To never get over him.

[Plasticworld23]

I split up from my boyfriend 3 years ago. I miss him every day and feel sad. I want nothing more than for us to be friends again. I would take that. But it won’t happen.

we broke up because it wasn’t working out but I look back now and I’ve changed so much, see things differently.

we’ll never get back together, never be friends, never talk to each other. And it just makes me so sad. Every day I carry this sadness round with me. I can’t reach out to him. Im not sure why I’m posting because I don’t think anyone can help me. It’s just something that I accept I have to live with forever. And I do accept it. But every day I walk around with a feeling of melancholy and every day I think of him.

It’s been three years. I can’t tell anyone in real life but I just wanted to say that here.

Another vote here for meeting someone new. Not online either. In real life. Doesn’t have to be in a nightclub; better not to be honest.

I expect you are missing something and associating this with your ex.. I also think it’s very easy to look back in rose tinted glasses. Especially when it’s been that long.

find someone new. I suspect will change your whole perspective. Good luck op xxxxx

Thank you! This is really helpful. I do need to overhaul my diet and more exercise. I walk a lot but it gives me too much time to ruminate and day dream. I’m going to set myself a goal to exercise for the next four weeks. Maybe if I tire myself out a lot, I won’t think so much about everything else.

I had exactly this. I was in a very unhealthy relationship and when it ended I felt sad and lost for 5 years. I thought I'd never recover or stop missing him.
I could have written your post word for word.
I don't miss him or about care about him now. The only sadness I feel about it is how I wasted so long pining for him and wishing things had been different.
I couldn't have changed it though, it just took me as long as it took to recover. So I don't have any advice, just sympathy.
People are resilient though, and even if it takes you a long time, you will be okay again.

This is really helpful. I’ll start small. I’ve been feeling demotivated and flat. The suggestions of things to do like travel and exercise are really helpful everyone - thank you.

it’s like I’ve forgotten what I can do to feel more positive. I do need to change everything around.

ive just planned to see people on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I’ll admit I’m not in the mood for it but I’ll do it.

Those sound really great steps op.

I used to find the same difficulty with walking leaving too much time to ruminate, so you're not alone with that. Exploring other options is a great idea.

All the best.

Why would you bother wasting your life, if it didn't work it obviously not meant to be.
You only have one life, x

I wish people wouldn't say 'just contact him' on threads like this.

The OP has said she won't and has good reasons for not doing so. If I broke up with someone after a difficult relationship, I wouldn't want to hear from them again three years later because they hadn't moved on. Would you? Really?

I listen to audiobooks whilst I walk, OP. My walks are very educational, I'm on a book about the history of medical science at the moment, certainly no time for getting lost in my thoughts. Might that be a trick to get your mind working on other stuff, but keeping up with your healthy walking habit? Audible is great.

Find a sport you love. I've recently found swimming and I am loving it. All summer I went paddle boarding/open water swimming and sea swimming. Now I'm in the pool 3x a week minimum and it doesn't feel like a chore.

Definitely climb a mountain. Go and do Pen Y fan this month. It's not hard and you'll either feel amazed at yourself or realise you don't want to climb a mountain.

Shore up your friends. Make new ones if ypu haven't got any. Friends make life good. My life would be shit without my friends. They make me laugh on a daily basis.

Get rid of Facebook/IG. You don't need the validation of doing things for likes or seeing the happy couple posts.

You only have this one life. Don't waste any more of it pining over him.

Don’t contact him. Meditation helped me to let go of intrusive thoughts/feelings. Maybe that’s something to try? When thoughts creep up, I’ve learned to acknowledge them but then to gently send them away, because we have a life to live. Good luck 💐

I wonder how things ended and whether you got proper closure. I think when there isn’t , issues can drag on for years because you want answers. I had a very important relationship that ended without any closure or discussion. It just hung over me for years and affected everything. I eventually made contact with them and we talked things through. I remembered why it hadn’t worked and realised I was better off without them in my life.
I would ask your ex if you can meet to talk about what happened, just so you can get closure . If you think it will reignite old feelings, that’s a danger but perhaps it’s worth the effort.

Well done!