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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family fall out - dangerous dog

54 replies

Breezymama · 07/10/2022 21:03

Hi long one but need advice - my parents got a chihuahua puppy long hair , hair falls out , a few years ago he has always been snappy my mum said would get some training etc lockdown happened etc - now the dog is 3 and still she not got any help or training. The dog is unpredictable sometimes let stroke sometimes go for your hand, when he was 2 he bit a stranger ‘ for walking past my mum too closely’ myself and my partner had enough and he couldn’t be around our children anymore without a muzzle . So we got my parents round to discuss and she said I’ll try and get some training etc anyway he’s now 3 and still the same she treats him like a baby and it’s clear he is above me or her grandchildren, she refuses to muzzle him so visits have stopped and when they did visit one parent have the dog outside. Anyway we’ve since moved so have new carpets etc and when I put the rules down about he can’t be around the kids I also said he is not coming into our new house at all. Anyway my dad was meant to visit alone and she turned up with the dog too . Myself and my partner refused to let them in ( kids were at school ) and my partner told her the dog could stay in the garden that’s the only option and she said ‘ forget it then ‘ and they left. No contact since - just to add we live quite away from them so leaving the dog at there house is not a option. I guess I’m asking if I’m doing the right thing but considering cutting them off as it’s clear the dog comes before my children and it’s ridiculous, the dog has went for several strangers who want to stroke him he looks cute but a real nasty streak, and bit one stranger but they didn’t report it to the police only to the holiday park they were staying on and the holiday park have banned the dog from the amusement arcade .

OP posts:
Addicted2LoveIsland · 08/10/2022 10:01

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2022 07:07

Your mother is a disgrace to decent dog owners and should infact not own any animal. She has emotionally damaged this dog by not training it and putting it above everyone else in the pack. She probably treats it like a baby and carries it around. The animal therefore lashes out at all and sundry unsurprisingly.

you are doing the right thing here. Your dad merely goes along with her out of self preservation and want of a quiet life.

What you are describing is the alpha theory which has now been debunked. Anyone who has the most up to date knowledge on dogs and dog training knows this.

www.google.com/url?q=www.whole-dog-journal.com/behavior/debunking-the-alpha-dog-theory/&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwj1mZGvoND6AhX_QkEAHZ22AN4QFnoECAgQAg&usg=AOvVaw2N6El0mRWJfVl9DmvDpoHw

There are lots more books , scientific papers and articles about it.

I agree the dog needs training and Behaviour modification through a good reward based behaviourist. The dog may be fearful or even in pain. Some of it may be genetic but they definitely need help with the dog. Unfortunately, the more you're telling your mum the more she is pushing back and this leaves little room for her to see what you are saying because she is focusing on keeping and "protecting" her dog. It is creating an "us" and "then" scenario. Think when a teen has a BF the parents are against - it just pushed them closer.
I wouldn't cut your mum off but take a step back for now and if you do need or want to see them just do it without the kids and meet outside of the home (hers and yours). I definitely would not cut my dad off. If you really need space that is understandable but just try and avoid in person contact for a bit. Take calls and answer messages, be polite and kind but avoid in person dates (if thays how you feel).
You've said your piece and tried to be reasonable but just for now leave it alone. You can revisit it but I would just take the heat out if it for now and don't mention it.
I am sorry this is happening.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2022 10:21

I merely stated that she has emotionally harmed the dog by not training it in any way shape or form.

OPs mother should not be a dog owner; these types of selfish and self absorbed owner give other dog owners a bad rap. There have been problems before re she and dog ownership and this is a continuation of that. She neglecting to at all socialise this animal and dismiss training has caused this to happen. OPs dad is her enabler as well as bystander to all this and just wants a quiet life; he cannot be at all relied upon either.

Hopingforhomebirth · 08/10/2022 10:52

XelaM · 07/10/2022 22:54

It's a Chi. Hardly a Rottweiler. Chis are so fragile that anyone can overpower/hurt them. I think it's a crazy reason to cut contact with your parents 🤷‍♀️

@XelaM even a small dog can bite a child’s face and cause life changing injuries. You sound like a total numpty

Addicted2LoveIsland · 08/10/2022 21:34

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2022 10:21

I merely stated that she has emotionally harmed the dog by not training it in any way shape or form.

OPs mother should not be a dog owner; these types of selfish and self absorbed owner give other dog owners a bad rap. There have been problems before re she and dog ownership and this is a continuation of that. She neglecting to at all socialise this animal and dismiss training has caused this to happen. OPs dad is her enabler as well as bystander to all this and just wants a quiet life; he cannot be at all relied upon either.

You said she was putting the dog "above everyone else on the pack". The alpha theory talks about pack and pecking order which is why I stated the theory has been debunked.
I AGREE the mother is being irresponsible but equally if a theory has been debunked it is important not to spread misinformation

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