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Original poster

Is this believable story from new date?

51 replies

Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:00

He says:

His ex girlfriend had a history of depression. An art graduate, she struggled to hold down any job for long. He supported her financially.

During lockdown she had a complete breakdown, left her job, repeatedly called him at work having a mental health crisis meaning he had to leave work (this last point has been verified by a mutual friend).

In the end he couldn't cope with her mental health. He broke up with her two weeks ago, joined Tinder and is now on a date with me.

His only other serious ex developed depression and put on a large amount of weight after they married.

Why do I think his behaviour is contributing to these women's issues?

OP posts:
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 05/10/2022 17:08

It's a bit early to tell, surely? Just as likely (if not more so) that he has been attracted to vulnerable women who need his support.

Original poster
Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:11

Good point @MrsGhastlyCrumb I don't know him well enough to say. I felt strange when he was talking about it. He kept saying g he felt so guilty, but he was smiling as he said it. Incongruent.

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/10/2022 17:11

You don’t really fancy him?

allura · 05/10/2022 17:11

His only other serious ex developed depression and put on a large amount of weight after they married.

who told you this?

Original poster
Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:12

I really, really fancy him!!

OP posts:
ThisShitsBananas · 05/10/2022 17:13

I would get involved with anyone who is only broken up 2 weeks. It never ends well.

ThisShitsBananas · 05/10/2022 17:14

Wouldn’t *

Original poster
Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:14

allura · 05/10/2022 17:11

His only other serious ex developed depression and put on a large amount of weight after they married.

who told you this?

He did. He said she changed and lost all her enthusiasm for life and was quite boring. The artist girlfriend was initially very creative and passionate but then she too became hugely depressed and wouldn't leave the house.

OP posts:
allura · 05/10/2022 17:16

Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:14

He did. He said she changed and lost all her enthusiasm for life and was quite boring. The artist girlfriend was initially very creative and passionate but then she too became hugely depressed and wouldn't leave the house.

Show quote history

It’s repulsive that he disclosed all these womens mental health histories to you, he barely knows you. why is her weight relevant?

Besides that, a date 2 weeks after a breakup? No no no.

sounds like a complete dickhead.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 05/10/2022 17:17

My now exh had 2 exes who were Not Right.
He was the common denominator..
Coincidently my mh wasn't great during our relationship.. Improved massively when I threw him out.

DatingDinosaur · 05/10/2022 17:17

Red Flags to me –

He’s discussing his exes with you at all, in such depth. I’d bin him off just for that. You’re not his therapist and his past is his past and nothing to do with you beyond knowing that you’re not his first girlfriend.

He broke up with someone only 2 weeks ago and is now on the pull again.

I wouldn't be assuming he's looking for a relationship. Proceed with caution.

Am1beingUnreasonable · 05/10/2022 17:21

I mean, it’s impossible to tell. 1 in 4 people suffer with mental health problems during their adult life, so him having encountered two women with MH difficulties isn’t out of the realms of possibility.

The potential over sharing may be an issue IF this info was offered up voluntarily with no prompting from yourself. If, however you asked about his exes then I can’t really bring myself to fault a man for being honest when asked a direct question.

Any gut feelings, op? Usually that’s your best guide.

minticecreamisjustok · 05/10/2022 17:22

I'd be very wary, perhaps it's his behaviour that caused them to have depression, don't be the next one.

Am1beingUnreasonable · 05/10/2022 17:23

Just to add, my husband of 16 years had two previous exes with quite severe mental health problems. I can see how his very black and white / stuff upper lip personality might contribute to someone not feeling great. I too suffer on and off with depression but find his no nonsense approach helpful, it pulls me out and helps me refocus. Some people just aren’t compatible

PortiasBiscuit · 05/10/2022 17:24

Well he’s an over-sharer whatever else he is.
why is he telling you this stuff so soon?

LemonDrop22 · 05/10/2022 17:26

There are yoghurts in my fridge older than the length of time he's been single.

Maybe he should take more than 14 days to recover, process and move on from a relatively serious relationship.

On top of that he's oversharing about his exes massively.

But most of all - he smiled while saying he feels terrible about them (???) Wtaf. Such a contrast between expression/body language etc and words sound very dodgy.

So he's good looking, lots of people are. There seem to be a lot of other important things he's not though.

2bazookas · 05/10/2022 17:27

I'd question why he thinks you'll be interested in the woes of your predecessors. Either this shows he is an indiscreet gossip (so you shouldn't tell him anything private) or he is somehow using their illnesses as some kind of weird attention-seeking Munchausen by proxy. It's not very attractive.

Next week; "Let me show you my running sore then we can have a date in A and E."

Original poster
Pineappleskies · 05/10/2022 17:27

Wow thanks everyone!!

He seems very calm, very measured, attentive.

The topic came up because someone came in the pub he knew. He waved and then he told me about his recent girlfriend. The guy who walked in the pub is someone he knows. We were clearly on a date and the guy looked pleased rather than shocked.

I guess seeing a friend triggered him to want to be open...if the friend had come over, I guess something might have been said.

I went a bit quiet and he said, "if that hadn't put you off already then ..." told me about end of his marriage.

Then he just went back to flirting with me.

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 05/10/2022 17:28

He kept saying g he felt so guilty, but he was smiling as he said it. Incongruent.

Psycho alert.

TobyEsterhase · 05/10/2022 17:29

He is dating within 2 weeks of a traumatic split. Sounds odd.

LemonDrop22 · 05/10/2022 17:30

Maybe he should take more than 14 days to recover, process and move on from a relatively serious relationship

Oh and that was presuming you are his first tinder date, it's obviously possible you're not.

waterrat · 05/10/2022 17:31

Sorry OP it's a massive red flag him telling such hugely personal information about other women.

The one possible reason may be that he is still in shock from the break up - which is in itself a red flag - so he can't stop talking about the ex because it was so recent.

It's disgraceful that he would talk about her problems with you - and really off to do it on a date.

CheekyHobson · 05/10/2022 17:31

Yeah, I would be hearing:

  • Don’t develop mental health issues, I won’t be there for you
  • Don’t on weight, I don’t like that
  • I’m two weeks out of a relationship and don’t want to spend any time getting over it or reflecting on myself
  • I’m spending the very early dates with a new woman establishing myself as both a hero and a victim (major red flag for covert narcissism)

It would be a hard swerve from me.

waterrat · 05/10/2022 17:32

I think this is a form of negging - he is ensuring you know that he is a dramatic individual who gets into dramatic situations - you will be the 'crazy ex' next

TobyEsterhase · 05/10/2022 17:32

My rule is to only discuss exes in vaguest possible terms on Date 1. If someone gave me chapter and verse about their ex then there wouldn't be a Date 2.

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