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Original poster

Is this strange? OLD related

39 replies

cheesywotsits6 · 08/10/2022 10:21

I’m not too experienced on OLD, but I matched with a guy who had very similar interests to me. He started the conversation well and said “so when are you free?” I liked this as it isn’t wasting any time.

However I wanted to see what you guys thought of some of the things he said - whether it’s an attempt at flirting or a red flag!

  • I said I had a busy few weekends coming up and he said “getting in your excuses not to see me then 😉”
  • He said “I'm just a social recluse these days. I like to go out and do things, when there are things to do, I don't go for the sake of it.”
  • “No ones perfect. Just trying to be the best I can be, hopefully make a little difference to the world and a lot of difference to those around me”

He also said he wants to take me out near my area and has a few ideas. I said I could drive and he said I’m “not allowed to drive” as “ not much fun for you otherwise... plus alcohol may help you take a liking to me. Need every advantage I can get haha”.
I asked why he was putting himself down and he said “Okay... I'm perfect, I just didn't want you figuring it out until at least the 3rd date 😉”

Do you think there are any red flags here or am I just being a bit picky? Is this just attempts at flirting??
What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Cyberworrier · 08/10/2022 10:25

The stuff about not wanting you to drive, wanting you to drink and about the third date are creepy. The first examples you gave I thought were harmless but I'd be put off by the last three.

Honeylover333 · 08/10/2022 10:25

He sounds a bit clumsy, but may be better in person. Why not meet and see how it goes? Just for coffee, daytime, in town.

Hairbear2 · 08/10/2022 10:27

I think it’s possibly his idea of flirting/funny.
id be pleased he’s not the type to go out/be in a pub for the sake of it. I’m the same.
the whole driving thing, just drive and meet him first time, much safer. Nice to think he’s looking for fun things to do in your area.

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 10:27

Cyberworrier · 08/10/2022 10:25

The stuff about not wanting you to drive, wanting you to drink and about the third date are creepy. The first examples you gave I thought were harmless but I'd be put off by the last three.

Yeah. Bin.

Motherofalittledragon · 08/10/2022 10:28

Toss that one back if I were you!

Honeylover333 · 08/10/2022 10:28

Actually — not wanting you to drive is creepy. Definitely meet in town where you’re safe. I wouldn’t get in his car till I knew him much better.

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 10:29

Tell him you don't drink. If he's hoping you'll get drunk for a fast shag, his response will be interesting.

Backtoreality22 · 08/10/2022 10:32

I think he’s trying a bit too hard to be funny and it might be coming out wrong.

I don’t like the comment about ‘getting in your excuses not to see me’ as it makes him sound oversensitive or potentially arsey about every little thing.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 10:36

Do you think there are any red flags here or am I just being a bit picky

Red flags are something you feel in response to what people do, rather than 'what people do', so if you have a list of things that you think might be red flags, they are red flags to you. Nobody can tell you different.

You are exactly the right amount of picky. You're as picky as your nature wants you to be. You need to find someone who doesn't make you feel you're being too picky, rather than change your level of pickiness. Choose your people to match your feelings, don't try to change your feelings to match other people's behaviours.

minticecreamisjustok · 08/10/2022 10:49

He also said he wants to take me out near my area and has a few ideas. I said I could drive and he said I’m “not allowed to drive” as “ not much fun for you otherwise... plus alcohol may help you take a liking to me. Need every advantage I can get haha”.
I asked why he was putting himself down and he said “Okay... I'm perfect, I just didn't want you figuring it out until at least the 3rd date 😉”

He's looking to take control and an advantage over you. Hate it when men tell women what they should do, also potentially dangerous as he is a stranger, and at worst raped and murdered or regret going too far too soon by staying over because he's hoping to encourage you to get drunk and not be able to get home without him.

A red flag as this is too intense for a first date, he should least want to meet you at your own free will and not make you feel guilty about when you are available.

larkstar · 08/10/2022 11:28

Bleugh!
The words that come to my mind are fantasist, coercive, controlling... inexperienced, immature.

If you are going to meet him you need to call him out on how these messages come across and make sure you stay in your comfort zone - saying "no" if there's something you don't like the sound of. Surely there are more down to earth people out there with obviously more experience with how you start to build an open, honest relationships with good communication on many levels - my impression is of someone with little in the way of relationship experience.

bigblueyonder · 08/10/2022 11:40

Might be worth seeing in person- stay off the booze & drive. It could be very clumsy attempts at flirting & trying to be funny-but consider the card marked.

inheritanceshiteagain · 08/10/2022 11:46

Ick territory

Threelefthands · 08/10/2022 11:46

Sounds odd OP, I'd give him a miss.

Opentooffers · 08/10/2022 12:46

There's a safety issue with his suggestions which all stear you into unsafe territory. He should be aware of this, which makes it all the more creapy.
Never get into a strangers car, that's just basic.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/10/2022 14:54

The others are ok. Being a bit of a homebody is fine; never leaving is worrying but you can't tell from this. I don't like the comments about you not drinking. I'd go for a coffee / sober lunch and make sure a friends knows who you going with and when you'll be back.

Rapunzel22 · 08/10/2022 15:06

minticecreamisjustok · 08/10/2022 10:49

He also said he wants to take me out near my area and has a few ideas. I said I could drive and he said I’m “not allowed to drive” as “ not much fun for you otherwise... plus alcohol may help you take a liking to me. Need every advantage I can get haha”.
I asked why he was putting himself down and he said “Okay... I'm perfect, I just didn't want you figuring it out until at least the 3rd date 😉”

He's looking to take control and an advantage over you. Hate it when men tell women what they should do, also potentially dangerous as he is a stranger, and at worst raped and murdered or regret going too far too soon by staying over because he's hoping to encourage you to get drunk and not be able to get home without him.

A red flag as this is too intense for a first date, he should least want to meet you at your own free will and not make you feel guilty about when you are available.

Some of you people are really overthinking this. A person can't even make a joke now.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 15:10

Some of you people are really overthinking this

Everybody is thinking at the level that's right for them, @Rapunzel22 How do you claim to know what the 'correct' level of thinking is? And if you don't, how can you claim to know what 'too much' is?

Different people assess risk in different ways. You're not the final arbiter, but it sounds like you think you are.

Anniefrenchfry · 08/10/2022 15:18

I also think over thinking, it’s just throw away flirty comments. If you fancy him and want to meet him do so and see what you think. If you don’t then don’t.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 08/10/2022 15:23

It's very hard to tell someone's tone over text messages.

If his messages have put you off, then don't meet him.

Acid test: when you think about meeting him, do you feel excited, or have you got a low key dread going on, as if you don't actually want to go but you feel you have to or you'll be "letting him down" because he's a "nice guy"?

liIi · 08/10/2022 15:25

I don't like his sense of humour. He sounds really jaded and probably fancies himself as a 'Dom'. He makes light of women's safety and concerns under the guise of 'nice guy' and humour. Definitely been doing OLD for ages as he has it all planned out. A bit rude and pushy, too.

NWQM · 08/10/2022 15:25

You are already feeling uncomfortable so I think you should move on

FleeUpFreeTime · 08/10/2022 15:58

Maybe he’s trying to break the ice but isn’t doing it so well, sounds a bit creepy with the car and alcohol message. Perhaps go for a meal in a busy area and see how you feel.

SheWoreYellow · 08/10/2022 16:03

Sounds fine to me, but if you don’t ‘get’ him, then you don’t.

I’m curious, the third bullet in particular just sound sweet to me, what’s your worry with it?

Rapunzel22 · 08/10/2022 19:35

@Watchkeys I definitely do not think I am the final arbiter and I am entitled to comment.

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