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Original poster

Online Dating

61 replies

davrospatel · 04/10/2022 12:05

How long did you give online dating a chance before you deleted your profiles and gave up permanently?

OP posts:
forgotoldusername · 04/10/2022 16:42

I used to say "I tend to meet quickly" and those who were faffing took the hunt very quickly. the interested ones would say "yes I agree. Would Wednesday work?"

PushkaMcgee · 04/10/2022 17:05

I'm on Tinder again after another LTR break up and I'm 60! It's a great ego boost for me and as much as I'd love another relationship from it I'm quite chilled. Had quite a few dates, some good, some dreadful but I look on them, as previous posters have said, as an opportunity to go out, have a coffee/drink/walk and hopefully, have a nice time even if it doesn't lead to anything permanent.

Personally I wouldn't immediately discount anything with a blank profile. I haven't put anything in mine (Tinder) apart from the 5 interests and where I'm based.
Like others have said I try and get a meet up as soon as possible, though sometimes it's just not possible. One guy I'm talking to has been out of the country twice and once he's back I'm away. I realise it could all be bullshit but everything else about him ticks boxes.

Don't overinvest in anyone (difficult!) and also a 'spark' can build. If I think a guy is 'ok' I'll always try a second date. Try and talk to as many as you can at first as some tend to disappear for no reason and try not to take anything personally.

Stay on it as long as you feel comfortable and you're enjoying it. Delete the app and take a break whenever you want. Who knows who'll be lurking on there when/if you decide to reinstall it. Both my children met their partners on Tinder as did two of my friends who are both now married to their right swipes. Good luck.

HaggisBurger · 04/10/2022 17:19

I think the meeting quickly is the key. I see so many posters on here becoming massively over invested in some back and forth chat. Apart from anything leaves you open to catfishing and time wasters.
I matched with my bf on a weds and went for coffee on the Sunday. Then a proper date on a Tuesday. To misquote Craig David …Won’t say what I did the following Saturday 😉

ganvough · 04/10/2022 19:09

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 04/10/2022 13:50

@ganvough @forgotoldusername do you mind me asking how old you are? And also if you have children? I'm not ready to OLD yet but feel like being 39 with 3 small children automatically puts me in the write off pile?

Am 36 with no kids, so definitely easier than if I had 3. But you are not in the write off pile!! There will be plenty of other single dads who want a single mum as you'll understand them better. And no-kids single men who are are relaxed enough to accept your kids, as the person matters. Also you are lucky to not have the pressure of bio clock ticking and wanting kids, which makes dating so much more high stakes. You can afford to take as long as you need to find the right guy.

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 19:21

@PushkaMcgee One of the deal breakers for me is distance and that is the main reason i deleted it last time. I don't want a long term relationship or to travel far to meet a complete stranger only to find we don't hit it off in person. What was the max distance you set out of interest? Last time i used Tinder i set it to 30 miles which is far enough.

OP posts:
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 04/10/2022 19:28

It took about a year before I gave up, I’m at an age where no one is interested in me

Watchkeys · 04/10/2022 19:40

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 04/10/2022 19:28

It took about a year before I gave up, I’m at an age where no one is interested in me

There is no age where nobody is interested. People meet/date/form relationships at all stages of life.

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 19:46

@Watchkeys No though i do wonder if Tinder deliberately slows down messages for free users. For me if someone takes 4 or 5 days to reply to a message then i un-match because i want someone who is consistent in communication. I can't stand the 'I am busy' Well aren't we all lol

OP posts:
anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 04/10/2022 19:46

@ganvough

Thanks! I hear/read on mumsnet so many bad things about OLD is hard to feel Optimistic about using it to meet someone.
But you're right about not having the time pressure to meet someone and have children although wouldn't be averse to having more kids one day

YellowRedBlueGreen · 04/10/2022 19:52

On and off for a few years, two relationships in between. I'm 38 and have 100% quit, in fact I've quit wanting to meet someone altogether. I've wasted most of my adulthood feeling like shit for being single when actually relationships are mostly about tolerance, compromise and patience. None of which I had in the first place. Plus most men I've met are total dickheads and I only miss sex a few times per year anyway, I'd rather go without than have someone wanting me to put out every other day.

Fuck the lot of them. I blame Disney for my previously unrealistic expectations of men.

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:02

@YellowRedBlueGreen I am sorry you haven't had great experience. I have more and more deal breakers of what i will tolerate these days and in general i don't particularly like many people in general. People suck!

OP posts:
Bonnieblueeyes · 04/10/2022 20:10

I was on one of the sites for 2 years and had quite a few dates in that time, I think the key is to not spend too much time messaging and to arrange a date as soon as you can, if you want to. I found some people on the sites just wanted a pen pal or someone to ease their loneliness in an evening, which is fine but I actually wanted to meet someone.

Which I eventually did! I went on POF one day to actually delete it after a particularly disastrous date and saw I had a message from a rather good looking guy.

Well fast forward almost 3 years and we are now married and I couldn't be happier! I just wanted to say that there are some good luck stories that come out of OLD and not to give up on it completely. Smile

LeandraDear · 04/10/2022 20:12

4 months and I met my now H.

Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 20:21

I've been on and off it for more than 20 years. I met someone that I fell in love with he cheated, I decided to try again, met someone else and he was a prick. But for some stupid reason I stayed with him for about 5 years. After that ended I decided to give up - If I can't find the right one in 20 years then I figured it was hopeless and at my age what would be the point.

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:23

@Bonnieblueeyes You should read the Trustpilot reviews of POF Not great! You were one of the lucky ones and congratulations.

OP posts:
Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:25

@Sunnytwobridges Your never too old but i wouldn't blame for calling it quits. Its not a failure on your behalf just that their are a lot of shit heads in this world.

OP posts:
Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:25

there even.

OP posts:
Bonnieblueeyes · 04/10/2022 20:32

davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:23

@Bonnieblueeyes You should read the Trustpilot reviews of POF Not great! You were one of the lucky ones and congratulations.

Oh I can imagine! It's not lost on me how lucky I am.

But I think all the 'free' OLD sites have their issues, as probably do the paid ones.

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:44

@Bonnieblueeyes Do you think it is really a numbers game like playing the lotto?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/10/2022 20:48

davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:44

@Bonnieblueeyes Do you think it is really a numbers game like playing the lotto?

What else could it be?

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:54

@Bonnieblueeyes Luck and being in the right time at the right place?

OP posts:
Bonnieblueeyes · 04/10/2022 21:06

davrospatel · 04/10/2022 20:44

@Bonnieblueeyes Do you think it is really a numbers game like playing the lotto?

With my dating history, most definitely!

I never ever thought I'd meet a man like my husband and I do feel like I've won the lottery.

It really is a case of right time, right place.

Goatbilly · 04/10/2022 21:22

I also agree that meeting someone is a case of luck and timing, but I also feel for a lot of people they have a desire to be married for example, and they will keep going/looking for someone who will 'fit' this criteria, and they somehow do manage to meet someone to marry.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't have any 'relationship aspirations' and I feel it's more difficult to navigate dating now than it was before (where there were clear 'goals' like cohabitating/marriage/children), even though it's meant to be easier now?!

Original poster
davrospatel · 04/10/2022 21:33

@Goatbilly When i see a lot of relationships though i do think thank goodness i am single. My Gran was married for 60 years and she would tell everyone else it was happy however they couldn't stand each other. He had an affair and i think she made him suffer for it ever since his death 3 years ago. They should of divorced but she didn't believe in divorce. Better to be alone than settle.

OP posts:
PushkaMcgee · 04/10/2022 21:34

@davrospatel I've set my maximum distance at 45 miles but I think a lot is dependant on where you live. I'm on the outskirts of a city, so that 45 miles could be all motorway so much less than an hour, or through country roads about 90 minutes. I try and find out where they live as quickly as possible as anything more than an hour is a no-go for me. I think your 30 miles is a good distance.

btw I'm only on the free Tinder. I figure whats the point in paying, you'll get to know who has swiped right on you but chances are you will have already swiped left on them! I think some people are just very slow responders or just flipping lazy! It really is a numbers game with a shednload of luck thrown in too!