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[Truthorlie]

Husband had an affair, told me, we split then spent a few years back and forth. It came to light that during our “off” periods he went back to her and she had no idea about him coming back to me etc. They’ve now being together for 1 year and during that time he’s attempted to come back to me once, which I said no so he scurried back to her.

Should I tell her?

Why not?

Well you don’t have nothing to loose do you?

What would be your reason to tell her? If it's revenge then is it because you want him back or you're not over him?

I wouldn’t bother. She won’t believe you, he’ll make you out to be the crazy jealous ex. She’ll find out in time.

Where did she think he was during your on periods? Or was he actually in his own place, dick swinging between the two of you?

Not revenge no, more that I feel awful on her behalf and don’t want her to continue to be led on.
But we have a child together so it’s difficult as he would make my life hell.

He has his own house

I doubt she’d believe you but she’s probably already aware deep down anyway.
He sounds like a scummy bastard.

If she's been putting up with that on again off again bullshit for this long I doubt she'll have some empowering Fuck Right Off moment. She probably knew anyway.

I was on the fence until I read you have a child with this man. In this case absolutely do not tell her. More so for the sake of your child. The amount of anger it would create - would your child be dragged into it all? Do you co parent well together?

It's not worth it op. Plus she will find out the truth in her own time anyway. It always comes out. It really isn't worth any grief it would give you or possibly your child

Not revenge no, more that I feel awful on her behalf and don’t want her to continue to be led on.

Are you being totally honest here?

And I work for the same company as her, albeit not in the same office!

if I didn’t have a child with him i would tell her in an instant, my friends think I should tell her & I do feel awful for her but equally I wouldn’t want to rock the boat when I have to co-parent our dd with him

If you had asked me this a year ago then revenge would have been a possibility, not now though. The longer it’s gone on the more I have felt sorry for her.

If you have a DD then I wouldn't @Truthorlie as you still have to have something to do with him and it could cause strife for you.

Leave them to it. She’s clearly not that fussy.

do you have evidence? I would maybe just let them get on with it, it could bring a whole lot of drama and hassle which you could do without, and agree with the above if you have a child etc, I would maybe drop it in to him that you know and watch his squirm for a bit tho 😂

I honestly don't think she will care. Sorry :(

I wouldnt because it could make things worse for you and DD. You’ve nothing to gain by it really.

Tell her. I have been in this position. With a man who I thought was seperated/divorcing, swore blind he wasn't trying to reconcile. He was, I only found out by accident but the wife knew about me.

I wish she had told me, I'd have dropped him like a hot coal.

Did she know he was married when they had an affair? If so, I wouldn't feel sorry for her. She knew what she was getting into.

He's likely been going back ams forth all along, so she already knows where he was when he went 'missing'.

I can also imagine he'll become an even bigger that if you do.

The most important thing at this point, is an amicable co-parenting relationship.

Leave them to figure out the rest of their 'ish'.

I'm usually firmly in the 'tell her' camp but in your position I definitely wouldn't. You owe DD and yourself a quiet life far more than you owe this woman anything.

Did she know he was married with a child when she got together with him?

if she did, she’s clearly not bothered so I’d try and keep an amicable relationship with a man who can potentially turn nasty, over sending her information about his cheating. Besides she knows he cheats. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you sound like a lovely and empathic person. I would just keep quiet in your situation I think. What do you want to do?

I feel because you have a child together, he'll always try it on with you. We're all animals and some are more developed than others lol.

Just as an aside, does he own your house or hers, or joint tennants?

You are right that she hasn't done anything wrong and it's so refreshing to see another woman having empathy (not sympathy) for an affair partner.

I think the balls in your court.

If you work together, just tell your gossipy colleagues.