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Original poster

Boyfriend financially unstable

50 replies

Sheree2000 · 05/10/2022 15:54

I’m not sure what to do…me and my boyfriend have been together just over a year we get along so well we have a relationship where we’re like best friends we can be goofy with each other I can show him my weird side etc and we can genuinely talk about anything I love him a lot and he’s great with my 2 year old daughter who also loves him but he’s not financially stable he has a job but isn’t good with money and also has a credit card so constantly has to pay money back to the bank it can be quite frustrating as a lot of the time he has to borrow money from me and I don’t mind as I’m his girlfriend and wanna be here to help but being a young mum on benefits if anything I should be the one borrowing money from him not constantly having to lend him money I guess that’s the only fault is as I have a daughter and want to settle I need a guy who’s financially stable, without seeming like a gold digger, just want someone who can provide…there’s this other guy who I was talking to before my boyfriend but we never managed to meet once me and my boyfriend got together I cut this guy off but every time me and my boyfriend argue and stop talking for a few days I’ll start talking to this other guy again (I cut him off as soon as me and my boyfriend make up)…me and my boyfriend argued recently so I started talking to this guy again but this time I’ve not cut him off since me and my boyfriend made up its hard because although I love my boyfriend this other guy is financially stable, which is the one flaw my boyfriend has, and he’s a serious guy he wants to settle down with me have a family etc and he wants to take me out on dates and pay for the meals etc and I’ve never really had that even with my boyfriend we use to take it in turns at the start to pay for dates but now we barely go out as he has no money and if we do it’s me paying and he’ll say he’ll pay me back also this other guy is ready for children and I’ve been wanting another baby for a while but my boyfriend isn’t ready I don’t wanna give off gold digger vibes because that’s not the case I just understandably need someone who’s stable and can provide especially as I’m not able to treat myself much being a young mum on benefits itd be nice to be with someone who can treat me a bit and make me feel special and I know this other guy would help with things towards my daughter as well he also has his own house. They’re both the same age, 22, but I guess they’re both at two complete different people at different stages in their lives my boyfriends birthday is coming up I don’t have loads of money but he’d like to go to Thorpe park and a hotel after which I’m having to fund and I asked if he could possibly pay for his entrance to Thorpe park as it’ll cost me £200 or more in total which is a lot for someone in my situation and he got offended that I was asking him to pay on his birthday where as this other guys birthday is also coming up and I said I could take him out and he said no and that he dosent want me to pay for anything he’ll pay so hes just a lot more understanding of my situation. I love my boyfriend a lot but it can be unattractive the way he spends his money and is always broke and having to borrow from me.

No judgements please just want advise on what to do/opinions. Thank you!

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 05/10/2022 15:56

I think you need to grow up and put your daughter first.

Catapultaway · 05/10/2022 16:01

Novel concept... Why can't you provide for your family yourself?
Seriously, you've never met this guy.

ItsDefinitelyAutumn · 05/10/2022 16:01

You already know what to do. That money should be spent on your daughter not treating your boyfriend when you can't afford it. Break up with him for your own good. Put your daughter first.

Original poster
Sheree2000 · 05/10/2022 16:01

Put my daughter first? So you want me to stay single? What kind of advice is that I’m not looking for advice regarding my daughter this is relationship advice

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 05/10/2022 16:08

Dump him

decayingmatter · 05/10/2022 16:09

Yes, put your daughter first. In this regard:

  • Don't bring men into her life if you're going to start talking to other men whilst still in a relationship and consider jumping ship, all whilst she gets used to the man you are currently with.
  • Don't introduce your new partners to her at all unless you actually think that you can have a committed, long term relationship with them.
  • Take ownership of providing for your daughter yourself. Why on earth is it the responsibility of a new boyfriend to bring you financial stability? Enrol on a course, get a job, take on further education, earn your own money.
  • Don't lend the benefit money which you should be spending on your daughter to your relatively new boyfriends.
  • Focus on your young daughter and stop obsessing over men.
  • Don't have another baby until you are able to provide for them financially and provide them with stability.
sittingonacornflake · 05/10/2022 16:09

So you haven't met other guy? I think there is a very real risk he is talking absolute bollocks and could be even worse with money than your bf.

Invisimamma · 05/10/2022 16:10

Stop paying for this guy. Use that money to provide for your child.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2022 16:11

You are making very poor decisions, on several different levels. Dump your freeloading boyfriend and take some time to improve your own circumstances before trying to find a man to support you.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/10/2022 16:12

Fuck me. Grow up. Why are you looking for somebody to provide for you? Jumping between two blokes. Concentrate on your child 🙄

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/10/2022 16:13

Why can't you get off your ass and provide for your daughter yourself?

NellesVilla · 05/10/2022 16:14

Flipping heck where are all the full stops and punctuation OP it’d be easier to read for all but never mind didn’t get through entire post as couldn’t really make hard nor tail of it to be honest as you were good luck

Motnight · 05/10/2022 16:14

Sheree2000 · 05/10/2022 16:01

Put my daughter first? So you want me to stay single? What kind of advice is that I’m not looking for advice regarding my daughter this is relationship advice

Yes. You've got it 😂

Ilikewinter · 05/10/2022 16:15

I agree with other PP.
You need to end it with your current boyfriend, you dont sound compatible and you will grow to resent him more over time.

I then think you need to concentrate on yourself and your daughter, you are incredibly young but are already talking about settling down and having more children with a man you dont know.

Whilst yes its nice to be "wined and dined" surely along side that you need to concentrate on making yourself financially independent for the sake of your daughter.

Theres no rush OP.

HappyHamsters · 05/10/2022 16:17

You argue with your current boyfriend, he sponges money off you so its not all perfect. The other guy you have never met so he could be talking a load of bs.
My advice would be forget both of them, you are better off being a single mum at the moment. The right partner will come along one day. These 2 men are only 22 which is pretty young, how old are you. Why cant you stay single for a while, you have plenty of time to get into a stable loving relationship.

Michellebops · 05/10/2022 16:17

Oh jeez you sound immature.

You don't NEED to be in a relationship to give your daughter a secure happy future.

You're playing 2 guys off against each other and basically seeing who's going to provide for you and your daughter whilst you provide what??

Time to grow up and put your daughter first, not yourself

QuietQuietBang · 05/10/2022 16:19

Sheree2000 · 05/10/2022 16:01

Put my daughter first? So you want me to stay single? What kind of advice is that I’m not looking for advice regarding my daughter this is relationship advice

Looking to a boyfriend to take care of you financially is a recipe for disaster. If you want financial stability and security then the best way to do it is to find a way to get yourself into a decent career.

Even if this better-off guy is a better prospect, do you really think it likely he’s going to want to spend his twenties and beyond paying for you and someone else’s child?

No, looking for someone else to take care of you is rarely a great idea.

katieg03 · 05/10/2022 16:20

decayingmatter · 05/10/2022 16:09

Yes, put your daughter first. In this regard:

  • Don't bring men into her life if you're going to start talking to other men whilst still in a relationship and consider jumping ship, all whilst she gets used to the man you are currently with.
  • Don't introduce your new partners to her at all unless you actually think that you can have a committed, long term relationship with them.
  • Take ownership of providing for your daughter yourself. Why on earth is it the responsibility of a new boyfriend to bring you financial stability? Enrol on a course, get a job, take on further education, earn your own money.
  • Don't lend the benefit money which you should be spending on your daughter to your relatively new boyfriends.
  • Focus on your young daughter and stop obsessing over men.
  • Don't have another baby until you are able to provide for them financially and provide them with stability.

This a hundred times!!

blisstwins · 05/10/2022 16:20

decayingmatter · 05/10/2022 16:09

Yes, put your daughter first. In this regard:

  • Don't bring men into her life if you're going to start talking to other men whilst still in a relationship and consider jumping ship, all whilst she gets used to the man you are currently with.
  • Don't introduce your new partners to her at all unless you actually think that you can have a committed, long term relationship with them.
  • Take ownership of providing for your daughter yourself. Why on earth is it the responsibility of a new boyfriend to bring you financial stability? Enrol on a course, get a job, take on further education, earn your own money.
  • Don't lend the benefit money which you should be spending on your daughter to your relatively new boyfriends.
  • Focus on your young daughter and stop obsessing over men.
  • Don't have another baby until you are able to provide for them financially and provide them with stability.

All of this.
and you don’t even know the other guy and he wants to settle down and provide? Relationships have to be built and it should not be an either/or.

Hearthnhome · 05/10/2022 16:21

Both men make poor decisions and so do.

You don’t love your boyfriend if you are keeping someone else in reserve. I will also recommend not lending him money or taking the relationship any further. Having a partner who is financially irresponsible is draining in many ways.

You don’t even know this other man. All you like about him, is that he claims to be financially stable and will pay for his own birthday. Sounds like all you are interested in his financial stability.

If this is real, as someone who has been a single parent, this is my advice. Work towards making yourself financially stable. It is doable with young kids. It’s hard work, but you can do it. Study, if you don’t have a career. Make plans for your own career and start working on them now.

Then wait until you are in a position where you are making good decisions. Then you will be looking for someone who you do have feelings for that’s in the same page, financially. There will be plenty of men out there

But for now, concentrate on you and your child and making your life as good as you can, independently of a man. You and your child will be happier in the long run

QuietQuietBang · 05/10/2022 16:21

And I agree with the other posters who are critical of you introducing her to this boyfriend before you have even decided whether to have a serious relationship with him. This is profoundly unfair to her.

greystarblanchard · 05/10/2022 16:22

So you’re jumping from one man to the other every two minutes? You really need to do a lot
of self reflection and growing up before you comment on someone else’s flaws, let alone bringing them around your child.

HappyHamsters · 05/10/2022 16:22

if you're looking for a sugar daddy at least meet one face to face who is mature enough to know what he is letting himself in for

Pumpkinsbeinghitbyfallingapples · 05/10/2022 16:24

decayingmatter · 05/10/2022 16:09

Yes, put your daughter first. In this regard:

  • Don't bring men into her life if you're going to start talking to other men whilst still in a relationship and consider jumping ship, all whilst she gets used to the man you are currently with.
  • Don't introduce your new partners to her at all unless you actually think that you can have a committed, long term relationship with them.
  • Take ownership of providing for your daughter yourself. Why on earth is it the responsibility of a new boyfriend to bring you financial stability? Enrol on a course, get a job, take on further education, earn your own money.
  • Don't lend the benefit money which you should be spending on your daughter to your relatively new boyfriends.
  • Focus on your young daughter and stop obsessing over men.
  • Don't have another baby until you are able to provide for them financially and provide them with stability.

This

Whitney168 · 05/10/2022 16:24

you don’t even know the other guy and he wants to settle down and provide?

And he's 22 ... 22 year old blokes are indeed well known for wanting to settle down and provide for women and their children.