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Original poster

If you know someone in prison

55 replies

Orangecrate · 02/10/2022 15:50

Preparing to write my first letter to a friend in prison. I have no idea what to say. I don’t condone their crimes at all but I am worried about their mental health of being isolated so suddenly and I need to talk to them for closure.

where do I even begin?
TIA

OP posts:
LuckyLil · 02/10/2022 16:05

Depends why they are in prison. If it's something they deserve to be inside for then I wouldn't be writing anything. Then of course you need to consider that if it was some sort of extensive serious organised crime with lots of people involved then you might mark yourself out as an associate by writing to him and draw attention to yourself with any further investigations.

mrsbrightside1308 · 02/10/2022 16:08

My uncle was in prison.i started by asking how they were and then basically filling the letter with news from the family, upcoming events.basically just write as you would normally talk to them.i think just letting them know you are thinking about them will be a huge relief and will make all the difference.

victoriacrosshairs · 02/10/2022 16:09

Why do you need closure?

Original poster
Orangecrate · 02/10/2022 16:13

Of course they deserve to be inside, they committed a crime but that doesn’t mean I stop caring about the person just because I don’t condone what they’ve done. They are paying time for their crime but I don’t believe in the mental torture of being isolated so I will be contacting them once my find a prisoner request has been processed.

OP posts:
Smileeriley · 02/10/2022 16:14

Ignore the first poster and go with the advice of the second.

BigglyBee · 02/10/2022 16:20

I strongly suspect that it won't matter too much what you write, so long as you write. They will probably be grateful that you are still in touch, and eager to hear about ordinary, everyday things. I probably wouldn't mention their crime, at least for the time being.
I think it's important to remember that they are already being punished, so you don't need to be part of that. That isn't condoning whatever it is that they did, but I don't believe that isolating offenders from friends and family does anything to help them change their behaviour after they have served their time.

Tuilpmouse · 02/10/2022 16:21

Depends why they are in prison. If it's something they deserve to be inside for then I wouldn't be writing anything.

If you get sent to prison, you generally deserve to be! Doesn't necessarily mean they are so "evil" you can't even write to them.

Sarahcoggles · 02/10/2022 16:26

When you say closure, is this the last time you're going to have contact with them? Is this letter to say you won't be contacting them again?

OldTinHat · 02/10/2022 16:54

Why do you feel the need to write to them? Is it because you care about their welfare or because you want closure?

You'll never get closure from anyone but yourself.

If its because you care about their welfare, then ask how they are finding things, how are they settling, you're thinking of them.

SmellyNelliey · 02/10/2022 16:54

Its normally emails now,this way you can pay 25p for them to email you back much faster then the royal mail too..just start by asking if there ok? It isnt easy in prison especially when they are just about getting one hot meal a day! Some prisoners now have land lines in the cells so maybe add your number to the letter.
Just to let you know prisoners get out in isolation for 10days when they first arrive due to covid.

LuckyLil · 02/10/2022 17:09

Orangecrate · 02/10/2022 16:13

Of course they deserve to be inside, they committed a crime but that doesn’t mean I stop caring about the person just because I don’t condone what they’ve done. They are paying time for their crime but I don’t believe in the mental torture of being isolated so I will be contacting them once my find a prisoner request has been processed.

Mental torture? Give me a break hun. It's not meant to be a fun filled holiday with new and exciting adventures. I notice you avoid commenting on why he is banged up. Perhaps because you know the response wouldn't be so sympathetic to the poor lamb.

Smileeriley · 02/10/2022 17:58

My x partner was in prison, you couldn't find a nicer person!

MMadness · 02/10/2022 18:25

If you're reaching out only because you need something out of it, don't bother.

I'd not liken it to torture but it's emotionally draining and any type of contact should be consistent and supportive, not geared to your own needs.

Good people fuck up sometimes, it doesn't make them Charles Manson.

Laughingtherapy · 02/10/2022 18:25

Some ppl are a bit harsh. Theres plenty of ppl in prison for daft things and shit like drug problems. Stuff that mostly just fucks their life up. Where as there's plenty of ppl out in the world that do genuinely evil shit like beat their wives and never see the inside of a cell.

Not everyone in prison is a 'bad' person. Plenty who arentbin prison are. I'd count people who think that someone deserves to ge shunned by society for doing anything that lands them in jail, irregardless of the specifics as a pretty poor specimen of a human being tbh. But to each their own.

saraclara · 02/10/2022 18:53

LuckyLil · 02/10/2022 17:09

Mental torture? Give me a break hun. It's not meant to be a fun filled holiday with new and exciting adventures. I notice you avoid commenting on why he is banged up. Perhaps because you know the response wouldn't be so sympathetic to the poor lamb.

Show quote history

Oh give over.

Two of my colleagues.(both women) have been in prison. They're amazing women who have turned their lives around. They are candid and honest about what led them to be imprisoned, and also about what it was like to be there. It was the care and support of others that meant that they were in a position to change their lives on release.
I trust them both implicitly.

cooolio · 02/10/2022 21:04

"It isnt easy in prison especially when they are just about getting one hot meal a day!"

What? Not true.

"Just to let you know prisoners get out in isolation for 10days when they first arrive due to covid."

Huh? Also not true

cooolio · 02/10/2022 21:05

OP, you're worried about their mental health but you're writing a dear John for your own closure?

Just leave it, there's no need.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/10/2022 21:10

"so I will be contacting them once my find a prisoner request has been processed"

So this is a 'friend', but you don't even know where they're incarcerated? If this person was truly a friend and was 'in your life' surely you'd know where they were? This sounds more like 'someone from your past' that for some reason you feel the need to contact for reasons of your own rather than out of concern for their wellbeing.

My advice would be to let sleeping dogs lie.

karmakameleon · 02/10/2022 21:13

AcrossthePond55 · 02/10/2022 21:10

"so I will be contacting them once my find a prisoner request has been processed"

So this is a 'friend', but you don't even know where they're incarcerated? If this person was truly a friend and was 'in your life' surely you'd know where they were? This sounds more like 'someone from your past' that for some reason you feel the need to contact for reasons of your own rather than out of concern for their wellbeing.

My advice would be to let sleeping dogs lie.

When you want to make contact with a prisoner, you’re request is first vetted. The prisoner needs to put you on their contact list and the prison calls you and makes sure you are happy to be contacted. I assume this is what the OP means.

Rogue1001MNer · 02/10/2022 21:14

I used the email a prisoner service.

And I kept it very light and breezy and regular.
Every day or so.
But it was only for a few months that he was incarcerated.
And he was v young

karmakameleon · 02/10/2022 21:15

OP, I did similar to a previous poster. Asked how they were, if they needed me to send them anything and offered news about my life and my family.

Dillydollydingdong · 02/10/2022 21:17

Just general chat, news about the family and what's happening in the outside world. Remember the letter will be read by prison staff before he gets it.

Original poster
Orangecrate · 03/10/2022 00:06

AcrossthePond55 · 02/10/2022 21:10

"so I will be contacting them once my find a prisoner request has been processed"

So this is a 'friend', but you don't even know where they're incarcerated? If this person was truly a friend and was 'in your life' surely you'd know where they were? This sounds more like 'someone from your past' that for some reason you feel the need to contact for reasons of your own rather than out of concern for their wellbeing.

My advice would be to let sleeping dogs lie.

You have to email find a prisoner for their prison number. This person was my very close friend. That doesn’t mean the prison just gives out their prison number to everyone, you have to ask for it and be approved

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangecrate · 03/10/2022 00:07

Also to clarify I meant closure on his arrest/conviction as he kept it secret and I don’t know the facts. I will support them as I do believe they will change themselves around.

OP posts:
LooneyToon · 03/10/2022 00:19

LuckyLil · 02/10/2022 16:05

Depends why they are in prison. If it's something they deserve to be inside for then I wouldn't be writing anything. Then of course you need to consider that if it was some sort of extensive serious organised crime with lots of people involved then you might mark yourself out as an associate by writing to him and draw attention to yourself with any further investigations.

Dont be bloody ridiculous, I doubt OP is part of some major drug trafficking ring requiring high-intell and will be raided tonight because she wrote a letter to a prisoner