Is this believable story from new date?

[Pineappleskies]

He says:

His ex girlfriend had a history of depression. An art graduate, she struggled to hold down any job for long. He supported her financially.

During lockdown she had a complete breakdown, left her job, repeatedly called him at work having a mental health crisis meaning he had to leave work (this last point has been verified by a mutual friend).

In the end he couldn't cope with her mental health. He broke up with her two weeks ago, joined Tinder and is now on a date with me.

His only other serious ex developed depression and put on a large amount of weight after they married.

Why do I think his behaviour is contributing to these women's issues?

Within 2 weeks he’s on tinder and on a date. Nice bloke

I dated a guy who had a couple of interesting exes.

One was apparently insecure, jealous, volatile when drinking etc. One apparently got a really angry, psycho look in her eyes on occasion.

After a few months dating him, I knew exactly why woman a was acting the way she was, and I have no doubt I shared the same angry, "psycho" look in my eyes on numerous occasions. He was/is a fucking dementor.

He actually had the slyness not to slag his exes off to me for the first while though. Probably because he was mid 40s and it was far from his first rodeo.

It's probably a good thing this guy doesn't even have enough guile to do that. He's telling you straight off "I'm going to fuck your head up"

You do know you're his next mentally unwell ex? How do you fancy knowing he'll be sharing sensitive and intimate things about you soon enough? I've been married a loooong time and we have hardly ever spoken about any exes - what's the point? It's just boring.

Broke up two weeks ago.
Signed up to Tinder.
Do I need to type louder, OP or can you hear me over the alarm bells?
Get your skates on. Hills are that way >>>> 🚩🚩🚩 and all the other MN safety drills. Just chucking ‘em all in your direction.

Perfect summary.

Yes this plus I will share any personal information about you with all and sundry. I'd be put off.

I agree - it's weird, and a big red flag, that he's feeling the need to tell you these things.

Yes!

Neal. On. Head.

If I went on a first date and the guy spent the whole time talking about his ex girlfriends then I wouldn't be having a second date and even worse is that he was sharing their personal struggles in what sounds like a gleeful manner. I'd run for the hills if I were you tbh

Given his last two girlfriends it's quite likely he's a narcissist and will be all fantastic for the first 4 months. Then there will be the slight digs which you won't even notice. Also you don't fancy him at all, you fancy his body. You don't fall for someone's mind in a feew minutes.

Sounds like he attracts unstable women.

Or creates them

He certainly abandons people the moment they have a problem. Keep that in mind.

I’d be depressed too if someone I was intimate with shared my private info with randoms on Tinder two weeks after a breakup. How awful for the poor women. He’s a stirrer if nothing else. No discretion. I can’t stand people who do this with other people’s info.

Thanks so much everyone! Our date ended up being interrupted as he had a work call.

We then spoke some more but he couldn't give an insight into anything....friends or exes....it all felt like tales of woe where it was annoying for him how others had fallen to pieces...yet he seemed so incurious about it.

He obviously feels others have let him down on life but he doesn't seem to feel any real curiosity as to why.

Yes, I'd read it that way too.

And then there's he said, "if that hadn't put you off already then ..." told me about end of his marriage.
Which I would interpret as: Let's talk about ME some more while i suss out how much egotism and putting down of exes you will tolerate on what is supposed to be a happy, flirty first meeting where we find out what we have in common.

I wouldn't find that behaviour or mindset remotely sexy.

Should he be dating again after only a fortnight?

He sounds a bit creepy tbh

Other posters have summed it up well, does sound like a covert narc with his stories of being a victim

Bang on !

Seriously lacking in emotional intellegence and empathy.

Run.

Pretty heavy for a first date! What a self absorbed man. If you're very very lucky you could be the lucky person who gets to disappoint him next.

You can do better than be a willing audience to this self absorbed fool.

That’s a good rule to follow.

In my experience there is usually an agenda to the: my ex was mentally unwell and it was hard for me spiel. Especially in the early days of dating.

I'm concerned about the two week break he has had between leaving his former relationship, joining tinder and dating you... if I split from someone who had been special to me I would need a lot longer than that to gather myself, whether I initiated it or not.

Anyhow...

I wouldn't respect him just for divulging his exes' issues or shortcomings while he's trying to look like a saint. It's a massive red flag.

Run for the hills!