Ex-H making out he's Mr Wonderful

[JoanCandy]

I hope this is in the right section. I'd just like to vent, if that's OK ?
There are a couple of threads I've started on NM's about my crappy marriage. Glad to report that I finally kicked his sorry, alcoholic, cock lodging ass OUT a couple of weeks ago. He's now 3 and a half hours away in his new lodgings and I've got some peace at last.
Seriously, it was emotional when we parted, of course, and I've had a couple of weeks to lick my wounds and feel sad.
Silly me, I went snooping tonight as I still have his password for Facebook etc, I knew I'd find him messaging women (he's got previous form for this) and he didn't let me down. Seems he's got 'close' to one woman in particular and they've spoken on the phone this evening too for nearly three hours.
Please don't misunderstand me, I hope he goes on to sort himself out and make a success of his life ... but the way he was portraying himself in these messages to her was hilarious. He's so deluded but of course he's not going to tell a potential new squeeze that he has a serious drink problem, hasn't worked for years, didn't contribute financially in any meaningful way during our entire relationship, didn't lift a finger around the house ... etc, etc. He's said he's 'busy' at work (he doesn't work), that he cared for my Mum for two years and it was 'hard work' (WTF ?! He didn't do a single thing for my Mum ! I used to ask him if he could please do little jobs around her home and he never did a single one ... I had to PAY someone to come and do them instead !), that he helped me with my work (I'm self employed, he did nothing of the sort).
I don't know, I just wanted to vent about this as I'm so flabbergasted. I did literally everything during our marriage, I couldn't rely on him for anything, even going as far as making sure that his car was legal and roadworthy (taxing it, paying for MOT's etc) but no one is completely blameless, I know it takes two to make or break a relationship.
I suppose I just can't believe that he's coming out with this BS to potential new GF's.

Whatever kind of bastard he may have been, what you did is massively out of order! What a shitty thing to do to break into someone else's private account. If you were a man, you'd be called a creepy stalker and scumbag of the highest order. It is none of your business what he says to someone else. You split up remember! Focus on sorting out your own shit instead of being a stalkerish nightmare. I cannot believe that you feel entitled to mock and scorn him after hacking his account.

It's illegal to access someone else's online accounts without their permission. You need to stop that now, no valid reason for it, and it can't be healthy for you either.

You have split up - why do you want to snoop on him?

Don’t snoop, no good can come of it.

If I sign into my FB account from a different computer I get an enrol notification from FB security. He may know you're snooping.

But yes, what he said is quite ridiculous.

I don't buy that it takes two to make a relationship fail. It actually only takes one person who constantly prioritises themselves over the relationship and/or the other person. Nobody's perfect so each person's imperfections can cancel the other's out in that respect.

You’re all right, of course. I shouldn’t have looked, it was morally wrong of me and indefensible.

Aside from the legalities and morals of snooping, why do you even care? It's over! You're FREE. He could be telling people he's Jesus reincarnated and it doesn't affect you in any way.

He's a lazy, deceitful, unfaithful drunk... and yet you're still obsessed with him. Eww.

Give yourself a slap then crack on with the divorce paperwork. Breaking into his accounts is beneath you.

Thanks @DoingJustFine
I have all of this info because I used to set everything up for him - his phone, bank accounts, Facebook, email - he asked me to do this for him.
We are already divorced, by the way, we attempted a reconciliation earlier this year after he promised to go to rehab, get a job and sort himself out, none of which happened.

See it as a microcosm of what he did to you. And be grateful you're not the one falling for it anymore. Also, it's proof he'll never change himself, just change his victim!

As tempting as it is to look on his social media, you’ve now looked and have it confirmed that he’s spitting BS to new women, like you knew he would, you need to stop now. You don’t need looking at this to see what he’s like, you’ve lived with it.

Well... l snooped as well when getting divorced and it actually helped me get over the break up.

It made me realise that XH did infact know how to treat me and me happy.... but chose not too.

Just like the bullshit he's feeding his girlfriend... he knew that was what he should have done .. but he didn't because he didn't care enough.

Make peace with it and move on in life without him... knowing he is still a complete arse

*make me happy

Surely it's normal to look at an ex-partner's pathetic Facebook accounts soon after splitting?

Of course they always re-write history and try to make out they were perfect and that it's you who was nuts and that's why they broke up.

What always amazes me is how many women fall for their bullshit. 😂

If it helps you to move on and cements your resolve to ignore him in future, then that's all to the good. Crack on.

Thanks everyone.
@iRun2eatCake You've hit the nail on the head, it’s what my friends and family have said to me too but, y’know, sometimes you need that extra head wobble 😊

It HAS helped me !
I’ve honestly been so miserable even though I knew it was the right thing to do which was bloody annoying and I didn’t know wtf was wrong with me and why I felt as I did when I should be skipping around in my new found freedom.
I fell for the BS once too 😣

That was to @BatteryPoweredMammy … thank you.

I just wish these men would some kind of indication of what kind of being they are tattooed on their foreheads. It makes me anxious that they are roaming free out there, lying to every potential victim they meet.

Good points. OP, ignore the victim-blaming comments. He made your life a misery but still, naturally, you felt a bit sad after he left. I’m glad you’ve now got evidence (a) of how quickly he’s bounced back, lining up a new victim to leech on, and (b) how right you were to split up.

Best wishes for your future.

Sometimes we just need to vent.

I was moaning about my husband to a dear friend. She very bluntly said “well what did you expect? You know what he’s like”.

She was so right, but it still helps to have a moan sometimes.

Go cold turkey hun. he not worth the effort

Surely it's normal to look at an ex-partner's pathetic Facebook accounts soon after splitting?

Creep on them yes. Log into them and look at messages, absolutely not. They're private and everyone, even arseholes, gets that.

OP, at some point in the next wee while you will realise he is not your problem any more and a weight will lift. Just stop doing illegal shit in the meantime.

Any new GF he gets with will very quickly realise that he isn't working unless he's very good at hiding it. They should get red flags when he has no money, lost his wallet on dates etc and once he starts trying to move in and cocklodge hopefully have major doubts and send him on his way

Thanks everyone for your posts.
I won’t be going into his private messages again but I’m glad today that I did it, if only to get the validation as some of you have pointed out that he has known all along what he should have been bringing to our marriage, he just chose not to - and it was a choice.
I was good to him, I kept all the plates spinning (rent and bills paid, even making sure his car was taxed, MOT’d and insured, booked and paid for all holidays / meals and nights out) despite having to do it on my own. You probably don’t believe me but this is what life is like with a chronic alcoholic. I also have an adult DD with SEN and I think we drifted along for so long because I have a lot to cope with day to day as well as working p/t and - as he wasn’t violent or aggressive when he was drunk - I let so much stuff slide.
The comments on here have really helped to open my eyes.

I did a similar thing and it really helped me too! But his email was logged onto my phone.
He got a gf 2 weeks after he moved out, signed up to several dating sites and went on dates whilst dating her, lost a lot of money gambling too.

Really really helped me to get over him very quickly!

Yes absolutely. He knows what to lie about, so he knows what was wrong.