simplepueman · 14/10/2022 14:08

Maybe she just feels like she's found her person.

Or they both wanted a child and know that the easiest way for two women to do it legally is by marrying and going through an IVF clinic.

Original poster

simplepueman · 14/10/2022 14:24

@pinkolu she's been happy just having one night stands,christmas she said this year she decided to settle down and the first person she's dated -she's jumped in

OP posts:

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