If you found yourself single in your 40s…..

[WinneyWasherWoman]

Were you pleasantly surprised or disappointed in the interest you got from decent men?

In my 20s when I was dating, I guess I had a pretty clear idea of what “league” I was in when it came to my attractiveness, as a whole package not just looks.

But now I wouldn’t have a clue.

I think it depends on what you are looking for and whether you have children or not, but you are unlikely to attract the same interest as in your 20s simply because the dating pool is definitely a shallow puddle.

Good looks will attract male attention even in your 40s if you are looking for a casual relationship. Finding a serious relationship can prove more difficult if you are looking to start a family or blend a family with someone around your age for a whole host of reasons - very few people in their 40s are single so finding someone compatible around your age can be a matter of good luck and timing.

I personally don’t know anyone who has been pleasantly surprised by male interest in their 40s, as everyone I know would probably classify this age as the most difficult time of their dating life, so looking to hear some positive stories from others!

I personally don’t know anyone who has been pleasantly surprised by male interest in their 40s, as everyone I know would probably classify this age as the most difficult time of their dating life, so looking to hear some positive stories from others!

I've read posters on here say that 40s was easier in many ways than mid to late 30s because (if they didn't have kids yet) men of all ages assumed they had baby fever and were urgently desperately looking for a partner/husband and baby daddy. Whereas many men assume a 40s woman is past it for that and it will be a fun laid-back no pressure child free relationship, or a fun, laid back, not much free time single mother relationship.

But def the pool of people still single up to 40 are mostly decimated by eg early to mid 40s so numbers is a factor

I became single at 45 and decided to start dating at 47. It was absolutely awful, on the plus side I became very good at spotting bad matches. And if I'd wanted a 20-30 yr old or one night stands it would have been perfect... I gave up once I hit 50, I'm 56 in a couple of weeks and still single.

I dated a lot in my 20's, got married, got divorced and stayed single most of my 30's. Added a bit of weight on so assumed I needed to 'lower my standards' somewhat in my 40's. Turns out the person I am in my 40's is a more attractive package to some and I met the love of my life then. It can happen.

I was 39 and went on tinder. I have two children and got quite a bit of attention especially from men around the 28/29 mark. My boyfriend is 30 who I met on tinder and now been dating for about 2 years. He’s attractive and got his shit together

I had a blast!

it's definitely not as easy to pull in terms of conventional physical attractiveness to men (which doesn't allow for wrinkles etc.)

But I think I can spot wrong'uns more quickly (especially as I did the Freedom Programme and am religious so no tolerance for sleaziness) so don't waste my time on them.

Mid-40s and been single for nearly 5 years. I’ve taken care of my appearance and look good. I’m yet to meet a decent and honest guy in his 40s. I gave up OLD months ago. I’m unwilling to lower my standards. I’ve accepted I’ll probably be alone and am no longer to willing to put myself out there for dating purposes. If I meet someone, great. If not, whatever.

I stayed purposely single for most of my 40's, I had a young child to focus on and a career.

And the fact that OLD is shite and women who are both single and childless are the happiest.

Anyway, late 40's I met someone who I really love but if I hadn't would I have tried dating again? No. I'm happy being single, which is probably why I would never compromise to be with anyone even a tiny bit crap.

If you want a serious relationship with a guy of a similar age who has got his shit together - nope. They are rare as hens teeth and the rare few that do exist are all dating women 10 years younger. I've completely given up, accepted that I'm going to grow old alone, and make plans accordingly. Mainly I make sure I'm really well connected & active within my local community, put effort into maintaining friendships, have lots of hobbies, and try to live as healthy as possible. When I look at my friends in relationships I'm often convinced I've ended up with the better deal...

How far into 40s?

I've found late 30s / early 40s a funny age for dating.

I started dating again following a divorce in my early 40s. It came as a massive disappointment especially in the bedroom department, they were either inept, lazy or couldn’t get it up.

OLD was the pits. Lots of liars, losers and men with issues (angry, bitter, love bombing). Just dreadful.

I did end up meeting a perfect chap through a hobby group. They do exist but are bloody hard to find!

Interesting isn’t it. If a woman posts on here about a marriage that’s say lacking sex or something but not otherwise unpleasant she’s often told to end it. But seems like reality is she may end up single, or getting sex from dodgy men online but not meeting a decent man.

(caveat - appreciate if relationship abusive or absolutely terrible being single is a much better option. But if marriage is just unsatisfying I’ve seen women being told to leave, even though it could leave them much worse off in many respects)

I left my marriage 2 years ago and met a single guy no kids a little younger than me almost straight away on Tinder. I was 47. It’s an interesting one as I think I got lucky in many ways meeting him but what I want now, financially fairly comfortable & having had my kids is probably quite different what I’d have been looking for my late 20s.

we do bring both our sets of issues (he can be emotionally shut down from time to time - there’s a reason why he has only had one significant relationship by the age of 45) - and I can be very sensitive to physical distance because of my previous sexless marriage. But overall it works and we support & love each other. It can be the luck of the draw I guess.

.... very few people in their 40s are single so finding someone compatible around your age can be a matter of good luck and timing.

Not sure how true this is. It's pretty common time to separate once children are older.

I receive literally no interest from men, decent or otherwise!

I'm in my early 50s. And single 2 years, not really looking for anything more than occasional company, but I've found that fairly easily.

I have quite a few perfectly nice men I could invite for a night out (or see as part of a group) but no one I'd want to spend loads of time with.

I find men are either funny or kind or intelligent or solvent or interesting or can dance, rarely all of them 😆

48 single for two and a bit years, and dated a fair bit. I'm overweight but attractive in a chubby way, well educated and interesting I suppose... Not had an issue with getting dates. Currently seeing someone who I just clicked with. Sure, life is more complicated when you are balancing work and families on both sides and exes, but so far so good. And we met on Tinder!

I find it hopeless...all the nice men who want to be attached have self-selected out of the dating pool by your forties.

That leaves you with the really old ones with silver ponytails openly looking for 'erotic adventures' (so aren't interested if you've got kids), or the much younger ones who have watched too much porn and want an 'older woman' experience.

I've given up.

I separated from exDH at 44 and didn’t experience problems with dating and meeting people.

I found the pool quite deep because 40-50 is peak divorce time I think. Many people in their thirties are still in their marriages and partnerships. I’m glad I didn’t divorce at 33.

My colleague is 59 and says that single men in her age group are thin on the ground - they’re either 30 years married, or they got divorced a decade earlier and are now remarried or coupled-up.

Lots of early seventies+ singletons for obvious reasons. Many of my friends’ widowed parents (80ish) have companions/special friends (their words not mine, I’d call them boyfriends and girlfriends or partners!) None of them seems to have struggled to find a relationship. They tend to have met through interests or friends.

So, I think that 40s is an ok age to be dating. I met my DP through friends (we already kind of knew each other) and my divorced friends all met decent men or women, often leading to something serious. One pair is marrying this weekend.

I divorced in my early 30s. I find that it’s always prime time dating. Same overwhelming options of mostly throw backs I had in my 20s. I do live in a city, so I think where you live and economic/educational/professional background also play a part. Looks? Maybe, but not as much as where you live and such.

id agree with @Trees6 that it could be worse in the 30s though. Just depends on the above factors.

I am reading with interest, although am early 50s! About to hit the single market whenever I can get regular childcare…

However it’s hard not to be cynical as the ‘fantastic man’ I met last time I dated turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing and I had my fingers burnt.

After a slow start I had a ball in my early 40s and found myself getting really attractive men of all ages, couldn’t believe it! I found loads of lovely men, it took a massive amount of effort on my part, I was super social. Just gutted the lovely man - intelligent, good looking, caring, kind, funny… was actually never off OLD even after we had a child… his midwife crisis didn’t stop with me unfortunately. He is well and truly after a woman much younger now… and I do feel quite left high and dry at the much harder age of 50.

Truly though those wolves were the same or worse when you were younger. Now you have the experience to see them more and more for what they are.

these men wish for younger women, and come on…. We know younger men look better to us as well… most of these men aren’t trying to make fools of themselves though.,.. it it’s really the dullards who are so sad that you’d never in all honesty want them anyway.

The man that you unfortunately spent time on was unworthy of it. He is unworthy of the young women he old man lusts for as well.

He is a mistake and a waste of time. Don’t let him touch anything else of you and your life story arch. Men love to tell women how washed up and no body will want us yet..l can say that is a lie and that it is they who are unwanted. They have to lie and spend just to get a toe into the door. So many lie about age and height on OLD!!, they know they aren’t up to it!

My dear lady you are more powerful than you know and it will be loads of toads in the search but have fun and hold ruthlessly to your standards. Far better than growing old with some waste of a lump farting up the bed, complaining about your cooking, pissing all over the bathroom, and making your life less fun. Because that’s what a huge amount end up doing. You are the prize.

Men get so more more than women in relationships it’s unreal, yet they spin it like it’s the other way round. Absolutely astounding once you see it all for what it is.

wishing you all the luck! 👑

I know plenty of divorced women in their 40s and 50s and the majority are now in new relationships, getting engaged and married in some cases. Many with another woman.

Others are always dating/cycling through short relationships and there's a good chunk who seem to be permanently on their own. There doesn't seem to be anything obviously different about each group (apart from the bisexual thing!).

Personally, I did find the love of my life after a couple of years single in my mid 40s, but I hadn't had much other interest, which came as a rude shock after beating them off with a stick in my 20s.

You have made my night because this is true at all the ages! So freakin true!!!

made me flashback to this star football player (American football) I dated. We hung out one night at his place and he had wine and jazz on. Could not tell me or even have a conversation about either thing. I left, demurring his physical overtures because it turned me off that bad that he said he was I to things he didn’t even have passing knowledge or curiosity about. Later I let him escort me to a party where he danced and I couldn’t believe it. So much confidence! So much cringe!

Bet he has a beautiful wife and beautiful children with a bevy of mistresses by now…. But couldn’t be me. He just could not get enough boxes checked to even be able to be in my steady rotation !!!

Good for you @Explaintome ! You know what is up!