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Original poster

Family fall out - dangerous dog

54 replies

Breezymama · 07/10/2022 21:03

Hi long one but need advice - my parents got a chihuahua puppy long hair , hair falls out , a few years ago he has always been snappy my mum said would get some training etc lockdown happened etc - now the dog is 3 and still she not got any help or training. The dog is unpredictable sometimes let stroke sometimes go for your hand, when he was 2 he bit a stranger ‘ for walking past my mum too closely’ myself and my partner had enough and he couldn’t be around our children anymore without a muzzle . So we got my parents round to discuss and she said I’ll try and get some training etc anyway he’s now 3 and still the same she treats him like a baby and it’s clear he is above me or her grandchildren, she refuses to muzzle him so visits have stopped and when they did visit one parent have the dog outside. Anyway we’ve since moved so have new carpets etc and when I put the rules down about he can’t be around the kids I also said he is not coming into our new house at all. Anyway my dad was meant to visit alone and she turned up with the dog too . Myself and my partner refused to let them in ( kids were at school ) and my partner told her the dog could stay in the garden that’s the only option and she said ‘ forget it then ‘ and they left. No contact since - just to add we live quite away from them so leaving the dog at there house is not a option. I guess I’m asking if I’m doing the right thing but considering cutting them off as it’s clear the dog comes before my children and it’s ridiculous, the dog has went for several strangers who want to stroke him he looks cute but a real nasty streak, and bit one stranger but they didn’t report it to the police only to the holiday park they were staying on and the holiday park have banned the dog from the amusement arcade .

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 08/10/2022 06:29

@Breezymama Your parents are being unreasonable. You and Dh are being perfectly reasonable.

Your Op reminded me of a stand up comedy routine by Michael McIntyre where he talked about star ratings for how much certain breeds of dogs love people. chihuahuas only rate 1 star.

I couldn’t find video of that part of the comedy routine but found the script.

Thought you might find this funny:

But chihuahuas? Oh, every time… Every time you see a chihuahua, the owner’s like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Careful! He’s a bit nippy.” And you can see it in his eyes. I’d be like, “Of course– of course he’s a bit nippy, he’s a one-star love dog. Do your research.” See him going, “I’m a one-star love dog, I don’t know why she bought me. I don’t like her. I don’t like other people. Why she not do her research on the internet? When she tries to come close to me, I try to bite her, ’cause I don’t like her face, I don’t like her children, her husband. You know when she goes out of the house, I hope she’s dead. I do, I pray for her death. And get me out of your handbag, you fucking witch!” One star.

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/10/2022 06:40

My ‘mother’ did the same with a collie. She knew he was a biter when she got him and lied to the rescue and said he wouldn’t have any contact with children. Then didn’t tell me for over a year. He bit a neighbour and then she told me that that was why he was in the rescue.
We stopped going over that day.

GingerPigz · 08/10/2022 06:47

@Breezymama 😂😂😂

Seriously though - YANBU at all.

Ilovechoc12 · 08/10/2022 06:56

Your parents might cave in - with the love of the grand children…. Or maybe they will have to come separately to your house so one watches the dog at theirs …..
I’d stick with no dog in the house - maybe they can walk it and stick it in their car whilst you all have a drink together.

We have a similar situation with my sister where her dog (rescued) tried to bite my son and my daughter as the dog hates / too scared of children so want to bite them 😬 this was another lockdown / covid dog - we go down only on Xmas day now and the dog gets put in the car for 1hr whilst we have quick dinner after his 10 miles walk 🤪to sleep. Crazy eh but that dog is not biting my kids and she refuses to muzzle it too 🤪🤪🤪then we go home and waiting for the next yr to visit 😂😂😂

They have made the decision they know the rules …. It would be more of a safety aspect of biting I’d refuse it in the house ….

shame as the dog is ruining the relationship

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 08/10/2022 07:04

It's a shame but yanbu. The fact that the dog is tiny does to mean that its bites aren't dangerous. It shouldn't be around kids uncaged/unmuzzled. It can't be around your own dog either. Your mum has the right to choose her "fur baby" as more important to her than her real child abd grandchildren. Sad, but not something that you can control. If you relent then you will share the responsibility which the dog inevitably bites a child.

LuckyLil · 08/10/2022 07:06

XelaM · 07/10/2022 22:54

It's a Chi. Hardly a Rottweiler. Chis are so fragile that anyone can overpower/hurt them. I think it's a crazy reason to cut contact with your parents 🤷‍♀️

A Chi did this to my boyfriend. If you're happy to see that done to a child then maybe you shouldn't be around kids either.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2022 07:07

Your mother is a disgrace to decent dog owners and should infact not own any animal. She has emotionally damaged this dog by not training it and putting it above everyone else in the pack. She probably treats it like a baby and carries it around. The animal therefore lashes out at all and sundry unsurprisingly.

you are doing the right thing here. Your dad merely goes along with her out of self preservation and want of a quiet life.

dontputitthere · 08/10/2022 07:27

Jesus I can't believe people are defending your mum. She sounds batshit.

Poor dog for clearly being distressed. But absolutely put your family first.

People saying what a dog versus carpets. It doesn't matter if the dogs doing to do nothing or eat the bloody carpet. Op said no. You don't get to turn up and try to bully her into doing what you want.

Sounds stressful for your old dog too. Hope they're okay.

Op you've given her plenty of options. She could muzzle. She could crate. She could visit without the dog. She could even leave the bloody thing in the garden. She won't because the dog is more important than any of you. And the dog knows it. Until that changes I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

LuckyLil · 08/10/2022 07:55

dontputitthere · 08/10/2022 07:27

Jesus I can't believe people are defending your mum. She sounds batshit.

Poor dog for clearly being distressed. But absolutely put your family first.

People saying what a dog versus carpets. It doesn't matter if the dogs doing to do nothing or eat the bloody carpet. Op said no. You don't get to turn up and try to bully her into doing what you want.

Sounds stressful for your old dog too. Hope they're okay.

Op you've given her plenty of options. She could muzzle. She could crate. She could visit without the dog. She could even leave the bloody thing in the garden. She won't because the dog is more important than any of you. And the dog knows it. Until that changes I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

I can't believe it either. People seem clueless at the sort of damage a small 'fragile' dog is capable of causing. Look at the pictures of my BF's leg then put a small child's face in the middle of those pictures instead. The only reason the owner wasn't prosecuted was because we didn't know her address. Absolute madness that people would be so happy to allow a dog like that around children. People always seem to compare to the damage a large powerful breed can cause because they think small dogs are cute and fluffy and can't cause serious damage. My bf had to go to hospital for a tetanus injection as well because it got infected. Anyone who thinks that's not a big deal will hopefully not be left in charge of looking after small dogs and children at the same time. Any dog of any breed which is capable of causing this sort of damage to an adult man who just happened to walk past the owner in the street shouldn't be anywhere near children. It's not ok for dogs yo bite people regardless how small the dog it.

EfficientDynamics · 08/10/2022 08:12

Your house, your rules

I would have the same rules

If your mother doesn't like it, tough

Hoppinggreen · 08/10/2022 08:17

It doesn’t matter if the dog is big, small, friendly, moulds, doesn’t or whatever.
You only take your dog to someone else’s house if they say you can

applesandpears33 · 08/10/2022 08:24

It would annoy me that you had set out your rules and your mum chose to ignore them. I wouldn't cut contact but would make it clear that the dog is only welcome at your house if they stick to your rules (crate or muzzle or garden).

gogohmm · 08/10/2022 08:44

It's tiny so why couldn't they just have it in a cat carrier when they visit, surely it travels in one for safety? Sounds like a mess all around but there are solutions if both parties want one. Oh and carpets can ge vacuumed

Original poster
Breezymama · 08/10/2022 08:48

gogohmm · 08/10/2022 08:44

It's tiny so why couldn't they just have it in a cat carrier when they visit, surely it travels in one for safety? Sounds like a mess all around but there are solutions if both parties want one. Oh and carpets can ge vacuumed

I agree and have suggested the above but she refuses to cage it or muzzle it, as explained above it’s not just about the carpet my elderly dog would need to be put outside if there dog is inside . I’ve suggested everything but she won’t do anything expects to be able to bring the dog in the house

OP posts:
NCHammer2022 · 08/10/2022 08:50

They’re prioritising some shitty little dog above their grandchildren. They’ve made the choice, not you.

Suzi888 · 08/10/2022 08:53

You cannot have a nasty dog around children.

I would not want an a dog who was not housetrained in my house.

@ordinarilyordinary No you cannot keep a dog in a cage. 😬 Aside from its very cruel to keep a dog constantly caged, this dog is obviously going to scream the place down, and her owners are never going to agree to that.

They’ll have to choose to stay in other accommodation whilst they come to visit you and not bring the dog. They also need to get some training for that dog, it’s cruel to leave it in that state of constant anxiety.

LuckyLil · 08/10/2022 09:03

Breezymama · 08/10/2022 08:48

I agree and have suggested the above but she refuses to cage it or muzzle it, as explained above it’s not just about the carpet my elderly dog would need to be put outside if there dog is inside . I’ve suggested everything but she won’t do anything expects to be able to bring the dog in the house

Show quote history

Show her the pictures of my BF's leg and ask her if she wants her grandchildrens faces to look like that. Please stick to your guns on this. Don't let her bully you. It's not her house. It's yours.

ThatsTheWayIHikeIt · 08/10/2022 09:06

My mother had a rescue border collie that was unpredictable and aggressive. It went for my face once while I was sat down, but apparently that was my fault because I looked at it. That was the last time I was ever in the same room as it. But even then, on visits after a while my mother would say 'oh but can I bring her in now, she won't hurt you'. No Mother You Can't! I'm a dog lover, but some people are just ridiculous about their dogs.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/10/2022 09:08

XelaM · Yesterday 22:54
It's a Chi. Hardly a Rottweiler. Chis are so fragile that anyone can overpower/hurt them. I think it's a crazy reason to cut contact with your parents“

dog bites can cause sepsis.

YANBU, OP, they are.

Hoppinggreen · 08/10/2022 09:14

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/10/2022 09:08

XelaM · Yesterday 22:54
It's a Chi. Hardly a Rottweiler. Chis are so fragile that anyone can overpower/hurt them. I think it's a crazy reason to cut contact with your parents“

dog bites can cause sepsis.

YANBU, OP, they are.

Even a small dogs bite to the face can be very nasty.
A family member had a Westie that bit most people in the family. It wasn’t allowed near my DC

Dogtooth · 08/10/2022 09:16

I think the dog might be the tip of the iceberg and there are more problems with op's dm.

I'd not let that dog near my kids. Even a small bite can cause sepsis, fear of dogs, or if on the face damage to eyes and nose etc.

Your mother isn't doing it any favours, a bitey dog is likely to end up PTS if it bites someone. Your mum could have a criminal record and be sued.

unitywardrobe · 08/10/2022 09:27

I think you need to stick to your boundaries around your children but life is also short and unless a situation is abusive/toxic, I think NC is really a last resort.

For the sake of family relationships and so your kids can see their grandparents, see if she'll agree to the compromise of a crate. As a PP said, you can get them free on local sites. Chuck a blanket and some toys in (and a puppy pad if it's prone to randomly wee) and you've solved the issue.

As no, it's not your 'responsibility' to do any of this and yes, your mum seems to be being really daft and dismissive of your boundaries but if you value keeping her in your life, sometimes we have to make the first step, even when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

BigCheeseSandwich · 08/10/2022 09:40

I'm a dog person and I'd respect your rules re the carpets, let alone the children! They're being totally ridiculous.

Original poster
Breezymama · 08/10/2022 09:49

unitywardrobe · 08/10/2022 09:27

I think you need to stick to your boundaries around your children but life is also short and unless a situation is abusive/toxic, I think NC is really a last resort.

For the sake of family relationships and so your kids can see their grandparents, see if she'll agree to the compromise of a crate. As a PP said, you can get them free on local sites. Chuck a blanket and some toys in (and a puppy pad if it's prone to randomly wee) and you've solved the issue.

As no, it's not your 'responsibility' to do any of this and yes, your mum seems to be being really daft and dismissive of your boundaries but if you value keeping her in your life, sometimes we have to make the first step, even when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

I’ve suggested this but she refuses to put the dog in a crate at mine or muzzle or garden

OP posts:
Jules198 · 08/10/2022 09:56

Aside from the dog being nasty, I would find it cheeky someone turning up at my house with their dog! I like dogs and have had one in the past but this is taking the mick. Report it to their locsl council anonymously on the grounds youvd heard it has bitten people and its dangerous