**trigger warning - sexual abuse** feel guilty for ignoring an old friend, thoigh remembering what he did

[lilila]

I have been friends with a man for 30 years - since I was 14. He asked me if I would have a 'one off' with him, and I did as to 'not hurt his feelings' (I know!) this resulted in me giving sexual favors on a regular basis, i remrmber beung on all fours once, and felt so uncomfortable as he was making weird noisrs as looking at me from behind. I asked a few weeks/months to stop it. He then told me I couldn't go to his house anymore. At that age, I was also doing similar with others, and beat myself up for years after.

Anyway, we somehow became long lasting friends.. saw each other most weeks, purely platonic.
We had a fall out about something silly a year or so ago..he didn't think I had been in touch though a time period, however neither did he. He can ne a little hot headed and sent a couple of off hand text messages (though would then send 'normal' ones when he calmed down.
I decided to block, and he called me from a witheld number recently to make amends. I was surprised to hear from him, and am a complete people pleaser. I didn't contacr him after that, I recieved another off hand message from him, followed by a phone call a few days later.
He still wants to make amends, I said thar I needed a day to think, and I would contact him. However, I keep putting ot off and has been a while now. half expecting an off hand message, though nothing so far.
Is it bad of me not to contact him? I guess a big change in my mindset was when my DD reached 14 years. Realising she is still a child, which is what I was when I slept with this man.
Thank you for reaching the end of this, sorry ot was a bit of a ramble!

Thank you..you are all so kind:)

Update: have has an assessment for councelling today, hopefully sessions will starr in January.
Thankyou all so much for your compassion and advice..I can finally work though it :)

@lilila I hope the counselling goes well and you know where we are if you need any moral support. Stay strong 💪

Thank you, that is so kind :)

That's great to hear, @lilila , wishing you all the best.

Hello, so just to give an update with this - I have recently finished therapy sessions which were provided by a charity. I have struggled with guilt and shame for much of my life with regards to the abuse, the sessions have made me see that none of this was my fault. This has helped hugely with my feelings of self worth.
I hope this may help people in a similar situation to see that changes can happenxxx

Well done, OP

So happy for you and you should be proud xx

So glad to read this.

You poor woman.

You were just a child and he was the worst of predators.

Of course you were 100% innocent in this.

Many years ago a school friend of mine was sexually assaulted (not raped, thank goodness) by the husband of a one off babysitting job she did as a favour for another school friend.

She was very upset and shocked but didn't want to tell her parents as she knew they would be desperately upset.

She told a couple of friends in school on the monday and they supported her.

I heard about it only some months later when apparently some older brothers got wind of it and sprayed "pervert" all over his car one night!

Of course at the time I felt very sorry for her, but it came back into my head a couple of years ago when my eldest was asked to babysit by a friend.

I suddenly felt very upset for this old friend that I haven't seen in 30 years, wondering how she is and hoping life is ok.

My point is, we look at things with very very fresh eyes when we have children ourselves.

You were an innocent child, just like my friend.

Really wishing you well.

Thank you so much xxx

That's really great to hear @lilila - you can be very proud of what you've overcome. Stay strong.

*I honestly don't think he actively goes after children
*
Yes he absolutely does. There is NO WAY he didn't know you were a child and that your 'relationship' was wrong. Even him dating a legal 18 yr old is creepy. 14 year olds look like children to all adults no disguise possible. Report him to police. Tell your DH so he knows what a danger the creep is to your MH and keep your DD away from him. Warn her of him. No idea why he keeps in contact with you but it's not because you are friends. Likely he wants to keep you quiet or he after your DD.

Just realised the age of this and seen your update that you are healing and have recognised how bad he is. Great news

I hope you find the happiness you missed on for all those years.

I 100% agree with this.

He was and is a predator.

He knew well what he was doing.

They ALWAYS do.

ALWAYS.

I could not have begun to move on from this properly without the kindness, support and reality check from all the posters..I thank you from the bottom of my heart xxx