Long term affair - Should I stay or leave?

[Energetictriangle123]

I discovered 10 days ago that my husband has had a 10 month long-distance affair involving messaging for an hour per day, video calling and meeting on three separate occasions for a few days at a time. The affair ended late last year when he ghosted her. I found out through email (and emailed the OW who has told all), yet my husband has only admitted to a one night stand (which is when the OW emailed), but he hasn't denied the affair and blames it on a 'mental health crisis' (which makes me wonder if he's not taking responsibility).

We have been married for 5 years, together for 9. I'm in my late twenties and we don't have children. We are currently living in the same house, but in separate rooms. He hasn't been saying much, apart from small talk... I can't work out whether he's given me the space I requested or just unbothered.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay or leave and how did it turn out? Do you have any other advice or pearls of wisdom please?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

I was in your position 20 years ago. I stayed. I never really trusted him again, and that led to anxiety. Eventually (inevitably) he cheated on me again, only this time I had two children and a big mortgage. I’ll never regret having my children, but I didn’t want to become a single parent to two pre teens at 46. You deserve the very best. Don’t saddle yourself with a cheater and a liar. You do not need to be with a low grade man.

You should leave. Your marriage is over.

If you stay he will continue to have affairs, as he knows that he has nothing to lose. He will eventually like one of his girlfriends more than he likes you and he will leave you for her.

Even though it will be very painful to leave, you will be saving yourself a lot of long term misery.

If you choose to stay, expect him to do the same. l know women who have decided to stay after an affair and they have always lived to regret it.

I remember your other post clearly. He had an affair with a woman while claiming he was single. He'd lied to her about their future, used her and then ghosted her.

He has then minimised, denied and gaslighted you.

Affairs are nasty nasty things. He has put your health at risk in more than one way and arguably the health of the other woman.

You were trying for a baby I believe, this would have put your potential baby at risk from the fallout of STDs too.

He has since shown you zero remorse and expects you to believe the pack of lies he's feeding you.

I am not against reconciliation, I'm reconciled myself BUT this man IS NOT safe for you! You and your potential family will always be at risk with such a manipulative, nasty, cake eating, entitled, selfish creep!

And please don't listen to the poster above who even vaguely tried to imply he wasn't 'happy' with you or you weren't 'good enough', no one is ever enough for men like this.

You had unanimous advice last time, you have it again, please you matter, it'll hurt but the alternative is much worse! Get out!

Go. Go. Go go go. Just go. Do you rent or have a mortgage? If it’s rent, for godsake go as soon as the term is up. I was your DH. I had the affair(s). I didn’t get caught though.

Long story short - other, happier, love-filled lives await you. This is not the one.

Leave ASAP. You are still young enough to meet someone who will treat you better.

I say this as someone who stayed, doesn’t regret it and is happy.

GO! You’re young, you have no children.
Please leave 💐

I left and it was the best decision I've ever made.

Why would you stay with someone who has such little respect for you?

You’re young, you don’t have children. You can do better than him.

Advice? Yes - leave. He’ll do it again and you might have kids by the next time. Get out now, you are still so young - he’s a low life.

I thought you had already left.in your last thread you had gone to a friends? And realised he wouldn’t change?why have you gone back.

Leave and don't look back.
Don't let your current (cheating) boyfriend stop you finding your future husband.

Leave. You’ll never be able to trust him, so what’s the point?

Honestly, get out now.

I am sorry, it is a horrible position to be in.

For just under 1/10th of your relationship, he's been being unfaithful. He's denied it to you and acted like a complete scumbag to the other woman.

Do you want to stay with him? Of so, why? You'll have a lifetime of worry if you do, and he'll probably cheat on you again at some point in the future.

If you stay you will be giving him (in his mind) carte blanche to do it again. Don't you deserve better ?

Leave!

You would have to be an absolute fool to stay with this man. You're so young and have no children. Stay with a cheater and you will regret it.

Run. You have no ties to him other than emotional and trust me that will fade now you know what he is capable of.

Leave.

Leave and make sure everyone (friends, family) know he cheated. You don't have children it's a no brainer to leave.

I can promise you if you stay he will cheat again. This is before you even have the stress of children and increased demands of the drudgery of life, lack of sleep and sex and he is already cheating. This will be his default reaction whenever life is a bit stressful. You are still young and free go and find someone better.

💯% leave.

please, please leave. you're young, no kids. and it sounds like he couldn't give a shit. he should be on his knees begging for forgiveness, trying to explain why he did it. just go and be happy. you have your whole life ahead of you. he'll just do it again. 💐