Is this divorce -worthy?

[Trolleydolly123]

Hi seeking perspective on this please...

So over recent weeks i have become increasingly unable to tolerate my DP and his 'helping' me to drive. Essentially every journey if I drive is FULL of relentless 'advice' about when to stop, go, pull out ,pull in, change gear, where to park, how to park etc. It drives me mad.
I have raised this many times before and if has preceeded many arguments, my two issues with this are 1) being told how to drive (im a very good driver) 2) the arguments when I say do not do this.
Genuinely at the point of being done and divorcing. Is this OTT?

It wouldn’t be for me. I hate peoples interfering and telling me where lm allegedly going wrong. If he’s such an amazing driver, then why isn’t he driving all the time?

Sorry meant would -not wouldn’t

This sounds immensely irritating. Does he understand how close you are to divorcing him?

He does drive a lot but im not going to stop driving or do it less because of him.
Yes understands but apparently 'cant help it' and doesnt see the issue.

I think not being able to "see the issue" is the major concern here. Why isn't he listening to you? Is he always like this? 🤔

Dh was not this bad but bad enough "breaking for me on the passenger side 200 meters before needing etc)

I started refusing to drive him anywhere. Told him he was ab awful passenger and I would not drive him. I was vocal about why. And it pissed him off but over the 2 years he realised I was serious. I have slowly started driving him again he now sits mostly in the back if one of our young adult children are with us and he has learned to not comment. He still "breaks' 'for' me. 🙄

@Arrivederla exactly that! Thats the biggest part for me really, the irritation when in the car is huge but the secondary problem.
Yes often like that but not malicious more blind ignorance/utter lack of awareness really.

He used to do a lot of grabbimg things, braking, dramatic sighs and sounds etc telling me HOW CLOSE things were and after losing my absolute shit over it big time thats stopped, but its been replaced with 'guidance'
For the record, ive driven for 20 years with NO INCIDENTS all over the uk and europe and hundreds of miles a week for work, can drive anywhere no bother and park like a boss, ive had speeding points twice in the very distant past but literally I can drive fine so his behaviours are totally totally unfounded.

Oh God I have a husband who brakes too. And makes a point of checking my mirrors as I pull away. The worst fight we ever had in front of our kids was about him commentating on my parking. I literally left him to walk home from the next town along because I couldn't bear to have him in the car anymore. I really feel your pain. It's the complete lack of trust and acceptance that you are as safe and competent a driver as he is. And yet he has no qualms with me driving the children around. 🤷‍♀️

Yes exactly @Nightynightnight I just find it totally rude and disrespetcful that he thinks he needs to comment and also that he thinks its ok. When challenged he says 'i think you are great at driving' which is completley at odds with his behaviour. It seems like such a small thing but I literally cannot stand it anymore and refuse to change my driving frequency because of it.

Just don't drive him anywhere until he learns how to behave.
A new relationship wouldn't get started based on this, but a long term one? Well it's odd if he wasn't like this to start with and it's come out of the blue, if that's the case I'd wonder what's behind the change - anxiety driven perhaps? Or controlling?

I'd tell him to shut up and back off... or even pull over, breaking suddenly tell him to get out the car if he can't stop being a back seat driver.

His constant comments/criticism are a major distraction.

Its not new behaviour its been a few years, i think it just crept up and now I am hyper alert to it and all tolerance has gone!

Stop the car and tell him to get out and walk, then never let him come anywhere with you again.

Is it your car or his?

I would pull over and tell him the car isn’t going any further unless he stops. If you pull away and he starts again then repeat ad nauseum until he gets the message, even if it makes you late for things

Don’t drive with him in the car again
Then critique every aspect of his driving as he does yours. When - and he will - he loses his shit say “but I think you’re a good driver,” then smile

does he put his hand on the dashboard when you approach a junction / roundabout/ set off / turn the ignition on ? That used to drive me mad with my ex alone with the mirror checking. Fuckwit

I have this OP! I’ve never had an accident or even a speeding ticket, he’s made several serious driving mistakes and routinely speeds, yet when I drive he’s always telling me to go slower (or faster) or sighing or muttering “Jesus!” the worst is when I have satnav on, he always picks it up, turns itnoff, and starts directing me with bad too ladt minute directions which take us on to a ‘better route’ that eg takes me into a busy motorway at 5pm and then he sulks cos we hit traffic.

It’s the only least-sexy behaviour eh. I mostly try to get out of driving if he’s in the car ☹️

What he is doing is not safe- he is distracting the driver (you) so they are not able to concentrate. Can you make him sit in the rear seats until he is able to behave like an adult?

a reminder when too many people are at the controls..appreciate it is a boat, not a car, but the principle is the same.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-25948960

@Sooverthisnow I think you are right, I need to do this at every single point.

Its equally my car and his car.

once when we were driving abroad my ex (who had refused to drive because he didn't feel confident) put his hand THROUGH the steering wheel to turn the headlights on because he thought I had forgotten to do it. The temptation to yank the wheel to the right and break his arm was huge...but I resisted. As you might imagine this was just the tip of the iceberg...

OP tell your husband he either shuts up or gets out...or he can walk permanently!

He is feeling a lack of control while you're driving, OP. Is he controlling in other areas of your life?

@northerncrumpet thats exactly the thing that could happen to me. I drive abroad because he cant/wont whatever.

Yes I think its lack of control and generally being mildly nuerotic. I told him its based in mysogyny because he wouldnt do it to a man, he was highly offended but I maintain thats a part.

I'd have done with it and bury him under the patio. But I've never been good with being told what to do.

Oh God I have a husband who brakes too.
Maybe he's not braking, just bracing himself (not necessarily for impact)? That's a perfectly natural thing to do as a passenger when you think the driver is about to brake.

As for the comments/advice, I'd respond with a "why?" every time. If he can explain his thinking then maybe you can discuss/argue it out!

Consider doing an advanced driving course (or buying him one for Christmas, although that might backfire!).