Can I ask for some advice please for a first date plan?

[BluesDad]

I have my first date on Sunday in 6 years since me and ex dp separated, we’re still best friends for our kids although she moved back abroad, so I just want to know from a woman’s point of view if my idea for a date is acceptable. We found each other online and messages and talking have gone very well.
We’re meeting at 11:30 and I want to take her for a coffee first before going to a nature reserve in Barnes so we can walk and talk to get to know each other during which I hope she’ll feel comfortable in my company. Then I was planning to head back to Kingston where we’ll meet to have a meal probably Thai.
Then possibly a play at the theatre there.
Is it too much?
For a bit of clarity I’m 47 and she’s 44. I’m a tradesman not an executive but she has a much more responsible job (midwife). She’s happy with what I do for a living and has already said she admires me for working hard. Having had 4 DC’s I admire her for what she does a bit more.
In a nutshell is that an Ok idea for a first date because I can’t afford to spend fortunes and she doesn’t expect it anyway? I did ask some of my mates but their answers were a little coarse to say the least.

You sound lovely and I agree with all the posts saying you originally planned too much for a first date. I hope it goes well!

I am a little put off by the fact that you plan to ‘take’ her for a coffee though. That sounds as if she is a child who you will be in charge of. You also mention the cost of the date as if you are responsible for paying for everything. I obviously don’t know the woman but would be very surprised if she expects to be ‘taken’ anywhere or expects you to pay for everything. A date is something people do together nowadays rather than something the man is in charge of and responsible for.

Update:
Thankyou for all your great advice everyone. Unfortunately we won’t be meeting. Last week she had a cold so we postponed it to today then this morning I got this message after texting and talking for 2 weeks:
Good morning.
I’ve given it thought and I’m just not feeling a real connection here. I won’t be meeting you, and don’t want to waste either of our time. But I hope you find what you’re looking for. You deserve happiness.
Bye David

I just said “Thankyou for your honesty I appreciate it and good luck”.

It’s taken me five years to want to date someone again and almost a year to find someone I thought I might have a future with. I’m 47 now and I think life is trying to tell me something. It could take me another 6 years by which time I’ll be well over the hill to be starting relationships.
To be honest I’ve lost interest in it now some people are meant to be alone and I seem to be one of them but I have a lot to keep me busy occupy my mind.
I’m also blessed with beautiful children so I’ll focus on them having happy lives from now on. It’s their time now. If I ever had a ship I missed it sailing.
Once again thanks everyone.

I'm sorry this didn't work out but I think you need to review your expectations of internet dating. You say you felt you could 'see a future' with this person - you hadn't even met. You need to meet lots of women and not waste time playing text tennis for weeks. Keep dates short and sweet - coffee or a drink - and get them booked into asap.

Don't let this put you off.

And ps you're not old.

Chin up and no wallowing!! It's deeply unattractive. Good luck

Chin up mate, you sound really nice and a decent, considerate person. I think you'll find someone, no need to be fatalistic.

Thankyou for your reassuring words.
I may not have said that right well not at all it seems.
When I said a future I meant it seemed like we’d get on perhaps become friends and maybe have a few more dates possibly building up to spending more time together in the future.

Anyway it wasn’t meant to be and I don’t want to make anyone unhappy . In reality I’m glad she was honest and kind enough to tell me instead of just not turning up and leaving me there waiting tonight. That’s the mark of a good person IMO.
I bought new clothes for the date trousers, shirt and a top so I might go out for a pint tonight just to wear them. But I am going to give online dating a break I don’t think I’m suited to it. It just still seems a bit alien to me.
I’m just disappointed after all this time but I need to sort my shed out so I’ll get on with that for now.

I think you're expecting too much, you need to cast your net wide, not decide after two weeks that this is the only person in a decade you could even consider dating.

Oh OP, this is par for the course with online dating. If the first person you'd matched with and met turned out to be The One, I'd be telling you to buy a lottery ticket!

The trick with it is to match, message a very short while, then meet for a coffee. Getting on while messaging doesn't mean you'll both feel the attraction when you meet. So meet quickly!

And you aren't too old, I was 54 when I met someone. It's only too late when you're dead!

Oh no! Don’t give up, @Bluesdad. You sound like a lovely person. My DH and I met in our 40s, and there are lots of women that age who have left bad marriages and would be delighted to meet someone like you.

Online dating sounds like a nightmare from what I’ve read here. Why not try more human things like social events, hobby groups, evening classes, community groups, neighbourhood groups? Things that aren’t specifically set up to make friends or find love, but these often happen because you’re among other people with similar interests.

Have you got a dog, or could you take an elderly/disabled neighbour’s dog for walks? You’re a tradesman: is there a local community group you could volunteer for, using your skills?

And let your women friends, or wives of friends, know you’d like to meet someone. They are likely to have some unattached women in their friendship groups. DH and I met through friends.

Don’t give up. Better luck next time.

Don't give up!

Especially if you are willing to date women your own age, you'll find plenty who would be happy to meet you.

Surprised you don't meet them on the job - many women are solo homeowners. What sort of trade are you in?

I’m a decorator but I also do small building works house refurbs that sort of thing.
To be honest I’ve never found that I’m propositioned in houses I’ve worked in and for the sake of propriety I wouldn’t start anything with someone who’s house I’m working on anyway because that could lose me a customer and future recommendations as well. I’ve always thought it best to separate work life and personal life.
I’ve obviously heard it happens but I’ve never been in a situation like that.

@Honeylover333 No I don’t have a dog I’m always out at work all day so it wouldn’t be fair on the dog. I sort of don’t have enough time to devote to a dog. I do have a cat though.
Hobby groups might be nice though I have a few hobbies.

Ah bugger. Sorry it didn't work out. I'd have really enjoyed a coffee and a chatty walk. Don't give up yet.

I know the wetland place well as I used to live nearby. Coffee and that max. I assume you are both driving as you can't get there by public transport (well not tube anyway).

So coffee then there would involve coffee somewhere else's first, then there?

As a PP said - it's a bit much to have more than one location on a first date - certainly planned.

Maybe coffee, which if it goes well turns into a casual lunch in the same area.

Otherwise it's potentially awkward with no exit plan.

Date 2 would be great for a walk in the wetland Center - though it gets bloody chilly there this time of year.

Date 3/4 theatre of there was something you both wanted to see.

All at once and you'll scare her off!

It’s taken me five years to want to date someone again and almost a year to find someone I thought I might have a future with. I’m 47 now and I think life is trying to tell me something. It could take me another 6 years by which time I’ll be well over the hill to be starting relationships. To be honest I’ve lost interest in it now some people are meant to be alone and I seem to be one of them

In the kindest way, this is a load of self defeating codswallop. You might meet the woman of your dreams on your next online date. You might meet her in the supermarket tomorrow. She might be your next client. She might be at the next evening class you go to. She might be the parent of one of your kids' friends.

You don't have to keep trying so hard. Keep busy and life will throw things in your path. Expecting online dating to render a successful long term relationship after one person not getting past the messaging stage is like expecting to successfully swim the channel during your first swimming lesson. Calm down. You've got the rest of your life, and no tragedies have occurred. Just a standard 'We decided not to meet in the end' scenario. Really not worth writing off ever having a lovelife.

Oh god I'm so sorry- teach me for not reading the full thread.

Onwards and upwards. At least she didn't string you along or ghost you.

Good luck

If a man suggested coffee and a walk at Wetlands Centre in Barnes as a first date I'd be delighted. But dinner and theatre same day is a bit much. If you like each other, go for that next time around. And maybe aim for a matinee of the show so you can go out afterwards and discuss what you thought of it. Lots of lovely riverside bars in Kingston area.

FWIW, I saw the Two Popes at Kingston recently and it is quite a serious play for a first date unless you are both massive theatre fans.

Oh sorry, OP. I don't always get the full thread loading so I think I'm replying and then realise the thread has moved on.

I’m the female version of you. All of that feels like it could be 3 dates to me. I think a coffee and the wildlife walk sound an amazing first date. Fingers crossed for you!

You do sound like a very decent chap , on line dating is a numbers game , so don't give up just yet!

I'd suggest just talking on the phone a few times and a video chat then ask out for a coffee and dessert/savory snack.

That way you can meet more people and not let it drag on for weeks and get your hopes up about someone you've never met.

An hour sitting together over coffee should give each person an idea if there is interest.

Good luck.

Too bad you can’t take a cat for a walk! Dog-walking is a very social activity from what I’ve heard. Lots of friendly people ready to chat while the dogs are running around. Healthy exercise too, so you could consider finding out if anyone around you needs their dog walked now and then.

Meanwhile, look for the social side of your hobbies. And maybe consider taking up something new with more opportunities. Evening classes can be very sociable, and you can always try all sorts of different subjects.

Above all, don’t give up and sink into yourself. As PP here have said, it would be amazing if you hit lucky first time. You have to stay optimistic and keep trying. Good luck!

It's too much. Go for a coffee and a stroll along Putney embankment.

Sorry - maybe she also felt it was too long a date.

Those were just plans. Any one or two of them would have been fine although probably not the Theatre. I was asking if the ideas were Ok and the replies I got were very positive and helpful indeed.
So although this never happened this time I might try to find another date sometime in the future if and when I feel like it again.
I’ve lived around Putney for most of my life and there’s not much along the Putney Embankment anymore I’m afraid apart from the Dukes Head which isn’t a patch on the pub it was 20-30 years ago. It’s also massively overpriced for the mediocre fare it serves and has no atmosphere whatsoever so I’d never take a date in there. I wouldn’t even go in there myself but I thank you for your suggestion.

Just suggest meeting for coffee next time. You don't have to plan ahead, and it's a bit weird to, when you've not even met the person. If you sit and have a coffee together, you can either of you say at any time 'Well, it was lovely to meet you, best of luck with everything', and that's it. Easy out. If you both want to do more, you will. It doesn't have to be organised ahead.