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Original poster

Is this enough to accuse of taking cocaine?

54 replies

Marmitelover93 · 08/10/2022 10:15

My partner came home last night after being at his friends for a couple of hours. He told me they had Chinese food (and sent me a screen shot of the food) and some drinks.

Before we moved in together he admitted he does it every so often but we have just moved in and I have a feeling he does it more often than he says. Last week I found out he did it but kept it from Me and admitted it when I asked. however, I suspect he also did some cocaine last night . I have never taken cocaine so I can only go off what I have heard and googled are side effects.

He arrived home and was talking A LOT, he was sweating (but he was wearing a stupidly big fleece and had just walked from the train) and I noticed the dry mouth the most. I didn’t say anything at this stage but when I went to bed he said he would come in soon. I woke up a few hours later and he was sleeping on the couch. I came in to tell him to come to bed and he said he has been going to the toilet because of a bad stomach from the food. I was suspicious as I hadn’t heard him do this and am quite a light sleeper. I then asked him if he did coke and he said no he swears he didn’t. But I just don’t believe him.

i don’t want to nag him like a mother figure but I am worried mainly because he is lying if he did take it. What do you think? Did he do it? What should I do now?

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 08/10/2022 11:07

Do not have a child with this man. Don't think fatherhood will change him....it won't

There's a saying " A promise is a comfort to a fool " Don't be that fool.

LadyLolaRuben · 08/10/2022 11:36

I know a few men who take coke. They can't eat when on it because food just runs through them so need the loo a lot. They talk a lot too. Id Trust your instincts. Sorry OP x

RewildingAmbridge · 08/10/2022 11:45

Does it matter if he did last night or not? You don't trust him, why do you want to be with someone you don't trust?
It could've been coke, it also could be salty Chinese and a walk home in a warm jumper. It doesn't really matter.

Lurkingandlearning · 08/10/2022 13:09

The dry mouth could’ve been dehydration from the Chinese food (it makes me thirsty) and getting sweaty on his way home…. Maybe

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 08/10/2022 15:26

Why did he show you a screenshot of his takeout order?

Jewel7 · 08/10/2022 15:52

Many years ago I met someone who also told me he did it occasionally. I believed him. Years later he dropped himself in it by saying it was every weekend for a few years. There were times when I was suspicious and he lied. I had no proof. He came home like this when we had small children. I have more recently realised he has lied to me about quite a few things. I think I was naive enough to believe him. The one thing I would say is follow your gut instincts and think about what you want in life not what he may or may not be telling you.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/10/2022 15:57

You shouldn't accept cocaine use at all. Raise your standards.

sarahc336 · 08/10/2022 15:59

@Marmitelover93 no large pupils are cocaine related not alcohol. X

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 16:01

He wouldn't have had coke before the takeaway and wouldn't have fallen asleep if he'd have taken it afterwards.

Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 08/10/2022 16:08

Nothing is going to give you proof unless you get him tested. We can't give you any answers.

If you know he takes coke and you don't like it, leave him.

You can't accept it and then give him the full Jessica Fletcher every time he goes out.

However, I don't know many grown men who go to a mate's to eat Chinese.

Original poster
Marmitelover93 · 08/10/2022 16:26

I think doing a drugs test would make it more Jessica Fletcher.

we were supposed to be going out for a celebratory meal as I received a job offer this week. But vibes were off so we cancelled it. We spoke about it and he still says he didn’t take any but understand how it might look like he did. However, he has gone back to bed for a sleep at it’s 4pm. So I just get a lot of doubt in my head.

im so conflicted because he says he will do everything to gain my trust back after previously hiding it from me-but what can he do ? He said he doesn’t want to lose me and we will work through my lack of trust. It’s horrible because I don’t know if I am in the wrong now - accusing him of things because of the lack of trust but then again he created that

OP posts:
Tinkity · 08/10/2022 16:26

I get a dry mouth from certain Chinese places, it’s the MSG / salt.

Hotandbothereds · 08/10/2022 16:33

None of what you’ve described sounds particularly like he’d been doing loads of coke, he’d been more likely to have stayed up and wouldn’t have been eating a takeaway.

But if this situation is making you question him and what he’s up to you clearly don’t trust him whatsoever, if you're looking for reasons to distrust him what future does your relationship really have?

AgentJohnson · 08/10/2022 17:13

Oh dear God woman, get off the merry go round. There will always be an ‘excuse’ why he takes drugs, do you really want to constantly on tenterhooks, second guessing whenever he leaves your line of sight? Ask him to pee in a cup and get it tested if you insist on playing this game.

totallyoutnumbered · 08/10/2022 17:59

Marmitelover93 · 08/10/2022 11:05

@sarahc336 i didn’t see his pupils last night. Would I be able to tell anything this morning? Also dilated pupils- could that be linked to alcohol instead? Thank you!

Generally tiny pupils the next day

5128gap · 08/10/2022 18:00

It doesn't matter if he did it or not really. He did it before and concealed it, and in doing so destroyed your trust. Trust is not regained over night. It can take years, and sometimes, it never comes back.
Now, you could wait and see if with enough good behaviour you can get your peace of mind back, with that sick anxious feeling everytime he goes out, sneezes or breaks a sweat. Stare at his pupils, question him, canvas opinion, turn yourself into a hyper vigilant amateur detective.
Or you could say, you know, life is too short to second guess someone who does something that crosses my boundaries and conceals it from me. You've just moved in together. The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

totallyoutnumbered · 08/10/2022 20:17

5128gap · 08/10/2022 18:00

It doesn't matter if he did it or not really. He did it before and concealed it, and in doing so destroyed your trust. Trust is not regained over night. It can take years, and sometimes, it never comes back.
Now, you could wait and see if with enough good behaviour you can get your peace of mind back, with that sick anxious feeling everytime he goes out, sneezes or breaks a sweat. Stare at his pupils, question him, canvas opinion, turn yourself into a hyper vigilant amateur detective.
Or you could say, you know, life is too short to second guess someone who does something that crosses my boundaries and conceals it from me. You've just moved in together. The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

Despite my tiny pupils comment I completely agree. It's no way to live. Trust is broken so easily and in my own personal experience never totally comes back. The things I'd tell my much younger self

TaraRhu · 08/10/2022 21:01

You don't generally have dinner and coke and you certainly don't go to sleep.
You take Coke to stay up all night and party. It's not like smoking joint. A Coke higher doesn't last that long either. Her be disappearing to do another line every 10/15 mins.

If the drug use is a deal breaker for you be clear about it. Is it the drug use or the not being honest about it you don't like?

Quveas · 08/10/2022 22:07

It doesn't really matter whether he did or he didn't. You do not trust him, and regardless of what anyone else thinks about the use of cocaine, there was no secret about him using. This relationship is going nowhere because the trust isn't there. Save both of you the trouble and end it now.

HelsyQ · 16/12/2022 14:52

Marmitelover93 · 08/10/2022 10:15

My partner came home last night after being at his friends for a couple of hours. He told me they had Chinese food (and sent me a screen shot of the food) and some drinks.

Before we moved in together he admitted he does it every so often but we have just moved in and I have a feeling he does it more often than he says. Last week I found out he did it but kept it from Me and admitted it when I asked. however, I suspect he also did some cocaine last night . I have never taken cocaine so I can only go off what I have heard and googled are side effects.

He arrived home and was talking A LOT, he was sweating (but he was wearing a stupidly big fleece and had just walked from the train) and I noticed the dry mouth the most. I didn’t say anything at this stage but when I went to bed he said he would come in soon. I woke up a few hours later and he was sleeping on the couch. I came in to tell him to come to bed and he said he has been going to the toilet because of a bad stomach from the food. I was suspicious as I hadn’t heard him do this and am quite a light sleeper. I then asked him if he did coke and he said no he swears he didn’t. But I just don’t believe him.

i don’t want to nag him like a mother figure but I am worried mainly because he is lying if he did take it. What do you think? Did he do it? What should I do now?

What would be your main issue if he was only using it recreationally? Ie- it wasn’t having any consequences?

addictive behaviour and consequences are very different to occasional recreational use, what would your issue be?

im not saying you shouldn’t have an issue btw, it’s completely your right, but if it’s not causing a detrimental affect to your relationship perhaps it’s something you can overlook? If you are going to be angry about it he’s going to lie to you.

by the way - if you just don’t want to be with someone that does drugs that’s your right, maybe he’s just not the one for you then?

JuneOsborne · 16/12/2022 14:56

Is he sniffing a lot, got a runny nose? That's the best morning after tell tale sign imo. Sometimes referred to as Colombian flu.

trampoline123 · 16/12/2022 15:01

Weird he showed you a screen shot of the food. Would it not be a photo of the food if he'd been eating the food rather than a screenshot?

If he had been taking coke he wouldn't want to be eating.

He probably wouldn't be sleeping either.

Karenwanderlust · 17/06/2023 15:53

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Karenwanderlust · 17/06/2023 15:54

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BluebellBlueballs · 17/06/2023 15:58

The sending pics of the food would make me suspicious

Why would he feel the need to do that?

He's overcompensating for a lie.

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