Could you ever forgive your partner for this?

[Yoyooo]

Would you be able to forgive your DH if, when pregnant,they said they wanted to kill you and threaten to take your children away from you, taking away their passports? Then shortly after professing their love and saying sorry etc.

What justification would there be for doing this? Either from how the other partner has been acting or what stress they are under?

Sorry if I am being deliberately vague I just want some unbiased answers.

No. That's insane and terrifying, particularly the subsequent love bomb.

Never in a million years. Even said in the heat of the moment would it occur to me to say something so nasty.

if you can’t deal with it now I still wouldn’t want him anywhere near me. Off he can go somewhere else to sleep for a few days.

You don't have to take any major decisions op. You are going through a lot. Please please don't hit your head it won't help will it ? My dh does it and it makes h feel worse. How is your father today op?

You clearly have a lot going on. Dh probably wants to help and support but doesn't know how to. Is it possible that your dh has blurted out things in panic or something? What he said was nasty and mean on so many levels. I assume you have told him this.
Are you looking after yourself op? You seem like you are under tremendous stress.

Nope. That would be the end.

OP being pregnant is a major risk factor for domestic abuse ramping up. You need to leave as soon as you possibly can. Has he ever been physically abusive?

There is literally no world where DH would behave this way, which includes the time when we were selling a flat, moving internationally with a 3 month old, buying a house, I had severe PND and tried to convince him we should let someone adopt DD. A normal response is to be sympathetic and supportive.

No. No excuses ever.

Are you seriously expecting anyone to say yes?

As an aside op, it makes me so sad and sorry for someone to imagine them hitting thrur head in pure stress/distress...could you find some other way of venting stress?

Gym punch bag, running with music on, bashing dough (you'll have some nice bread at the end of it as a bonus), whacking something in your garden ... Or even some calming techniques... Guided medication on YouTube etc.

He's gas lighting the fuck out of her.

Sometimes you need the perspective nof others to confirm that it's gas lighting and you're not wrong

(She's also got his small child and one in th way, her Dad's dying and she's working full time and moving house. She can't cope with it right now).

Dh probably wants to help and support but doesn't know how to. Is it possible that your dh has blurted out things in panic or something?

This is so bad it's funny.

Honestly if that's how he tried to "help" when he doesn't know how or the sort of things he says in a panic ..... He'd be best to get psychological help and to stay single.

And he didn't just blurt out he'd kill her and take her kids away from her.

He took probably several minutes finding and confiscating the kids passports.

His "it's all cool now", cuddly, and "why are you in a shit mood, I don't need this" routines, after that episode .... Is nearly as bad as what he said and did.

He wants to rug sweep and pretend it didn't happen. Or if it did, it's not that bad.

In actual fact he saw you really distressed and stressed, with many understandable reasons to be, and acted like a psycho.

Threatening your life, threatening to take your beloved kids away from you, their mother, going so far as to find their passports..... He is not really a fit partner I'd that is his behaviour when his partner is really distressed.

It was abusive in the extreme.

He can pretend he didn't do it, that it doesn't matter or that it wasn't that bad ... But he did and it was.

And I'd worry about a repeat performance at another time of intense stress.

I would never forgive it and I would be on the warpath.
Be careful abuse often starts in pregnancy and it looks like this is what is happening here.

Thank you everyone for your comments. DH still acting like nothing happened and asked me last night to forget it. He was trying to cuddle me in the night but I just pretended to be asleep. I'm at work all day so haven't seen him but the love bombing has seemed to have stopped.

Tbh I am still feeling like I have had a part to play in his behaviour, it's a very confusing situation.

Run...fast!!!😯

No. I'd never speak to them again if possible. I'll never forgive a death threat.

Run!!!

RUN

He obviously has mental health issues and insecurities- that’s not your problem
Your partner is supposed to be supportive I would move out or move him out until he gets help and shows he has changed or you move on

My mother in law stayed in a similar if that helps OP.

Eventually after nearly 50 years of every type of abuse with the help of police and social workers telling her she had to leave because she was in an incredibly dangerous situation she did leave. This stuff does not get better. It gets much, much worse. Your DP should be supporting you at this difficult vulnerable time not abusing you.

You don’t have to execute it immediately but you really need to make plans to leave him.

Of course not.

Nope. It would turn me right off of them. Regardless if they meant it or not. Some words you can't unhear, no matter how loving and sweet the person is after they are said.