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Original poster

Is this strange? OLD related

39 replies

cheesywotsits6 · 08/10/2022 10:21

I’m not too experienced on OLD, but I matched with a guy who had very similar interests to me. He started the conversation well and said “so when are you free?” I liked this as it isn’t wasting any time.

However I wanted to see what you guys thought of some of the things he said - whether it’s an attempt at flirting or a red flag!

I said I had a busy few weekends coming up and he said “getting in your excuses not to see me then 😉”
He said “I'm just a social recluse these days. I like to go out and do things, when there are things to do, I don't go for the sake of it.”
“No ones perfect. Just trying to be the best I can be, hopefully make a little difference to the world and a lot of difference to those around me”

He also said he wants to take me out near my area and has a few ideas. I said I could drive and he said I’m “not allowed to drive” as “ not much fun for you otherwise... plus alcohol may help you take a liking to me. Need every advantage I can get haha”.
I asked why he was putting himself down and he said “Okay... I'm perfect, I just didn't want you figuring it out until at least the 3rd date 😉”

Do you think there are any red flags here or am I just being a bit picky? Is this just attempts at flirting??
What do you guys think?

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 21:21

Rapunzel22 · 08/10/2022 19:35

@Watchkeys I definitely do not think I am the final arbiter and I am entitled to comment.

Good. And me too.

You sounded like you knew that people were overthinking. Stating a fact. I was just pointing out that you didn't know that, and you weren't stating a fact.

You can't make overarching comments about other people's comments and expect nobody to comment on yours.

FurnitureDisease · 08/10/2022 21:35

I think as some others have suggested he’s possibly just a bit awkward / got the tone wrong.

That said, the “getting in your excuses not to see me” says insecure to me. Possibly a ruse. I had one like this once, and when we had a few weeks of dating and he realised he could “get me” he suddenly changed his tune and turned into the big I am.

Tread carefully with this one …

WaitingForBion · 08/10/2022 22:16

I've been around the block a few times, and this has red flags all over it. Possibly because I'm tired of men who use cutesy wink emoticons.

CherrySocks · 08/10/2022 22:51

Can you not just meet him in a town centre cafe and see how you feel about him in person.

scoobydoo1971 · 09/10/2022 00:03

I think the bottom line, reading your comment, is that you have that ick factor about him. It doesn't matter what we think on mumsnet. It is your feelings, and they are always valid. Go with those instincts. He is a man, one of many of his species and pushy already. Pushy means he will be even worse in person as this is his best attempt at courtship. On OLD, there is a very high probability that he is odd, or a psycho. This is the sort of folk of the world of OLD. Lots of people without social skills to find someone in more traditional ways.. Not everyone is an axe-murderer on there, but it is wise to apply caution as there are high levels of strange nevertheless. Not really in the marketing strategy of the OLD adverts, but if you read the accounts on this board alone it isn't great. He is already trying to push you to meet you, telling you how you will meet, what you might drink...rush to that block button, men are not an endangered species. For what it is worth, he sounds just annoying and like a wasp around your beer that you just want to swot.

asquideatingdough · 09/10/2022 01:15

At worst he sounds controlling and creepy. At best the comments come across as poor attempts at humour or flirting. Would be a turn off for me either way.

Okigen · 09/10/2022 01:29

He's a bit pushy, personally I wouldn't like someone like that. Although, from what you said it looks like you won't be able to see him in the next few weeks at all, so it may be the case he feels desperate and so tries to push the envelope a bit hard?

Regardless of what he says, don't go out near your place. Earlier this year I had a case of a gentleman not taking no for an answer, prompting me to install CCTV :(

Loocheeyar · 09/10/2022 01:31

Another one been around the block here and this is a flat out no there is something up with his personally he’s trying to be light funny but bad intentions are hiding in plain sight

Loocheeyar · 09/10/2022 01:32

*personality

Planesmistakenforstars · 09/10/2022 10:21

The “not allowed to drive” is the red flag. If you do want to see him, insist on driving yourself and meeting him there because you are more comfortable with that. If he has a mantrum or tries to negotiate this then bin and block.

dashaa · 09/10/2022 10:27

I must be really boring but if I’d have used OLD I wouldn’t have responded to a “when we meeting then text?”

Id get the feeling he sent it to every match and see who took the bait.

Sounds like an inexperienced, I’m guessing younger guy, who wants a casual fuck.

dashaa · 09/10/2022 10:28

Why is he so desperate to keep speaking to you when you can’t meet up for a few weeks? Why doesn’t he just move onto the next match? Why is he guilt tripping you so early on?

Likely because he freaks out every woman he matches with and has had zero luck (/sex)

glamourousindierockandroll · 09/10/2022 10:37

dashaa · 09/10/2022 10:27

I must be really boring but if I’d have used OLD I wouldn’t have responded to a “when we meeting then text?”

Id get the feeling he sent it to every match and see who took the bait.

Sounds like an inexperienced, I’m guessing younger guy, who wants a casual fuck.

That's not how I interpreted the OP. She said he started the conversation well AND asked to meet, not BY asking to meet. I took that to mean that they chatted for a while and then he mentioned a date.

It's hard to say. He could nice but socially awkward, or he could be a wierdo. Honestly, it isn't attractive either way but that's not to say you couldn't meet for an hour in a busy Starbucks and see if he is better in person.

Whatisthegoss · 09/10/2022 10:45

Make your own way to and from any potential date.
Do make it a short date to see how you feelnof you must meet this guy..or perhaps take charge and be in control of your willingness depending on the date meeting.
Remember you owe any potential date no reasons for your decisions and choices...some are damaged and play no games!
He sounds like a pass to me though.
As is a good impression talking such shite from the get go?.

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