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Original poster

Can I ask for some advice please for a first date plan?

64 replies

BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:25

I have my first date on Sunday in 6 years since me and ex dp separated, we’re still best friends for our kids although she moved back abroad, so I just want to know from a woman’s point of view if my idea for a date is acceptable. We found each other online and messages and talking have gone very well.
We’re meeting at 11:30 and I want to take her for a coffee first before going to a nature reserve in Barnes so we can walk and talk to get to know each other during which I hope she’ll feel comfortable in my company. Then I was planning to head back to Kingston where we’ll meet to have a meal probably Thai.
Then possibly a play at the theatre there.
Is it too much?
For a bit of clarity I’m 47 and she’s 44. I’m a tradesman not an executive but she has a much more responsible job (midwife). She’s happy with what I do for a living and has already said she admires me for working hard. Having had 4 DC’s I admire her for what she does a bit more.
In a nutshell is that an Ok idea for a first date because I can’t afford to spend fortunes and she doesn’t expect it anyway? I did ask some of my mates but their answers were a little coarse to say the least.

OP posts:
ProudThrilledHappy · 01/10/2022 00:30

Is the nature reserve isolated or is it busy?

I would not be comfortable going for a long walk in an isolated place with someone the first time I met them, however nice they seemed

savethebeesandthecees · 01/10/2022 00:32

That's too much for a first date IMO.

Coffee and a walk is enough. Maybe keep the option of a meal if it feels comfortable but be equally happy not to. Another coffee and chat might be better.

Bin the theatre.

Good luck, sounds exciting and a good match.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 00:35

So coffee and
nature reserve near each other, then separate travel for dinner? If you're traveling separately how are you both getting there and how long will it take?

Surely a play at the theatre would need pre booking, so a lot of pressure on her to have a long date. Where will you have lunch is your having dinner at the Thai?

I think these things should be more organic. Do coffee, suggest the nature reserve (in advance). If you both want to keep going find somewhere for lunch, etc.

Is leave the play (where you sit silently for several hours) for further down the line

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 00:36

Also have your and her where she wants to go? And going Dutch is trainable for a first Internet date imo

notdaddycool · 01/10/2022 00:41

If it goes on that late you’re wanting to talk not go to the theatre, keep that for another day. Agree nature reserve could be scary, is river bank Walk more public?

Original poster
BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:50

It’s the Wetland Centre in Barnes bit like Slimbridge but smaller.

OP posts:
Beyondshit · 01/10/2022 00:52

Coffee and walk sound great. Food if you're both feeling it. Save the theatre for another day.

Have you discussed with her? She might not have the whole day free.

Original poster
BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:54

Not travelling separately sorry that wasn’t clear I’m not much of a typist.

OP posts:
Original poster
BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:55

Actually we just discussed spending the day together not the evening so Thankyou.

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 01/10/2022 00:56

Two hours for a first date. Personally I wouldn’t meet someone in an isolated spot for a first date. I’d do coffee and a gallery/museum/park visit, but that’s enough for either party for a first encounter.

Original poster
BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:59

Thanks for your advice I seriously think I would be the only one out of us both who would sit through a play based upon The two Popes anyway. It would most likely have bored her and I’m more of a fan of Dickens anyway.

OP posts:
Undecidedandtorn · 01/10/2022 01:06

I would just ask her if she would prefer lunch or a coffee and if that goes well suggest a walk in the nature reserve. Save dinner ect for date 2/3

Whynowffs · 01/10/2022 01:07

As others have said coffee and walk is ideal for first date.
I think it's lovely that you've put so much thought and efforts into it, good luck 😊

aurynne · 01/10/2022 02:29

Another support for coffee and walk. If you find you don't click, a whole day together could be torture.

GoogleUser · 01/10/2022 03:13

I think you'd be asking too much of your date, especially on a first date. Meeting for an 11:30 am coffee, with the casual option of sharing lunch afterwards if you both get along, is perfectly enough. Planning more than that adds too much pressure for a first date. I know you want to impress, but save the walk and the play as future date ideas. She's going to be putting a lot of effort into her appearance, so keep it simple for her, rather than asking her to plan one first date outfit that she has to wear to four separate venues. And what if rains on the walk? Her hair would be ruined and I guarantee she'll have spent a lot of time making sure she looks her best for you on your first date. Don't over-plan... coffee, followed by lunch sounds lovely.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 01/10/2022 11:02

GoogleUser · 01/10/2022 03:13

I think you'd be asking too much of your date, especially on a first date. Meeting for an 11:30 am coffee, with the casual option of sharing lunch afterwards if you both get along, is perfectly enough. Planning more than that adds too much pressure for a first date. I know you want to impress, but save the walk and the play as future date ideas. She's going to be putting a lot of effort into her appearance, so keep it simple for her, rather than asking her to plan one first date outfit that she has to wear to four separate venues. And what if rains on the walk? Her hair would be ruined and I guarantee she'll have spent a lot of time making sure she looks her best for you on your first date. Don't over-plan... coffee, followed by lunch sounds lovely.

Great post 👍

Dery · 01/10/2022 16:56

Agree with PP - lovely that you’re giving it so much thought but you’ve got about 4 dates there, OP. I know the Wetland Centre. It’s a great place for a wander and you’ve got talking points throughout.

gannett · 01/10/2022 17:22

SarahDippity · 01/10/2022 00:56

Two hours for a first date. Personally I wouldn’t meet someone in an isolated spot for a first date. I’d do coffee and a gallery/museum/park visit, but that’s enough for either party for a first encounter.

I'm familiar with the Barnes Wetland Centre, it's not isolated and is a perfect place to wander on a first date imo (many of my friends have gone there for that).

Agree with the above - coffee and the nature reserve works as an entire date in itself. Keep dinner as an option but be prepared to raincheck - you don't know how tired she'll be, or whether the timing will work out etc. If you're meeting in the morning, including dinner would probably take the date to eight hours at least... sometimes that happens but you have to let it happen organically, not plan for it, because it's a huge amount of time.

After the nature reserve ask her whether she fancies a drink in a pub to round it off, or fancies going on to dinner, and then just do what she wants.

Theatre definitely too much for first date.

(Caveat - I know a lot of MNers look down on a walking date with awful disdain. I'm not one of them though, I think it's absolutely fine. But some people out there wouldn't like it.)

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 18:10

BluesDad · 01/10/2022 00:54

Not travelling separately sorry that wasn’t clear I’m not much of a typist.

So how are you both getting from coffee to the nature reserve?

concernedalot · 01/10/2022 18:33

I'd keep it short, coffee and a walk, and don't put her in a position where she has to get in your car for any part of the date. Good luck

gannett · 01/10/2022 18:39

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 18:10

So how are you both getting from coffee to the nature reserve?

Show quote history

Walking, presumably? There are plenty of cafes surrounding it, and I believe in it as well.

Frith2013 · 01/10/2022 19:19

Far, far too much.

Aprilx · 01/10/2022 19:44

I personally cannot think of anything much worse than going for a walk on a first date. I might get hot and sweaty or maybe drizzled on and I would really rather look my best for such an occasion. I also would be wary of going on a walk around a nature reserve with a man I have only just met.

Overall your plan has too many things packed in making it too long for a first date. I would just pick one of them, probably a coffee or a drink,

savethebeesandthecees · 02/10/2022 23:01

Do hope the date went well

ichimedin · 02/10/2022 23:23

far far too much, that’d put me right off. Date zero should be coffee, you have no idea if you’ll click in person or not