Been with partner 5 years. We don’t live together. He has an ASD son (15) in special school, has developmental delay along with ADHD. He’s a very good boy and well behaved, likes his own space and is picky about what he likes. A pleasure really. DP and myself had an argument 2 weeks ago, not related to child. We had no involvement with one another until this week (gave him back my engagement ring, thought it was truly over) he kept in touch for well-being (just seeing if I was okay etc)
this week we decided to make it work, had a lovely few days out and both tried extra had (didn not get my engagement ring back even though we’ve been quite lovely this week but never mind)
fast forward to tonight, shared a bottle of wine, had some nice food, gone to bed ans mentions Xmas and food.
about a month ago I cooked a Sunday lunch (chicken) step son would not eat the chicken but ate everything else. My DP didn’t encourage him to eat it (which he normally would and eventually his son probably would have…eventully) he’s had chicken with us before numerous times.
Going back to tonight, Xmas dinner mentioned and DP said he would bring sausages for child oj Xmas day (fine) I don’t know how but we got onto the subject of my Sunday lunch that I cooked. I said DSS would eat chicken usually and he’ll be fine as he adapts really easily but sausages were fine)
He flew into a defensive argument about how I change my meal plans for my children (neuro typical and 11 & 15) and that I’m isolating his child. I don’t, and usually I adapt our meals to beige) meals that DSS will eat (I don’t want burgers every weekend) DSS only eats with us a few times a week.
I said DSS can have sausages on Xmas day and I didn’t realise at the time he wouldn’t eat chicken otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. Anyway, he’s flew off in a rage (gone home at 2am in a taxi to his house 6 miles away)
i do every bit of the cooking and food shopping (he doesn’t contribute) so I said that while ever I’m doing all the cooking and shopping DSS will eat what I buy (within reason) I wouldn’t make him eat anything I knew he didn’t like. For instance he will only eat cheese sandwiches and plain crisps, cheerios, toast, pizza, burgers, plain pasta etc) which I always have in.
I’ve said DSS is very adaptable and I didn’t realise that on this particular day he wouldn’t eat chicken.
I’ce had it thrown back at me
that It’s me that’s the problem. I’ve said he puts DSS on a pedestal and that he encourages DSS to ‘stick to his ways’ (which he does as when DSS is with me on my own he’ll slightly deviate from his normal meals e.g. eat a ham sandwich.
I wasn’t nasty, I just said maybe we should encourage DSS as he can be welcome to change.
anyway, like I said he’s stormed off home, shouted really loudly and accused me of being unaccomodating and my children not always eating everything I make.
I feel a bit shit as as I said I buy all the food, cook it etc. DP knew what I was making for tea so he had every opportunity to say don’t make that.
he does put DSS on a pedestal (he drew on my walls, hid some of my personal belongings, tied some of my plants in knots etc) and when I mentioned it to DP he flew off the handle. His son can’t seem to do any wrong (I know his behaviours aren’t ‘wrong’ but sometimes I need to address them with DP) but I can’t as he’s so protective and it’s always me that ends up being the bad person.
AIBU to be pissed off with DP?
Can’t sleep and feel like an awful person xx