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Original poster

I was right wasn't I?

38 replies

Xmasballs101 · 02/10/2022 16:39

Hi all bf of 10 months talked about me being the one etc, gradually started to get colder with me I could feel it happening he denied it. Says he's job is so heavy he doesn't really think it's fair to me that he can't see me that often. He may work 12 hours or more per day, he would always be on the phone, he would say "we will find a way to make it work" He lives an hour away. Lately he keeps saying to me "I don't want to break up but....i can't see a way to be with you as I work so many hours" taking that as he doesn't want me, earlier in the relationship we talked about solutions to this moving houses etc but no he just stops at that. Less effort in dating, hod and cold on the phone, and last night he came to me house and told me "I don't want to loose you but I'm starting a new job and I don't know if I can see you" I'm so confused, was so confused, I told him if he was serious about me he wouldn't be thinking of breaking up, we have this conversation every weekend it's giving me awful anxiety wondering whether he wants me or not. So last night he left and I blocked him everywhere, I don't need this uncertainty from him. It's just confusing as he will still say I don't want to break up..... So I did it for him... Tell me I'm right please

OP posts:
blisstwins · 03/10/2022 02:47

Xmasballs101 · 02/10/2022 21:03

The blocking without talking.... I guess I saw this as a massive insult him trying to break up with me but pussyfooting around it, I blocked because I was hurt and I do not want to repeat the cycle as normally he would call me and act like nothing had happened. I am sticking to the belief if a man wants to be with you nothing will stop him

Show quote history

You are right. If you had already talked plenty and he was just messing you around then you saved yourself being gaslit. I hope I did not add to making your feel bad at a tough time. You deserve better.

HippeePrincess · 03/10/2022 04:11

Reading between the lines a bit here but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the other woman, I’d get an sti check up and keep him blocked!

rwalker · 03/10/2022 06:31

It might well genuinely be the case and what he was saying is true
but tbh that’s irrelevant you want more than he’s offering so it’s not going to work

GreyCarpet · 03/10/2022 07:06

rwalker · 03/10/2022 06:31

It might well genuinely be the case and what he was saying is true
but tbh that’s irrelevant you want more than he’s offering so it’s not going to work

This.

Tbh, I work in a demanding job that requires long hours. At the end of a long day (at busy times of year these can be 14 hours), I just don't have the energy for anything more than getting home, eating something easy and falling into bed.

It wouldn't matter how much I wanted to be with someone, I just couldn't make a relationship with someone who lived an hour away work and I wouldn't be uprooting my life for someone I'd only been dating for 10 months.

The replies that say if he loved you he'd find a way to make it work or you should be his priority are unrealistic. Of course, maybe he isn't interested but it's overly simplistic to suggest he's lying or doesn't care.

I've ended relationships where the man just doesn't understand that I can't see them more than I do, no matter how much I like them, because I also need to pay my bills and, to keep job, I actually have to do it!

TellySavalashairbrush · 03/10/2022 07:18

Well done you. There is a great quote that says ‘don’t make someone your priority when to them you are just an option.
all the very best to you.

Original poster
Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 09:41

This ^^ this is exactly what he is saying.... But I suppose my past issues with men lying etc is making me think he is just saying this to end it with me, but all the points you made are completely valid, thanks for your prospective from the other side of things.... But this is where I say if you love someone can't you try to make it work rather than just break it off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 09:42

Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 09:41

This ^^ this is exactly what he is saying.... But I suppose my past issues with men lying etc is making me think he is just saying this to end it with me, but all the points you made are completely valid, thanks for your prospective from the other side of things.... But this is where I say if you love someone can't you try to make it work rather than just break it off?

Sorry this in in reply to greycarpet

OP posts:
stickynoter · 03/10/2022 09:52

Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 09:41

This ^^ this is exactly what he is saying.... But I suppose my past issues with men lying etc is making me think he is just saying this to end it with me, but all the points you made are completely valid, thanks for your prospective from the other side of things.... But this is where I say if you love someone can't you try to make it work rather than just break it off?

Exactly this. I understand what @GreyCarpet is saying and my DPs jobs can be like this at certain times of the year.
However, at the points where he's extremely busy and working 14 hours a day he goes out his way to provide extra reassurance that he's interested and can't physically see me but would love to of he could.

If the guy had explained it the way @GreyCarpet has, OP might not be feeling this way. It's that fact that he's basically said "I'm too busy so maybe we should end it" that would have me running a mile.

Coincidently, it's not healthy to be working so much for a sustained period of time. I can do it and can accept my DP does it from time to time. However if he is so obsessed with work he never has time for anything else in his life it would be a massive red flag to me.

I work to live so if I had a DP who lived to work, we wouldn't be compatible

Original poster
Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 10:00

@stickynoter... Thank you, you can see exactly where I am coming from! I understand how he is working and he would always be on the phone telling me he misses me etc, silly as it is that's enough for me knowing he can't see me but wants to but now I think he is feeling guilty because he's not giving me enough time, he has been in touch since and keeps saying he does not want to break up, he's trying for a different job for less hours

OP posts:
stickynoter · 03/10/2022 12:58

Xmasballs101 · 03/10/2022 10:00

@stickynoter... Thank you, you can see exactly where I am coming from! I understand how he is working and he would always be on the phone telling me he misses me etc, silly as it is that's enough for me knowing he can't see me but wants to but now I think he is feeling guilty because he's not giving me enough time, he has been in touch since and keeps saying he does not want to break up, he's trying for a different job for less hours

It's such a hard one to get your head round! If he doesn't want to break up, why did he suggest breaking up?!

Unless it was the pressure of feeling he had to fit you in that was stressing him. However I wouldn't like that either to be honest as you want someone excited to see you!

KettrickenSmiled · 03/10/2022 14:38

You are 100% right & he is a gameplaying fool who has lost you.

Well done OP.
Now - chin up, & book yourself some fun, make sure you have a few events, treats, & self-nurturing activites to look forward to. No matter how big or how small - just focus on doing what you enjoy while you get past the inevitable, but passing, sadness of a break-up.

Flowers
KettrickenSmiled · 03/10/2022 14:42

he has been in touch since and keeps saying he does not want to break up, he's trying for a different job for less hours

lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

Riiiight ...
& even if it's true about his job - it was FINE to fuck you about with excuses about his work when it was only YOU who was upset by it. But now it's negatively affected him, he reckons it's worth doing something about?

Fuck that for a selfish line of reasoning.
Also - I don;t think it's true. And even if it is, & he miraculously finds a way to support himself on fewer hours because he realises he fucked up - how long before he's back to his old habit? The habit he has of TELLING you one thing, but DOING a completely different thing?

This geezer's words just don't match his actions.
Don't let him Hoover you OP. Certainly not for empty words & fake promises.

Opentooffers · 03/10/2022 15:27

What he's saying now is in contradiction to what he said before "I'm starting a new job with less hours" vs " I'm starting a new job so won't be able to see you" - so which is it? He's been training you to accept crumbs, you've been strong enough to not accept them. Now he's just messing with the truth of it - which is possibly that he likes a girl on theback-burner while he goes and does his own thing.
You should block him totally so he can't mess with your head, and delete unknown messages without reading.

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