Dating new guy

[talktalk12]

I have been on three dates with a guy I really, really like. He can be very slow replying to texts, but other times quick. We haven't talked all weekend, and he is travelling today and tomorrow. I sent him a funny message tonight, and he's been on WhatsApp but hasn't read or replied to my message for a couple of hours. Is this a sign he's not that hot for me? I become anxious around people I really like. So not sure - should I be worried or not?

It hasn't even been long OP and he's already falling short of your expectations. I'd say it's not looking good.

I'm newly back in the dating world too OP and honestly I feel the whole "when should I text/why hasn't he text yet" is really difficult to handle!

I've been looking talking to a guy for around 4 months and we've communicated at least once every day. There have been some days when I haven't heard from him until evening or night time and that has made me anxious.

It's difficult to say without knowing him but it only takes a minute to read and quickly respond to a message, even a little emoji or something to let you know he's seen it.

So he finally replied to my joke. But that’s it. No apology or anything. No mention that he’s back. Hasn’t asked me a question. So I think he’s just being polite and I’ll leave it there and won’t reply. 🤷‍♀️

Don't take it personally OP and don't be surprised if after you don't reply he suddenly gets talkative.guys like this are a farce. Onwards and upwards.

@talktalk12 - don't respond at all.

@Forfrigz - I really still don't understand why some guys do that? Why do they get chatty and bombard you with messages whenever you don't respond?!

Because receiving attention from you boosts their ego and when they see you're not giving them any they want it again. Pathetic, really.

@Forfrigz - it is pathetic yes. Currently experiencing this from a 34 year old man.

Now that I have ignored he has sent me a recording of him playing the guitar and also saying he hopes I haven't ghosted for someone more handsome. He likes referring to himself as handsome ( in fairness he is very, very good looking)

Honestly some of these guys really are something else.

I’m feeling a bit bummed 🤷‍♀️
I don’t think he’s feeling it but he’s a nice guy so has responded to not be rude
I’d rather he just read my msgs and not responded 😂
The thought of him thinking ‘oh dear I hope she gets the hint and doesn’t msg again’ 🙈

What everyone needs to remember is that especially in the beginning of a relationship, if things aren't going very VERY well, it's not worth it. You will be happier alone without having to second guess everything until you find someone willing to match your energy.

Please don't feel down about it, you've done nothing wrong. Carry on being you and making time for the things you enjoy ❤️

@talktalk12 - that's understandable but try not to.

So many of these guys act the same. I don't get it either , I think many girls don't.

You will feel better if you just don't reply, rather than if you do reply and then him potentially being off/taking ages to reply again

Yes don’t reply. It takes two seconds to reply. It’s not like he is texting his mum - it’s to someone he supposedly wants a relationship with so should be keen and responsive.

Sadly I couldn’t resist the urge to reply, I know I shouldn’t have. Oh well, it’s done, and this is going nowhere, so no point dwelling. It’s over for me now. I won’t reply to his next msgs - I’m sure he will take another 24-48 hours 🙄

@talktalk12 - oh well. But I would not be replying again if you get a response...

He took ages and you responded super fast ...

I would just take ages next time or don't reply!

OhHenry Yes because I don't play games, and I am busy all day tomorrow. But it's done for me, it wasn't so much the length of time that's finalised it for me, it's the lack of keeping the conversation going. Oh well. Will move on.

Of course you’ll reply to his next message if he sends one, please at least be honest with yourself.

@talktalk12 - yea I know. I don't mean it as a criticism of you. I've done that before, and thought ' no I'm not playing games, I'm just going to be me and respond naturally' it has always bloody backfired!

It's frustrating

OhHenry indirect rejection stings 😂 and he was so keen in the beginning! 🤷‍♀️

@talktalk12 - oh I know. It stings BIG TIME.

Yea I've had before, they are the keen ones then they ghost or ditch you for someone else.

It's a complete head f**k. I do sometimes feel I would be better off single...but everyone I know is paired off!

Being in a relationship is pushed so much on women and I think that's part of the problem!

OLD is soul destroying. There are so many "options" for people now that I feel that a lot of folk forget it's a living human beings they're treating like a commodity.

I did OLD for about 3 years, had some nice dates but on the whole I found men either wanted one thing, flaked out and cancelled last minute or just couldn't hold a conversation. In the end I deleted them all as I wasn't getting anywhere, was putting too much energy into strangers and it was affecting my mental health.

I also did speed dating and found that fun. You can get a much better feel for someone in person. Personally I find it hard to fancy someone from a photo.

My NY resolution for 2020 was to stop actively looking and at 11.30pm on NYE 2019 I got a message from an old school friend I'd dated in year 1 🤣 in response to a Facebook post. We're getting married in 3 months!

I know is a huge cliché but I do think it's more likely to happen when you least expect it and when you start working on yourself and doing things for you.

@Laurdo

OLD is soul destroying

Why would you give it access to your soul? It's just a way of meeting people for coffee to see if you like them.

People take it so seriously. Lighten up.

Ever had 10 dates cancelled in a row? Some of which when you've just finished getting ready or got on the train? Some of which weren't even properly cancelled but just ghosted. Passed up plans with friends for a date that doesn't show up? Go for coffee with a someone you thought was actually decent for them to invite you back to there's after an hour.

It's easy to say don't take it seriously but being continuously messed around and let down can be draining for some people. It's great that you don't let it get to you. Well done you.

Ever had 10 dates cancelled in a row? Some of which when you've just finished getting ready or got on the train? Some of which weren't even properly cancelled but just ghosted. Passed up plans with friends for a date that doesn't show up? Go for coffee with a someone you thought was actually decent for them to invite you back to there's after an hour

Sounds like a living hell. No adult human could ever survive such torture without becoming bitter. I'm sorry, I didn't understand what horrors you'd suffered...

So we have exchanged 1-2 messages a day this week. He had a really hard work trip, he told me. His messages were longer and more engaging yesterday, and he paid me a subtle compliment, now he's back. But he still hasn't asked me out again. I can't tell if he's just being polite, or interested but busy? I've always had the impression if a guy is interested, he would waste no time asking you out on another date.

Of course men worry about this - with women they care about and love. The ones who don't are the emotionally unavailable/not into you ones, because they don't care about you.

With my ex, in the early days, I went on hols once for a few days with poor signal. So couldn't reply to a message he sent until 48 hours later. He later told me that he spent the 48 hours worrying I'd gone off him as wasn't aware of the signal issue.

Current DP - says he always knows I'm upset with him if I take longer that normal to reply, and it then plays on his mind.

So if a man is unbothered and not angst ridden, he isn't keen or emotionally avoidant in general. Either way, not the right one for you.