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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I don’t want sex!

39 replies

Respectfullydisagree · 11/10/2022 02:41

I have a 1.5 year old and I am still breastfeeding which I think is the cause. I know I should probs visit the docs about this but as you can understand I don’t really want to. But since my baby has been born I do not want sex and wish it didn’t exist. I have zero desire.

Nothing to do with my partner, I’m actually getting married in less than a month. It just concerns me I feel this way and don’t want to tell him in case he takes it personally or realises I’ve forced myself numerous times over the last year…

I’m working up the courage to sort this out. But in the meantime has anyone had a similar experience? How and when did your libido return?

And also what would the doc recommended if I did go? Thanks guys!

OP posts:

sageandbasil · 12/10/2022 15:14

I don't either. Ive just had to suddenly stop BF as my supply dropped thanks to the dr prescribing the wrong pill so I'm now not BF but I just can't imagine wanting or enjoying sex again. We've done jt once since she was born and she's 1 next month.

sageandbasil · 12/10/2022 15:15

Wvee also just been away for the weekend baby free and thanks to this pill f up I was on my period so no sex for us

Netflixandaps · 12/10/2022 15:15

I stopped breast feeding 23 years ago... still waiting for my sex drive to come back .....

Ririi · 15/01/2023 11:48

I am in the same position at the moment. Sex is not something I really want to do. Thank you for sharing!

It must be the breastfeeding! Before the birth I was constantly horny. During pregnancy I was like a horny teenager, couldn't keep my hands off me and was always in the mood for sex. Now I don't even think about sex and tbh I do feel quite dry down there which doesn't help.

I don't think you should have that conversation with your partner just because you are getting married. You said you have a good relationship and want more babies together, I guess the marriage is just a formality (it was like that for me, we are a family with or without the marriage certificate). We also got married post baby and didn't even have sex in our wedding day, we cuddled, it was everything I wanted.

However, I do think you should share how you feel with him because he is your partner and probably your closest person. You are going through a difficult period being a new mum with changing hormones, his support can only help you.

Montague22 · 15/01/2023 11:59

Breastfeeding had no impact on my libido at all. This was 3 times. My babies never had a bottle and fed through the night- all appalling sleepers.
I’m not saying this isn’t the case for a lot of people, but don’t assume stopping feeding will magically change things.

Crikeyalmighty · 15/01/2023 12:03

I'm going to be honest and say mine never came back after I had my son - same happened in my first marriage too after 2 children. However this isn't always the case , but be aware it does happen --

Crikeyalmighty · 15/01/2023 12:04

And I didn't breastfeed either - so indeed that may be a cause for you

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/01/2023 12:05

Smileeriley · 11/10/2022 09:52
I think you need to have an honest chat with your partner and go from there.

I think he has a right to know what he's signing up to.“

Absolutely, this.

ZekeZeke · 15/01/2023 12:14

Do not get married.
Its totally unfair on your partner.
You need to sit down and talk, tell him how you feel.
He may not be happy with a sexless marriage.

90yomakeuproom · 15/01/2023 12:17

You are not alone in this op. I felt similar until my dc was about 1 and looking back that was when I stopped bf. I didn't link it at the time but maybe it was that!

I do think you need to speak to your dp about this before you get married because what if it never comes back? Especially if you want another baby and will be feeding for at least another year.

OldFan · 15/01/2023 12:17

This is not unusual at all when you have a young child OP, even if the woman doesn't breast feed. X

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 15/01/2023 12:29

I think you are long overdue a discussion with your soon to be DH about how you're feeling. A marriage built on secrets and forcing yourself to have sex when you don't really want to isn't a good start. You're libido may well come back when you finish breastfeeding but it also may not. Be open and honest with you partner, he deserves that surely. If you both life eachother and want to stay together and build a loving family i'm sure it'll be fine, at least he can be more understanding and you won't feel guilty for keeping this from him. Good luck op.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 15/01/2023 12:29

Love eachother not life!

YRGAM · 15/01/2023 14:01

The first sentence was all you needed to post really

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