I was right wasn't I?

[Xmasballs101]

Hi all bf of 10 months talked about me being the one etc, gradually started to get colder with me I could feel it happening he denied it. Says he's job is so heavy he doesn't really think it's fair to me that he can't see me that often. He may work 12 hours or more per day, he would always be on the phone, he would say "we will find a way to make it work" He lives an hour away. Lately he keeps saying to me "I don't want to break up but....i can't see a way to be with you as I work so many hours" taking that as he doesn't want me, earlier in the relationship we talked about solutions to this moving houses etc but no he just stops at that. Less effort in dating, hod and cold on the phone, and last night he came to me house and told me "I don't want to loose you but I'm starting a new job and I don't know if I can see you" I'm so confused, was so confused, I told him if he was serious about me he wouldn't be thinking of breaking up, we have this conversation every weekend it's giving me awful anxiety wondering whether he wants me or not. So last night he left and I blocked him everywhere, I don't need this uncertainty from him. It's just confusing as he will still say I don't want to break up..... So I did it for him... Tell me I'm right please

You are right.
Loads of people who work long hours or have demanding jobs are also in committed relationships - because they want to be, and as you said, they make it work.
Don't hold on to what he said in the early days, hard as that is to let go.
You've made the right decision.

Yeah, you were right. Well done for acting on it in a way that will be best for you.

Absolutely right. Well done for being so strong and taking control.

You're right, be the stronger person. You don't need to be messed about!

You were, and remain, absolutely right. Choose to be your own top priority and don't be messed around 👍

Thanks everyone but why is he saying "I don't want to break up" yet offering no solution I just don't get it, I guess that's why I hung on, really liked him too, more fool me!

He’s saying that so you’ll dump him and he won’t have to feel bad about it.

if he was interested, he’d make it work.

Sounds like a dodged bullet - find a man with cojones next time. X

As PP have said, if he was that interested, he’d make it work. This is also a lesson in the fact that talk is cheap: what people do counts for a lot more than what they say. Well done you for ending this rather than letting him keep you dangling.

My husband is like this - tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but sometimes goes cold and distant for no reason and we have discussions about splitting up. It goes round and round in circles every month or so and it has destroyed my self esteem and I’m an anxious wreck. Don’t let him do the same to you. It will be very upsetting to lose him initially but you will eventually realise how much better off you are without him. Once I’ve sorted my finances out I’ll be leaving my husband

My guess is he lied about you being "the only one".

Hi Montana, I actually found myself going to the GP for anti anxiety meds, when I blocked him last night I woke up this morning feeling great and realise I don't need them! It drove me mad feeling on shaky ground whether I had a future with him or not...... I can't take it anymore tbh and when I think of it he wasn't even a great catch... More of I just wanted him to want me, anyway it will be hard I do miss him he was ticking all the boxes for me I'd have married him had he asked but now I see his feelings for me were fake which hurts too but boy... Talk about lessons

Hmmm he seemed really keen then gradually got colder.... I do wonder if he met somebody else

He is saying “I don’t want to break up…. But unfortunately we are going to have to”. He’s trying to let you down gently, in a really cowardly way so you end it and he doesn’t need to feel like the bad guy.

Well done for ripping the bandaid off.

You are so right and I applaud you. 👏 MN is full of women posting "what should I do question" and it is always great to see the ones that actually recognize the behavior right away and do the right thing without hesitation. My ex was like this for me, so emotionally unavailable and so much more. When we were dating I would break up with him and he would just say "ok" and do nothing at all until I reach out to him again and he just comes back to me. I would sit there wondering wtf is going on, does he not have an opinion on the matter, does he want to be with me or not? Why in the world did I ended up marrying this man I will never understand but I spent more then two decades with him until I finally worked up a courage to break up with him for good, he drove me mad in the process. Kudos to you my friend! Just do me a favor, do not spend another second of your precious life thinking about this man. Live, love, laugh! That is how the life should be lived.💕

Well done! You have done exactly the right thing and your lack of anxiety this morning is all the proof you need x

Mumnetters as I said I blocked last night, I'm sad bit I'm happy with that, twice today he tried to ring me (can see blocked num attempt to call) why? Thus is what I don't understand

He's ringing because you called his bluff and took the high road...and now he's got nothing to string along. You were fine as an option when he could be bothered, with the eternal get out clause "I'm working" whenever he had better plans.

There's nothing to understand, you absolutely did the right thing, onwards and upwards, certainly not backwards.

why is he saying "I don't want to break up" yet offering no solution

He was saying 'I don't want to break up, but ' i.e. giving excuses to break up with you.

You definitely did the right thing OP, he was going to dump you soon anyway. This way you'll feel better than you would've felt when you were dumped.

I don’t agree with this, but I also don’t understand the blocking without talking. Seems like needless drama. I would have just told him this doesn’t work for you, you understand it is too hard, and best you split.

Needy nasty person?? I don’t think it’s appropriate to use those words at all. Your reply is appalling

This was the conversation for the last few weekends he isn't willing to suggest anything to stay together I suggested future plans, sleeping over at weekends to get time together and maybe eventually moving closer or together, he didn't consider these, so if he's saying I don't want to break up but I don't know how to work it what would you say after trying to give solutions he's not interested in? I'm curious for your reply

The blocking without talking.... I guess I saw this as a massive insult him trying to break up with me but pussyfooting around it, I blocked because I was hurt and I do not want to repeat the cycle as normally he would call me and act like nothing had happened. I am sticking to the belief if a man wants to be with you nothing will stop him

I think you absolutely made the right decision and sounds like he has been messing with your head for a little while now. But I also do not understand the blocking rather than speaking to him. Surely after ten months you can say to somebody “this isn’t working out”. It would have shown a bit more dignity and been a bit less chidlish.

Block and run op. You don’t owe this man anything. He didn’t want you and was the one playing games. Well done and stay strong