I don’t want sex!

[Respectfullydisagree]

I have a 1.5 year old and I am still breastfeeding which I think is the cause. I know I should probs visit the docs about this but as you can understand I don’t really want to. But since my baby has been born I do not want sex and wish it didn’t exist. I have zero desire.

Nothing to do with my partner, I’m actually getting married in less than a month. It just concerns me I feel this way and don’t want to tell him in case he takes it personally or realises I’ve forced myself numerous times over the last year…

I’m working up the courage to sort this out. But in the meantime has anyone had a similar experience? How and when did your libido return?

And also what would the doc recommended if I did go? Thanks guys!

I think lots of women feel this way while DC are young. Eventually they become toddlers and inch by inch you get a bit of yourself back as they grow.

You can't expect your libido to return without some encouragement though! Many couples find a date evening or even a night away without DC helps - if this is possible to do. Keep up little acts of love and intimacy between you and DP.

The complicating factor here is the upcoming wedding! If you didn't have DC many would urge you to reconsider. A marriage without passion can be soul destroying.

Can you get some time alone as a couple, just to reassure yourself that the spark is still there (even if you're not massively up for it)?

I think you need to have an honest chat with your partner and go from there.

I think he has a right to know what he's signing up to.

I agree with both answers above.

But to clarify I do love him and we get on great. We want another baby in the next few years. Things are good it’s just I can’t explain why there’s no desire there at the minute.

We do need to work on getting a babysitter and making time for each other, it’s been impossible lately due to our opposite work schedules… planning a wedding and buying a house at the same time. Talk about stress 😂

Breastfeeding seriously lowers your libido. Within a few months of stopping, I found I had the urge more. Also, taking zinc can improve your sex drive.

Please speak to your partner about it.

Please do not get married without speaking to your partner about this

Placemarking as I feel the same

Exactly the same situation here OP.
I am still breastfeeding a 3 year old and cannot describe it any better than you have as that I wish sex just didn't even exist, it wouldn't phase me if somebody said I could never have it again.
I have wondered if it's the fact that I'm still breastfeeding. I'm not on any contraception ( was previously on the mini pill years ago which also killed my sex drive) maybe I'm just meant to be this way!

Wish I had some advice 🙂

I am feeling as though it is something I just need to ride out til I stop breastfeeding. As I didn’t feel like this before baby happened lol. Will maybe try zinc!

I think it would be incredibly unfair to your partner to marry him without being honest about this.

You shouldn't feel obliged to have sex you don't want, but equally you can't enforce lifelong (or open-ended) celibacy on him.

In my completely non-medically qualified opinion, it's natural you feel like that.

The pill killed my libido as well. The way I see it, if you are breastfeeding, mother nature doesn't want you to get pregnant again whilst a baby is still depending on you, so no ovulation or sex drive for you. Equally, the pill prevents ovulation. No ovulation = no baby, so mother nature thinks what's the point in sex? Again, no sex drive for you.

It's not the same for everyone, but for many women libido is based around ovulation, so if you stop that then it's going to have consequences.

I know all too well how you feel OP.

My libido came back a bit when I stopped breastfeeding DS (he was 2.5 when I stopped).

When I wanted to give it a bit of a boost I would read some erotic fiction on my kindle 😬 which definitely helped!

I can't use hormonal contraception at all, as it completely kills my sex drive.

Many possible reasons fir low libido

• the pill
• breastfeeding
• bring exhausted
• thyroid issues
• hormone imbalances etc

Hard to say what your GP will say but I’d go and see them and have a chat. id also have a word with your (soon to be)DH. I mean whatever the GP ends up saying, you’ll have to talk about that with him no?

Lack of sex can be a breeding ground for resentment.

Your new husband may possibly come to feel that he wasn't given the chance to make an informed decision about getting married.

I breastfeed both children, till 3ish. Did not lose my sex drive, but due to issues in my marriage had no interest in sex with DH. When i stopped bf i found the time to realise my marriage wasn't salvageable.

Don't get married without working out whether this is a hormonal lull or a complete lack of chemistry with your partner

Look into prolactin. I think higher levels of prolactin needed to breastfeed can have a detrimental impact on your dopamine levels (which help create desire, anticipation). One of the side effects of some medicines for Parkinsons is higher libido (as it increases dopamine).

I don't know if this is all to do with breastfeeding but your body is prioritising the baby right now - not your relationship, not your sex life. It's probably pouring all of it's energy into feeding and caring for the baby.

If you aren't sleeping well, that could have a detrimental impact on testosterone and dopamine.

Absolutely agree

Good grief at some of these posters. Lack of libido for breastfeeding mothers is very common and TEMPORARY. Don’t think there’s a lot of heart feeders commenting here (apart from the ones who do breastfeed, who feel the same way, which proves the point!)
Makes it sound like you’re asexual forever for goodness sake 🙄

Which is why the OP has forced herself to have sex with her DH. Because he knows it’s temporary. She knows it will pass but one how the ‘sexual needs’ of the man has to be out first and foremost.
No wonder she doesn’t dare telling him.
No wonder she is also likely to get resentful to have to perform because other WOMEN ha en told her her DH will jut go away. Just because she dare having a child and breastfed them.

No wonder we are still deep into patriarchy!

And also what @Justanotherlittlename said.

Do you still physically fancy your DP, OP?
Love alone is rarely enough for a marriage.

I was the same when I was breastfeeding (I stopped when my LO was 21 months) - no inclination for sex at all, really had to focus on getting my head into the right place to do it as I wanted to maintain that relationship with my husband. Now I'm pregnant again and my libido has totally disappeared again - don't even want to be touched, although I felt like this last time in the first trimester so I know it won't last.

I think tell him how you feel - maybe not quite as bluntly as you've put it here, but that you expect it to be temporary (if that's what you believe)

Thank you for everyone’s reply.

And thank you justanotherlittlename. Lol I do feel some of the reply’s are a bit all or nothing! We have a great relationship that we are willing to commit to (hence marriage) through good times and bad. I do hope it will be temporary.

My reason for posting was to get hope from other women that it does pass and that my circumstances aren’t unusual (which some people have confirmed thankfully) I feel this is something people don’t really talk about with friends etc from fear of embarrassment etc. So just looking for support!

My libido was totally wiped out by breastfeeding, came back with a vengeance a month or two after stopping.