Blind sided and confused

[morekidsthanhands1]

This is the text message I received from my DP of 5 years, whom I’ve been financially supporting and letting him live in my house rent free and who’s kids I help out with, take on holiday, do their homework etc and also hold down 2 jobs and look after my kids. All because, in my opinion, I went out for friends birthday dinner… looking nice… equals I make no effort for him and in his words when I got home… am a “selfish c**t” and only got text as walked thru door as no reception at mates house……….
“I need to talk to you. I’m not happy in general. I don’t think this is working if I’m honest. I just think this isn’t for me anymore”

text was supposed to be delivered whilst I was out with friends.but due to bad wifi I didn’t get it till I got home. So designed I think to ruin my night.

for context we are in our late fourties and everything was fine till this morning when I told him to stop being a self pitting man child because I was going out with friends and not staying in with him. Simplified version but general gist! I’m too tired too angry and prob drunk too much to think clearly
Am numb and in shock

Whilst the post above about you being as bad as each other is pretty harsh, if all you do is keep posting for months and months and getting lots of good advice but taking no steps to change the situation for yourself, then don't be surprised if people lose sympathy.

it's difficult to know what you want from these threads. Is there any point in everyone saying there- there what a horrible partner you have? Probably not. Your life is ticking by, it's time you took him up on his suggestion that things are not working. It's difficult to get someone out of your life, but if you don't, you'll carry on being miserable, abused and unfulfilled.

get shot, and be free.
take no action, and stay unhappy.

the choice is yours.

Personally I think when someone posts issues like yours on mn they've reached the end of their tether but are too scared to take the next obvious step.
You're in a better position than most, you don't have to move out, you have no ducks to get in a row etc.
In your position I'd say "regarding your text last night, I'm sorry you feel like that but after giving your thoughts some serious consideration I actually agree with you. It would be best for both of us to end this relationship, would you like to move out today or would it help if I gave you a couple of days to find somewhere else to live?"
Then grey rock him, he's finished with you via text, take him at his word.
If he tries to talk you round, rinse and repeat "no, I absolutely agree with what you said in your text, when will you be moving out?"
Do it op or you'll be back on here in a couple of weeks saying the same thing ❤️

You have a controlling manipulative cock lodger.

gives the odd lift and helps with kids….. Come on @morekidsthanhands1 uoure making excuses for the fuck all he actually does as a partner.

makes you feel uncomfortable hanging out with others. Makes you worry about socialising. Expects you to dress up for him as well as do all the work, pay all the bills, buy all the food and he has the nerve to keep hold of his money and not step up as an equal partner but wants the sexy outfits etc. fuck that shit.

Give your head a wobble. Imagine if one of your children has grown up and treated a partner like he treats you. Would you feel ashamed of them? You are teaching your children that his behaviour is ok. That being a walkover is ok.

I think you are avoiding the inevitable difficult conversation of getting rid of him and instead ignoring the issues as it’s easier and become your relationship ‘norm’.

he’s already sent you a cowardly text saying it’s not working. Sit down with him. Tell him you agree. And that it’s time to go separate ways.